When we try too hard to understand we inadvertently revoke the power we have. Understanding can’t itself empower. Taking action empowers.
Manipulative abusers are good at casting themselves as victims and vilifying the true victim. And they can make you wonder if they don’t really see things that way. But their tactics are just another way to avoid responsibility and take advantage of you.
No problem has a chance of being successfully ameliorated until and unless it’s correctly identified, accurately labeled, and confronted in the manner most likely to promote constructive resolution.
Upon hearing the term “disorder,” many folks infer that a genuine disease process is at work that in some measure relieves a person from full culpability. But in fact only a handful of clinical illnesses can potentially render a person not fully responsible for their behavior.
Because we live in the age of entitlement, there are far too many among us who think that respect is a fundamental right as opposed to something that rightfully need be earned. Folks with an entitlement mentality often demand respect, even when they’ve habitually conducted themselves in a manner that doesn’t merit it.
Even folks who recognize that aggression can be born of anger as well as fear find it hard to imagine why someone would either become angry or be inclined to aggress if they weren’t afraid of something or didn’t feel victimized in some way. But assuming that aggressors always come from an insecure or fearful place has been the undoing of many in abusive relationships.
For a long time it was assumed that everyone struggled with social fears and tenuous self-esteem. It was therefore natural to further assume, that any perceived criticism would only invite a person to unconsciously mount “defenses” against what they regarded as attacks on their already impaired self-image. And while such scenarios can and do still occur, they’re nowhere near as common as they once were.
Perceiving the nature of a problem accurately and labeling the psychological realities underlying it correctly are of paramount importance when providing or seeking help. The current series of articles will address some popular misconceptions and the principal reasons important psychological principles and terms are often misused or misunderstood.
Being a faithful, committed participant in a life partnership has never been an easy task. It takes integrity of character to resist the many temptations one faces on a daily basis, to honor one’s vows and to genuinely love.
Knowledge is power. But to be fully empowered you have to understand what’s really going on with someone and how to appropriately interpret and label their behavior. That’s why it’s so important to understand certain psychological terms and concepts correctly.