The “Sweet Spot”
Being of sincere of heart and purpose doesn’t mean you are naïve or simple-minded. Sincere people don’t simply fail to see or understand life’s complexities. Rather, they behave toward others and themselves out of what their sweet spot. Those of you who play racquet games know what a sweet spot is. Golfers and baseball players know it, too. When you hit a ball from the sweet spot, you get a maximum response for a given amount of effort. You not only get a more powerful stroke but you also generally hit a more reliable shot.
Now it takes a while to even find the sweet spot. Then it takes a lot of skill and practice to access it most every time. Even the best players don’t always hit it. But all good players can always tell when have indeed hit from the sweet spot. And when they do, they get that certain feeling that everything has come together in just the right way. There is nothing like striking from your sweet spot. You not only increase the odds of a technically perfect strike, but the action itself just “feels right.”
Acting with Sincere Heart and Purpose
When you act with sincere heart and purpose, it’s like living out of the sweet spot of your character. You act from the very core or center of your being. It not only feels right, it feels genuine, authentic. And that’s because it is. There’s nothing quite like it. It’s truly coming into contact with the real you. And it’s coming in contact with what’s truly real in life. You act with integrity. Now, this takes mindfulness and the experience of repeatedly acting with purpose and on purpose. It also takes will power.
Will power has received a lot of press lately. And the scientific community has long debated about whether such a thing as will power even exists. But we do know one thing: folks with will power seem to be able to delay gratification. And that’s a really big deal. When you can put aside your desire for immediate satisfaction of a desire, especially, for a higher purpose or for someone else, you’ve achieved an uncommon maturity of character. And having such maturity makes all sorts of things possible that aren’t otherwise possible.
So, as you see, you have to master some of the earlier “commandments” to master this one. (See: Mastering Appetites and Desires) But it’s well worth your while to do so. Authentic, genuine, purposeful people know the incredible feeling of hitting a home run most times at bat. They operate from their sweet spot, the very core of their being. They know what it means to be authentic, present, and alive. There isn’t a better feeling in the world.
Character Matters
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Probably the best exams I can think of acting on my sweet spot would be when interacting with my children – although adults. It comes from love and sincerity. And when it comes to the grandchild, that sweet spot is so easy to find, because henisnseeet and innocent. With adults, it’s more difficult to find that sweet spot, because of all the history we have with them.
I love those folks with a sweet spot 🙂
I don’t know how many of you are aware of articles on counsellingresource. Check one that I think is useful to understand why we spend long time and fail to get the true nature of character disturbed people.
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2017/01/30/breaking-free/
Andy,
Thank you for posting this link and encourage everyone to read it Dr. Simon’s article. We have had individuals on occasion post on this blog, commenting that many people (victims) like the abusive relationship with the CD. This article by Dr. Simon clearly gives sound reasons why many are unable to leave these toxic relationships. I have argued the same reasoning why many are not able to leave. There are many factors involved to be understood and considered way beyond the comprehension of individuals who have never encountered a malignant CDNSP.
Dr. Simon, thank you for addressing this highly misunderstood dilemma the victims of the CD face. In fact I am going to print it off, so when a off handed comment on this topic is made again, I can refer them to this article.
Again, thanks Andy, now I say that’s great teamwork. Sure miss Joey, he was a wealth of information and generous in sharing his knowledge too. My thoughts are with you Joey as I know everyone else misses you too, and hopes you are well.
A Malignant CDN has no sweet spot. He is soulless and heartless. The extremes they cause to create grief in their target is tough to handle. Some days I wish I’d just get run over by a truck to end this fight. It is that exhausting. Of course I would not do something to harm myself, but those thoughts do run through my head. It’s like the jackass never will stop, ever, ever.
Lucy, It seems your house sale ran into some problem.
As long as you are not dependent upon that sale for meeting your basic need, you will probably need to disengage a bit. Maybe organize a sale, and every-time it fails for whatever reason, file an application or something in court, so that you can build a proper paper trail.
We have a buyer. It was Court ordered to auction. The jerk is, of course, not signing papers, etc., contesting it. It was a court ordered sale. It will go through, but have to have the Judge, again, intervene. Meanwhile I worry that the buyers will pull out. I feel sick to my stomach. The stress just never goes away.
I’m living with a friend now because I am still paying on the house and cannot afford the house mortgage plus my own place.
This house issue has been ongoing for two years. He has fired two realtors. Now he is trying to stop the auction sale. We are filing an emergency motion, to be heard immediately.
This man is an unreasonable bull dog. If we lose the house to foreclosure, he will be okay because he will file bankruptcy. I won’t be ok. My salary is such that the bank will come after me, left holding the bag.
Lucy,
I don’t think the buyers will pull out. The Judge can order the house sold since it brought the price. The judges order, a legal court document ordering it sold and the bank to be paid will suffice with the banks. This procedure is done all the time irregardless, if SB wants to sign or not.
The beauty of all this SB doesn’t ever have to agree, SB doesn’t ever have to sign anything. The Judge makes all the decisions, the Judge I hopes sends him to jail until he signs. I think to get things done let the judge sign the releasing document……..
The courts authority is binding. Good for you, one more step, one more tie between you gone. Hooray!!!!!!!!!! You stood your ground, all I can say you are “One Courageous Trooper.” I know, once its finalized you will have peace. With these malignant Spaths anything is possible.
I would ask the Judge to put SB in jail for contempt. Also, ask the judge to fine SB compensatory damages for interference in the sale of the home. Keep in touch with the auctioneer. SB eventually will hang himself. Don’t let off the pressure for a moment and don’t budge an inch. You have already given 30 years of your life and earnings. You have given to much, NO MORE……
Hugs
Lucy, if ever there was a time to call on a higher power, it is now. I don’t know what your beliefs are but I think that asking for help from your invisible means of support (not pantyhose) might help to calm you and send ripples of positive intention out to the buyers.
I don’t know why this happened to you but it’s terrible, you don’t deserve it and I think you are an incredibly strong person to have gone through what you have. So many on this blog have been through so much worse than I have. Btov, you’re another one. I don’t know how you have managed. It must be divine love and intervention that you both haven’t pancaked from stress.
LisaO
I’ve suffered plenty but what I do is try my best to deal with a situation as it happens, put out the fire as best I can and be ready for the next one, because there is always a next one.
I believe in myself, that’s I’ve lived right and I’ve been wronged, and I won’t lie down and take the beating without a fight.
What happens in this divorce will affect me for years to come, really till the day I die, since he’s fighting for half my pension. So it’s not a case that I’d walk away from and just give in and give it to him. He spent all his retirement, savings, hundreds of thousands of dollars.
He will have to answer to the Court what he has done, then I’ll have to live with the judge’s decision. I’m going down fighting.
Nothing is by chance, we know. Just came across this site for which I am truly grateful!
Amen. Thank you!