A manipulator can be so confident of someone’s likely response that they don’t hesitate to show their hand. But most of the time, manipulators get their way by hiding their true agendas. They’re out to win, dominate, and control, but don’t want to appear so. They cloak their aggressive intentions in a variety of clever tactics. And these tactics produce the “gaslighting” effect.
Crafty covert-aggressors know how to make you doubt. In your gut you feel they’re trying to play you. But they can have you feeling like you’re a fool for thinking so. You question your judgment. You can even question your sense of reality and your sanity. In a nutshell, that’s the “gaslighting” effect.
Gaslighting Gaslighting has become a popular term these days. It was borrowed from the the suspense thriller play and movie Gas Light. Its plot involves a conniving husband who tries to make his wife think she is losing her mind. And he does this in part by making subtle changes in her environment, including causing the episodic … Continue reading Manipulation and the Gaslighting Effect
Aggressors can easily have you emotionally on the run. But you gain power when you hold ground. The best way to do that is to keep emotion out of things and judge and deal with behavior only.
Loving relationships can promote character growth, that’s for sure. But when someone has significant character disturbance no amount of loving care alone can fix things.
It’s not enough to just to be willing to admit the truth. Many folks will do that, especially after they’ve been caught lying. Rather, it’s more important to truly revere the truth. A solid character knows the value of the truth – its power to heal, to empower, and to free. But it’s always a choice to embrace the truth – a choice truly decent characters freely make.
Lying is the big destroyer of relationships. When someone breaks the bond of trust – especially when they do so repeatedly – the damage inflicted on a marriage, work partnership, or other intimate relationship is extremely hard, if not impossible to repair.
No one develops sound character without a deep reverance for the truth. Unfortunately, we humans have an incredible capacity to deceive. And it’s bad enough that we sometimes lie to each other and about each other. What’s even more insidious, however, and ultimately very detrimental to our character formation, are the many ways in which we are capable of deceiving ourselves. In my upcoming book … Continue reading Revering Truth: Character’s 4th Command
People who have overcome their infantile narcissism and have learned to care beyond themselves are altruistic and empathic. And people who are altruistic act for the greater good. They are the folks who see the big picture.
Recovering from an involvement with a disturbed or disordered character is almost always a substantially unpleasant experience. But much good can come from the ordeal if one is both self-forgiving and affiming enough to be open to the learning to be had.