How do you confront a narcissist effectively? By not playing their game – the unwinnable war of self-justification. Address only behavior and its consequences.
Disturbed and disordered characters are often so married to their ways of seeing and doing things that they can’t give due consideration to other perspectives. They’re usually aware of how others want them to see and do things, but they’re also opposed. Naturally, this creates problems in their relationships.
The question of “awareness” is inherently confusing, partly because our understanding of it has been heavily influenced historically by traditional notions about the unconscious mind, and public acceptance of the idea that most human behavior is motivated by factors mostly outside of a person’s conscious awareness. But as most people who have been involved with a disturbed character already know, a person can be fully conscious of their behavior and motivations yet not necessarily particularly mindful, attentive, thoughtful, or considerate. And that’s perhaps at least in part why there always seems to be such debate about how “aware” disturbed character’s really are.
If you’re dealing with someone in your life who fits the description I offer of the disturbed character, despite the fact that you might feel tempted to believe otherwise, they’re probably quite aware of the behavior that’s driving you nuts.
A new article will feature an expanded discussion of the important issues and will include even more examples that illustrate how you can know for sure that most manipulators know exactly what they’re doing when they engage in their tactics. Look for it in the next couple of days!