Wholesome Character

To put it simply and succinctly, wholesomeness of character is about the capacity to love. Our intimate relationships depend on this. So do our friendships and even our community affairs. In fact, ultimately, all of the world’s human affairs depend on it. Genuinely loving humans make things work as best as they can.

Love: What It Is and What It Isn’t

It seems trite to insist that the capacity to love holds the answer to so much. But that’s largely because the very concept of love – much like the notion of charcter – has become corrupted over time. Moreover, love has – and has always had – many “imposters.” So many appealing things can effectively masquerade as love. Deep interest in a person can be mistaken for love. And I’ve written about this before. (See, for example: Mistaking Interest for Regard in Relationships.) Affection can also be mistaken for love, although it’s really nice when affection accompanies love. Admiration, affirmation, ego-stroking, etc. – all very appealing things – can really seem like love. They’re not. And many times you find this out too late in a relationship to avoid a lot of heartache.

What exactly, then, is this thing called love? And why is it so essential to wholesomeness of character? Love is the radical, pure, willing of wellbeing. And that goes for everything and everybody. True well-wishers want all to be well. And true lovers are willing to put their talents and personal resources to work in the service of those ends. Genuine loving intention and solid commitment:  that’s a true lover – a person of wholesome character.

Why It Matters

I must have said this a thousand times, but one cannot overstate this truth: character matters. It always has, and it always will. And if it were easy to come by all of our relationships would be joyous and our world would be a paradise. But like any valuable commodity, character doesn’t come easily or cheaply. It requires tremendous effort and support. And it requires the heart to embrace the timeless principles and values I describe in Essentials for the Journey.

Any person in a wholesome relationship knows the supreme value of being able to count on the character of their partner. When the going gets tough is when your partner’s character has the chance to really shine. Sadly, all too many folks these days languish in relationships devoid of character. The world is starving for character, too. And I talk about this very thing in the latest Character Matters podcast.