Life's most noble work is the work of forging wholesome character. And while the payoffs are great, they usually take time to realize.

When a malformed conscience, virtually nonexistent conscience, or absent conscience lies defines someone's character pathology, intervening in traditional ways is futile. That's why it's so important that toxic relationship survivors, who have most likely already endured years of gaslighting and other trauma, get the right kind of help should they manage to drag their character-impaired partner into therapy.

Folks who too often run from the difficult and over-indulge in the pleasurable are almost always trouble. And while they'll often promise they'll do better, that doesn't mean they have a real commitment to proper self-management. My clinical practice was chock full of individuals who couldn't or woudn't manage their appetites and aversions properly. That left their partners to clean up the inevitable messes.