Under the gaslight, you stop trusting your gut. But once the mask comes off your manipulator you realize your gut was right all along and you’re free to start trusting yourself and your instincts once again.
Adult children of gaslighters often have an impaired sense of self. Accordingly, such folks tend to be the covert narcissist’s favorite prey.
It devastates a child’s self-image to feel demeaned, belittled, or degraded. But sadly, as an adult, a child with poor self-worth can unwittingly repeat the same compensatory pattern of trying to prove their worth by comparing themselves to and discounting others.
Victims of narcissistic rage rightfully experience intimidation. In their hearts, they know what a person determined to have the dominant position is capable of. And they know what can happen if they dare to say “no,” or refuse to be subordinate. But living in fear of a narcissist’s rage caries its own price.
Fair fighting is fighting with principle. It’s strong advocacy tempered with care and concern. When we fight fairly, with principle, and with care not to needlessly injure, we build instead of destroy.
Some things are well worth fighting for. But there’s a way to go about this enterprise that builds as opposed to destroys.
It’s hard to understand why someone would lie when the truth would suffice. And it’s especially hard to understand why someone would lie when the truth might well serve them better. Pathological liars aren’t crazy. There’s actually method to their apparent madness. They may drive you crazy with their antics. But once you understand why they do what they do you can restore your sanity.
Manipulative narcissists are covert-aggressors who use various, subtle tactics to charm, disarm, and otherwise take advantage. Playing on your emotions, many find the game of getting the better of you amusing and satisfying. They enjoy “toying” with you.
Recovering from gaslighting effects and regaining one’s sanity after an abusive relationship isn’t easy. Victims frequently mistrust themselves and worry about making the same relationship mistakes again. And getting the wrong kind of help can easily re-traumatize. Empowerment begins with understanding what really happened and why.
Manipulative abusers are good at casting themselves as victims and vilifying the true victim. And they can make you wonder if they don’t really see things that way. But their tactics are just another way to avoid responsibility and take advantage of you.