An Image Built on Lies

The grandiose narcissist’s image is built on lies. That makes them different from other narcissists. It makes them more dangerous, too.

Despite all the contrary information out there, not all narcissists are alike. And not all folks with narcissistic traits in their character are full-blown narcissists. (See: The Narcissism Spectrum.) And even true narcissists vary in both type and degree of pathology. I’ve written before about the two main varieties of narcissists. And I’ve pointed out how drastically different the more vulnerable, compensatory ones are compared to the grandiose types. There are several sub-varieties among the two main types, too. But that’s another story! (You’ll find several articles on the subtypes her on the blog.)

Sadly, even with all the knowledge available today, many, even professionals, often fail to distinguish the different types and just what underlies their pathology. For example, many still promote the notion that underneath every narcissist’s bravado and exaggerated sense of self-importance lies an insecure person, fearful of rejection. And they attempt to validate that perspective by pointing to what you sometimes see when fateful events bring the narcissist down, shatter their illusions, and cause them to crumble. But when you deeply and objectively assess a grandiose narcissist and what made them who they are, you quickly learn a very different story.

Which Comes First, the Shakiness or the Pretense?

As mentioned earlier, traditional views hold that folks with a shaky sense of self-worth unconsciously compensate through pretense. And that notion has some validity when it comes to vulnerable, compenstory types of narcissists. But when it comes to the grandiose narcissist (and all of the more pathological narcissists), that perspect is not only flawed but dangerous.

From the get-go, grandiose types either naturally feel and/or are made to feel special, superior. They bow to nothing and to no one. They abhor submission and subordination.  So, they refuse to recognize or exhibit contempt for any kind of higher power.  And they regard a particular higher power –  the truth – as their mortal enemy. The truth could potentially put them in their place. And they will have none of that! Accordingly, they build their lives and their sense of self on pure fiction. And that’s why, when you dig deeply, or the facade collapses under the weight of impossible to deny reality, you find no substance underneath.

An All-Important “Higher Power”

From a character development standpoint, truth is all-important important “higher power” that one must come to genuinely revere. (See, also: Reverence for the Truth and Character Integrity.) Honest self-reckoning is essential for good character. Recognize mistakes. Humbly admit the truth. Take responsibility for wrong turns. Resolve to learn from them. And resolve to learn the right lessons, as opposed to just getting better at conning yourself and others. Grandiose narcissists actually know all  this. But they consciously refuse, because it would put them in the position they detest. Although it seems nonsensical to decent people, they find it simply easier and more pleasing to keep conning. Looking good, is far easier than being good. That’s a sad lesson anyone in a relationship with a grandiose narcissist is likely to learn the hard way.

The chapter on truth is one I labored over long and hard when writing Essentials for the Journey. It discusses the importance of our relationship with truth to our overall character makeup.

The recent series of articles has explored what to look for in a person’s character at the outset of a relationship. How folks regard the truth about themselves and their history is a big matter to scrutinize closely. The grandiose narcissist’s image is built on lies. So, they’ll always have an excuse for failure. And if they make minor admissions, it’s usuallY disingenuous. It’s always about the image they want to project, not reality. Simply, it’s always about the con. And if they succeed in conning, it reinforces their belief in their superiority.