Intimacy barriers are the biggest reason couples seek counseling. And when counseling fails it’s usually because the true impediments to intimacy weren’t properly identified or dealt with.
How we see ourselves matters. And how we behave toward ourselves matters even more. Healthy self-regard defines the evolved character. And unhealthy self-regard is the hallmark of character disturbance.
As much as we crave naturally intimacy, many of us learn to fear it. We try to stay open. But painful experiences invite us to close. The hallmark of our character disturbed age is the lack of genuinely loving relationships.
Personal integrity goes beyond sincerity.and authenticity. It’s about embracing high ethics and living them out, even when no one is watching. And it’s about seeing and embracing a much bigger picture.
Hardness of Heart What do we mean when we talk about “hardness of heart”? Folks with hardened hearts have an impaired ability to empathize. They also have an impaired ability to truly connect. This makes healthy, intimate relationships virtually impossible. The harder one’s heart, the harder it is to achieve real intimacy and to truly … Continue reading Character Disturbance and Hardness of Heart
In deeply knowing ourselves, we have the power to elevate ourselves. This takes both right intention and firm resolution. But we can do it. That’s what inner transformation is all about.
Personal integrity reaches its height in the absence of pretense. The truly decent character has searched his/her heart, knows it well, and strives to keep it pure. This takes a great deal of persistent mindfulness.
From a spiritual perspective, character is less about heeding the moral rules and more about our relationship with that undefinable something bigger. It’s about standing in awe of the gift we’ve been given. And it’s appreciating our inherent indebtedness. That’s what inspires gratitude.
To be of sincere heart, one must first be of humble heart. And to be of humble heart is to stand in awe of a much greater reality.
Abusive relationship partners are often relentless. They hate to miss an opportunity to denigrate and dominate. And over time, their victims can begin to see themselves in the same negative way their abusers cast them.