Narcissistic Manipulation – Who’s Vulnerable?
Anyone can succumb to a narcissist’s charm. Some narcissists possess great impression-management skill. But some personality types are particularly vulnerable to narcissistic manipulation. And research has confirmed that two personality traits make all the difference.
All my books address the issue of vulnerability to narcissistic manipulation. And my book In Sheep’s Clothing was the first to provide concrete tools to inoculate oneself. But my work preceded solid empirical work on the subject. Clinical experience was my teacher. And only recently have many of the insights I shared have been validated.
Some Folks Are More Vulnerable
It can feel like victim blaming to even talk about someone’s vulnerability to narcissistic manipulation. Make no mistake, however, the disturbed characters among us bear sole responsibility for their antics. And like I mentioned earlier, anyone can be duped. But for their tactics have a better chance of working if you have certain personality traits.
Two Traits Make the Difference
Disturbed characters most often target folks possessing two qualities they don’t posses: conscientiousness and excessive agreeableness (i.e. deference). So, it’s a solid conscience that makes you most vulnerable to narcissistic manipulation. Manipulators use guilt and shame as their prime weapons. But you have to have the capacity for shame and guilt for the tactics to work. Disturbed characters lack that capacity. Conscientious folks have it in spades.
A narcissist might complain about how unfair you are. And because you inherently want to be fair, you take the complaint seriously. It might not occur to you that guilting or shaming you in this way is a tactic. You realize it later, when they’ve taken advantage too many times.
Always having to be “right” pretty much defines narcissistic pride. Conscientious people care about right and wrong. And they don’t like being in the wrong. So, all the narcissist has to do is to point out legitimate weaknesses, shortcomings, inconsistencies, minor errors or missteps. Before you know it, you start seeing things their way. And worse, once you do, you’re at greater risk to defer.
Narcissistic Manipulation is a Big Problem
Narcissism is far too prevalent these days. It rears its ugly head in many personality and character disturbances. And narcissists feel entitled to toy with others. After all, they see themselves as above others. But they depend on the conscientiousness of their victims. And the they depend on other aspects of their good nature. So, the more a person cares, the more vulnerable they are to the self-serving and heartless. And the more vulnerable they are to narcissistic manipulation.
More will be posted on narcissism and narcissistic manipulation in the coming weeks.
Character Matters will air live Sunday, December 17. (7:00 pm Eastern, 6 pm Central) Call in at 501 258-8326 to ask a question or share your story.
Vyne Education is finalizing venues for next year’s workshops. (They should begin next Spring.) Information should post on the Seminars page soon after the holidays.
Please peruse the blog for its many informative articles.
67 thoughts on “Personalities Prone to Narcissistic Manipulation”
This report in my opinion is spot on the correct button.
I have been living for the past 8years under the same roof as a 100%confirmed narcissist.He has used the 2 character traits the Dr pointed out in this report to completely fool, rule ,use and abuse me into everything and anything which his difficult nature required.
So many victims are so caught up in trying to do better because they believe the problem is them. I had to stop & consider whether I had ever failed this much in the past, despite my best efforts. The answer was NO. It’s not all about one person-but a willingness to compromise. To hear & to be heard. To be flexible & reasonable as opposed to arbitrary & capricious. That’s when I realized there was nothing fair about this. There were no good intentions. It took awhile to realize that some people really do spend all their energy putting others down just to feel powerful. It’s a hard concept to believe but that’s why it’s so toxic. It defies reason.
I can understand what you have written. I can feel the destress you have suffered. My point is,
how do I communicate with you, what is it that makes normal human interaction possible;
If you do not empathise, how do you interact;
Life becomes like a GAME OF CARD OR CHESS, like Black jack. You play the DEALER for THE DEALER IS IN CONTROL
I’ve never looked at any social interaction from the stand point of playing a game. I’m just authentically myself. It feels almost like an insult to intelligence to be manipulative. My problem was that I didn’t believe people existed who would invest so much time & energy into degrading, controlling & manipulating others – seemingly for no reason. Now of course I know better.
I didn’t believe people existed who would invest so much time & energy into degrading, controlling & manipulating others – seemingly for no reason. Now of course I know better.
I learned this too, Much to late really. May I point out that there is a reason for their behaviour. POWER, CONTROL,DOMINATION.
