Predatory Behavior
Skilled manipulators know well how to prey on others. By definition, predatory behavior is having a primary intention within a relationship to exploit, abuse, or otherwise victimize. A predator has only one goal: to gratify or benefit themselves at another’s expense. And the more skilled a manipulator is at the tactics my books and several articles here on the blog describe, the easier it is to victimize.
Predatory behavior between species is common, especially in the Animal Kingdom. It’s purely about survival. But predatory behavior within species is extremely rare. True, some animals will kill their own kind, under certain extreme, adverse, or unusal circumstances. But humankind is unique in having a certain brand of extremely malignantly narcissitic , decidedly aggressive predator: the psychopath. And as I’ve said many times and will continue to emphasize, all these tendencies exist along spectra of type and severity. So, different disturbed characters might tend to prey to different degrees and in different ways.
Manipulative Skill
Folks prone to predatory behavior learn early on how to manipulate. Many times they make a study of people. They want to know what makes a person “tick.” So, they take note of a person’s sensibilities, fears, yearnings, strengths, weaknesses, etc.. That tells them what emotional buttons to push, how hard, and when. And all of this is for a singular purpose: a position of advantage (e.g., power, control, domination, etc.). I’ve repeated a mantra in countless workshops:
Just as in real estate where it’s said that only 3 things really matter: location, location, and location, only 3 things matter to narcissitic characters: position, position, and position.
Know Them, Because They Likely Know You!
Skilled manipulators often know just how to read others. They’re keen observers. And the more intent on exploitation they are, the more they’ll take note of your vulnerabilities. Knowing your fears, insecurities, deepest needs and desires is key to manipulating you effectively. So, predators will study you carefully. And like a slick salesperson, they’ll find the surest path to having their way with you. To top things off, the most skilled of them will trick you into compliance and assent while even making you think it was your idea!
Sadly, in our day and time two things easily set folks up for victimization:
- Not knowing oneself and one’s character immaturities and vulnerabilites well enough
- Not taking the time or having the awareness and skills necessary to vet another’s character sufficiently
Even the best judges of character can be fooled by covert personalities, the most skilled manipulators. They can be so skilled at looking good that you don’t know how bad they are in character until it’s too late. That’s exactly why I felt compelled to write In Sheep’s Clothing.
Protecting Yourself
Taking good care of yourself in a narcissistic, character-disturbed age is indeed challenging. And doing so comes down to 2 main caveats:
- Heightening your awareness of the varios character types out there and how they operate
- Developing and strengthening your own character – humankind’s psychological immune system – and the key to personal empowerment.
Character Matters
Character matters, always has, always will. And it’s the main reason I wrote Essentials for the Journey. It’s high time we made relationships safe and potentially wholesome again!
Listen to more discussion on how manipulators operate on the latest installment of Character Matters.
This article is interesting.
The two CDs who were in my life have smeared my character to people in my “family.” It’s because of these two CDs manipulation that I have turned away from everyone connected to them (except for an insider.) One CD is the wife of my older brother one is a younger male sibling ) Both are covert, both were barely tolerant of each other.
Even though the smearing has continued I’ve learned to live with the estrangement. Am I wrong in thinking that the CDs have preyed on and have manipulated my “family” because they continue to believe the CDs narrative?
I haven’t been around them in 15 years. What is the end goal of still smearing me if I’ve completely disengaged? My choice to walk away should be a wish that’s come true for them, no?
D
Same thing happened to me.
What is the end goal of still smearing me if I’ve completely disengaged?
The answer is POWER POSITION, POSITION POWER. and they maintain this by playing the victim.
My own The mother had me arrested. Four days before I started a good job. It’s now for me Ten years ago. But the smear campaign continues against me also
Hi Joey,
I really have to find a way to let this all go. I will be fine given time but I’m going to set yet another boundary soon. I will refuse to be a part of any conversation to do with the family I’m estranged from, the sister in law I do have a relationship with has to understand this. She is an extreme people pleaser and she is married to my brother who is a non confrontational person to the nth degree. Imagine this coupled with a people pleaser and now I’m convinced they don’t speak against the smearing of me, but I also don’t think they participate in it either. I have a relationship with this brother and sister-in-law and it’s really my last attachment to my family. This said, I’m trying to process and forgive my disappointment in them not having my back. I understand them not wanting to argue but there are ways of staying neutral and suggesting their experiences with me are not the same.
Joey, I’ve followed your experiences through the years and you are so right in saying with regards to your CD mother and the CDs I’m estranged from that it’s all about power, appearing as better people by smearing our character and portraying us as the villains.
I’m glad you responded, thanks for this.
D
Just read and re-read the above post by Dr Simon. These creatures that enter our lives were broken and busted long ,long time before they entered our lives. It was Never ever our fault. We did not brake them. It’s not our job to fix them. But they leave deep scares when their gone.
Have faith in yourself
Keep the faith
Joey
Skilled manipulators know well how to prey on others. By definition, predatory behaviour is having a primary intention within a relationship to exploit, abuse, or otherwise victimize. A predator has only one goal: to gratify or benefit themselves at another’s expense. And the more skilled a manipulator is at the tactics the easier it is to victimize.
And they have a name. Grandmother and Mother
I had a new person come into my life as a result of my grandsons birthday parties. This person has a son who my grandson likes to spend time with and play together. His mother began to put out flattering statements towards me that immediately threw up red flags for me.
I think predators really think when they use flattery on you, you will be hoodwinked!
I’m so used to that behavior it’s like smelling something fowl in the air.
This person would be invited to my home and then get on facebook and post rude statements about something I said or did?
They have never reciprocated anything to me as birthday gifts are exchanged for the kids.
It’s very disheartening to see people behave this way, as communing with others and it leading to a genuine relationship is best for all.
I have ended my 1 1/2 year connection to her as I do not need a user, gaslighter in my life. Flattery is truly a form of hatred. I believe many who prey on others use this technique, no matter how innocent it may seem there is an underlying hatred there.
Of course, I think there some who give genuine compliments, and usually they are the type who want to reciprocate in the relationship. They also come without the usual gas lighting to cause shock and harm.
Timothy Snyder
Imagine that you are a foreign leader who wishes to destroy the United States. How could you do so? The easiest way would be to get Americans to do the work themselves, to somehow induce Americans to undo their own health, law, administration, defense, and intelligence. From this perspective, Trump’s proposed appointments – Kennedy, Jr.; Gaetz; Musk; Ramaswamy; Hegseth; Gabbard – are perfect instruments. They combine narcissism, incompetence, corruption, sexual incontinence, personal vulnerability, dangerous convictions, and foreign influence as no group before them has done. These proposed appointments look like a decapitation strike: destroying the American government from the top, leaving the body politic to rot, and the rest of us to suffer.
I do not defend the status quo.
(Decapitation Strike – by Timothy Snyder – Thinking about… 4 )
Priscilla, very true. I have seen red flags via inappropriate flattery upon meeting someone recently and I’m thankful to have backed away in time and dodged trouble.
I noticed everything in this article could potentially be exactly what you are doing to those already vulnerable, making money off of them. You told on yourself. Just my observation.