Some Thoughts for Labor Day Weekend
The most noble work is work that seldom receives any attention. And this Labor Day weekend will likely prove no exception. True, all work has value. That’s why we celebrate the importance of human labor with a special weekend. After all, if no one worked, we would all be in some pretty dire straights. Interestingly enough, however, the same is true when it comes to matters of character. So bear with me as I elaborate.
A few of us have some wonderful traits innately gifted to us by nature. And that makes the task of developing wholesome character a bit easier for some. (The exception would be those overly indulged, made to feel special, etc. and therefore easily develop poor character.) But most of have all sorts of traits and tendencies that make the task of forging wholesome character inherently hard. That’s why facing task head on and willingly committing to it is such noble work.
Creatures of Economy
We human beings are creatures of economy. That is, we tend to want the most desirable things for the least amount of effort. Labor inherently involves a certain amount of suffering. That suffering seems more infinitely more bearable when we’re doing things we love or bring us joy. But all labor is arduous. And that’s not a matter that we particularly like. But perhaps the most daunting task of all – at least for most of us – is forging good character. It takes work – a lot of work. More than that, it takes a special attitude: the willingness to do the work.
Sadly, as I’ve written about many times before, one can trace every major problem we have to the demise of character and its importance. And big part of the reason for that is how easy it’s become to avoid the work involved. (Or how pointless it seems to some to even consider the work.)
The Willingness to Grow
One of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous asserted that success in recovery depends upon a single word, and that word is willingness. Say what you will about any of the 12-step programs out there. But the steps actually involve some strong character-building principles that have proven their value. And “working” the steps, as adherents say, is just that: work! Moreover, it takes a certain mindset and type of motivation to even want to do the work. But once a person admits the folly of their old ways, and becomes willing to do the work of character growth, things get better.
I talk a lot about the willingness to embrace and live out the principles of good character in Essentials for the Journey. And I discuss what it takes to want to undertake this extremely noble work. The “commandments” I talk about are timeless and time-tested – proven principles of enormous value. But in addition to how hard it is to embrace the principles, the payoffs are usually not immediate. And that affects motivation to persist. But the payoffs are indeed enormous, affecting everything from our individual relationships to the collective character of our society.
In all my other books, I address why people unwilling to embrace this noble work become such disturbed and disordered characters.
This Labor Day, let’s remember the most noble labor of all and its importance. And let’s do our best to value and champion it like we once used to. The benefits will be enormous, but they will take some time to realize.
I’m searching your blogs and videos for: what makes a child become a sociopath/psychopath. Is it true there is less connection between the sides of the brain that handle empathy and logic? Do you have a talk on this?
You ask some great questions, Mary, so I wanted to be sure to address them. Most of my material on the subject of psychopathy/sociopathy was delivered to professionals attending my workshops. But I do have several articles on the subject on the blog, and you can use the search feature using the keywords psychopathy and/or sociopath to find them. But here’s a short summary to address your questions, not just for your benefit, but also for the benefit of all the readers” 1. Dr. Hare and his colleagues have indeed done some pioneering work, including some remarkable brain studies. And what we do know is that the brains of psychopaths work differently from normal brains, and in a particular way, namely the neuro-connective pathways between the centers of the brain that involve emotion/empathy, and the other centers of the brain having to do with the appraising of situations, people, places, things, etc. In the brain of the psychopath, there is a disconnect. Situations that would evoke an emotional/empathetic response in a normal brain simply don’t in a psychopath’s brain. So, what we know is simple, psychopaths can act without feeling, which is why Hare describes their predatory conduct as “the callous, senseless, remorseless use and abuse of others.” But a lot has been made of the studies that simply isn’t good or accurate science. For example, the studies DO NOT prove that the brains of psychopaths are wired differently from birth. Nor do they tell us what exactly is responsible for the disconnect (e.g., trauma, conditioning, developmental abnormality, etc.) 2. The studies of identical twins reared apart done long ago and that long had us believing that there was a definite genetic predisposition toward psychopathy have recently come under scrutiny with regard to their legitimacy, so we can’t be positive that there is such a predisposition, although many in the field still believe there is. 3. With regard to empathy and empathy capacity, we know that there is a spectrum. Empathy can and must be nurtured. Trauma can interfere with that. And because one’s capacity for developing empathy can also vary, there’s a wide spectrum of things that can go wrong as we try to condition a person to care. 4. Lastly, there’s some evidence that it’s dangerous to try and nurture or “teach” empathy to a true predatory psychopath. Psychopaths often can and do “read” people well, observing how they operate, how they feel, how they react, etc. So, if we model for them what empathetic behavior looks like, they can learn how to better fool an intended victim when they’re trying to lure them into a trap. In short, therefore, the current thinking is that it’s dangerous and foolish to try to teach or nurture empathy in a psychopath. An anecdote you might find interesting: I’ve had both professional and personal encounters with a number of true psychopaths. They are great mimics, capable of mimicking all manner of human behavior when they’re trying to manipulate you. One, in particular, who found a way to enter high society – respectable society, after a lifetime of horrible, murderous behavior, still made the hair on the back of my neck stand up just being in his presence and watching him operate. And as one of the greatest minds on “the gift of fear” has often stated, you always need to pay heed to that instinct, when you’re fortunate enough to have had nature bless you with it. This might be more information than you or anyone else wants, but I hope it helps. And thank you so much for the great questions!
“the callous, senseless, remorseless use and abuse of others.” They feel superior to others and see nothing wrong with sadistic behavior. These losers must be removed from society.
I’ve read of identical twins raised together who, even as children behaved very differently. One was sadistic, manipulative and dangerous. The other was a normal child. Perhaps the parents treated one differently than the other or one befell trauma that the other did not. There was no evidence of that. Could it be the twin who did make the hair on the back of one’s neck stand up, choose to indulge in bad thoughts and bad actions? Could it be that simple?
Serial killer BTK talks about a fascination with dark things as early as the age of three. He continued to ‘nurture’ those thoughts until they ‘took over.’ He killed because he liked the feeling. It served him. His brothers grew up to be law abiding, normal adults. There was no reported abuse in the family.
Parents, teachers, family members and counselors can agonize about a young person who becomes a sociopath, or whatever term is appropriate. What should they have done differently as the child grew up? At what age did the clues appear they should have seen?