It devastates a child’s self-image to feel demeaned, belittled, or degraded. But sadly, as an adult, a child with poor self-worth can unwittingly repeat the same compensatory pattern of trying to prove their worth by comparing themselves to and discounting others.
A narcissist can be of the “vulnerable” or “neurotic” type (see also Two Main Varieties of Narcissists). Such inwardly insecure characters crave love and affirmation and seek it by trying to prove their exceptionality. But in our age it’s more common for a narcissist to be of the “grandiose” or character-disturbed variety and such characters are … Continue reading Grandiose Narcissists and Shattered Illusions
Narcissists come in two main varieties, each posing very different challenges for relationships. The two types also pose very different prospects for change. Telling the diffference between these egotistical characters can be difficult at times, so it’s important to know the signs that can help you distinguish betwen the two.
Gender bias can often color our judgment when it comes to correctly perceiving someone’s character.
Neurotics have a big sense of right and wrong, set high standards for themselves, and sometimes proverbially carry the world on their shoulders. In contrast, disturbed and disordered characters have a remarkably impaired, immature, or underdeveloped conscience. In some extreme cases, conscience can be absent altogether and even the capacity to form a conscience nonexistent.
In my new book, Character Disturbance, I go to great lengths to highlight the many and significant differences between most folks and people of disturbed character.
Dealing with disturbed characters effectively requires a completely different strategy from traditional methods.
Mature, adult life is all about being guided in your actions by values and sound judgment as opposed to letting your urges and impulses run the show.
Your book helped me understand why I am such an “approval junkie,” how I got manipulated, why I always hated confrontation, and why I had so little confidence and self-respect.
Disordered characters don’t feel shame like neurotics do. Although pop psychology has given shame a bad name, the ability to feel it is a mark of good character. I wrote recently about how neurotic individuals and disturbed characters differ greatly on the issue of guilt. Guilt and shame are related. Guilt is the bad feeling we get … Continue reading Neurotic or Character Disorder? Criterion 4 – Shame