Blaming others is not unconscious defense. It’s a conscious tactic to throw you on the defensive while refusing to internalize a behavioral norm.
Narcissists lie not only to others but also to themselves. They lie so freely and egregiously they can start believing their fictions and become delusional.
Manipulators and other disturbed characters are adept at playing the blame game. But when someone makes the injurious choice, it’s strictly on them. Thy may point the finger elsewhere and try to justify. But you empower yourself when you refuse to take on someone else’s rightful burden.
Sometimes reality challenges the grandiose self-image narcissists have. And when a narcissitic wound is deep and the reality behind it too self-evident to deny, the consequences to those made to take the blame for failure can be profound.
The tragedy we witnessed two days ago is an old, old story becoming far too commonplace in our character-deficient age. We live in a complicated, demanding world and there are too many among us who never developed the character resources to deal adaptively with life’s challenges – especially failure – and to profit from their experiences, including their disappointments. It’s far too easy to just point a finger. And sadly, for too many, it’s easier still to place that same finger on a trigger and shoot.
Knowledge is power. But to be fully empowered you have to understand what’s really going on with someone and how to appropriately interpret and label their behavior. That’s why it’s so important to understand certain psychological terms and concepts correctly.