Recovering from gaslighting effects and regaining one’s sanity after an abusive relationship isn’t easy. Victims frequently mistrust themselves and worry about making the same relationship mistakes again. And getting the wrong kind of help can easily re-traumatize. Empowerment begins with understanding what really happened and why.
The interrelationship between substance use and character is often complex and poses many challenges for providing the right kind of help.
Depending upon what traits and tendencies tend to be more prevalent in their overall makeup, living with a borderline personality can present some very unique challenges.
There’s a dynamic interaction between the borderline individual’s innate predispositions and the traumatic early history they have typically experienced. It’s hard enough for a person who tends to react strongly and erratically, tends to think dialectically, and is prone to mentally splitting unitary realities into polar opposites to get a solid sense of what the world is like and how to deal with it. But when you put such an individual into an environment where there is actually is no safety or consistency, you have a recipe for genuine disaster when it comes to personality formation and solidification.
Whether you’re seeking help for yourself as the victim or survivor of an abusive relationship, or trying to get some assistance in dealing with a character-impaired individual, getting the right kind of help can be a real challenge.
Psychopaths are the most extremely disordered characters on the spectrum of character disturbance, and are the most ardent and skilled manipulators. And they lie for many hard to understand reasons, and sometimes they lie for reasons that don’t seem to make any sense at all. That’s just one feature of their makeup that led early researchers to conjecture that psychopathy is really a form of insanity. But psychopaths are, for the most part, in their right mind. And when you look more deeply, there’s actually method to their apparent madness.
Subscribing to traditional beliefs about human nature actually played a large role in how victims were lured into and subsequently remained in abusive relationships.
Shame, a sense of defeat, mounds of doubt, conflicting thoughts about blame, mistrust – all these emotions are par for the course for survivors of toxic relationships.
When you strive too hard to “understand” a person’s behavior, you can often inadvertently excuse it.
Dealing with a skilled manipulator is often like getting whiplash: you don’t know all that’s really happened until after the damage is done.