Becoming a better person takes a lot of deliberate, sustained effort. And you have to have the right motivation to do the work. External pressure can lead a person to make changes that are often superficial and short-lived. Genuine, lasting changes come when the motivation is internal. That happens when a person sets pride aside and willingly embraces a higher cause.
Properly balanced self-esteem and reinforcement for the conscientious exercise of one’s will are of paramount importance to the process of healthy character development.
If you really want to help bend someone’s ego pathologically out of shape, send them the constant message that it’s what they bring to the table that really counts, not how they conduct themselves when they’re at the table.