I’m just authentically myself. Me too.
It just makes us fruit ripe for the picking. As the good Dr posted above,
we just have to learn to change ourselves.
Exactly… Especially if these people are considered highly successful and attractive… Why would they want to bother with the pettiness? Because they are psychopaths and they defy logic and reasoning.
MAKING A DIFFERENCE
Dare To Be
When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.
When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.
When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.
When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.
When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.
When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.
When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher.
When love hurts you, dare to love again.
When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.
When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.
When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.
When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.
When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.
When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.
Dare to be the best you can –
At all times, Dare to Be!
Have a Happy Christmas
And a Good New Year
That was beautiful, you made my Christmas!
Coming from you those words are priceless.
Thank you and God Bless
I really liked this Joey, thanks for posting it. Happy holidays to you.
I forgot to say that was a lovely poem and thank you for the uplifting words.
Thank you, Joey. Beautiful poem!
The psychopath who manipulated me was careful not to alienate me too much while we were ‘together.’ On a couple of ocassions, AFTER giving me the silent treatment, he told me it was because of something I had said that was SO AWFUL, I deserved it.
He had me almost believing him. No wonder he was diagnosed anti-social when he was a child.
What does anti-social look like?
Bob – According to the DSM 4TR it looks like this.
Diagnostic Criteria for 301.7 Antisocial Personality Disorder
A. There is pervasive pattern of disregard and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three or more of the following:
1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviours is indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others
6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behaviour or honour financial obligations
7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another
B. The individual is at least 18 years of age.
C. There is evidence of Conduct Disorder with onset before 15 years of age.
D. The occurrence of antisocial behaviour is not exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia or Manic Episode.
Does that answer your question? That’s good I hope so because it doesn’t answer mine but it’s a good start. Suggest you check out the docs books to find out more.
Anti-social was the diagnosis for the psychopath when he was a child. Obviously nobody wants to think their child is a psychopath, so back in the day, any monster type kid from a happy home was labelled anti-social. Now it is ‘oppositional defiance disorder.’
I am not sure what constitutes a diagnosis of anti-social but am aware that anti-social people aren’t necessarily psychopaths.
LisaO, I’ve done some reading on introverts versus anti-social. My ex brother identifies at an introvert who is a CDN, I see him as anti-social to the point of being unapproachable. He can be very charming when he is wearing a mask but he can’t hold it in place very long in social situations or even one on one. What’s your opinion of these two types if you don’t mind me asking. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks.
I think anti-social means having a certain level of animosity towards others. It can be tinged with suspicion or paranoia.
Being introverted means being kind of self contained and not needing or enjoying the company of others as frequently as extroverts. It doesn’t mean having a strong dislike. Maybe a little ambivalence though.
Lisa animosity is a perfect word to describe the anti-social trait in my ex-CDN sib, he did image control with charm (gag) but I saw right through it. In social situations he would abruptly announce it was time for him to go, there was no talking him out of it and it’s my guess he knew his mask was starting to lose it’s grip so he did a “stage right exit” routine you could count on every time. He also felt he was above others, I saw him as a parasite.
I think introverts simply need down time to be alone and re-energize and they find social situations take a lot out of them. I think it’s healthy to enjoy your own company.
I have recently ‘awakened’ after being married to a narcissist. I was separated from my family, friends, and co-workers. I am no angel and started acting out due to the constant abuse and harassment. I got ‘caught’ talking to someone who has now been accused of being my ‘paramour’ in our divorce. During the ‘beginning of the end’, she accused me of being a narcissist and gaslighting. I got scared and started researching the subjects. What I found really scared me in realizing what I had been going through for the last 17 years (and recognizing the trouble my daughter was in). I have been healing for the last 6 months and have made massive strides due to educating myself on what had happened. My focus is no longer on her but, now, on myself and my daughter. My wife efforts have increased to the point that I believe that she was trying to drive me to suicide in order to achieve all that she wanted. Now, though, I am starting to feel somewhat bi-polar due to the emotions that are coming out and the continued harassment and attempts to manipulate.
Now, I have talked to people who have informed me that I may be what is called an ’empath’ (I was told, at one time, that I needed to be a Psychiatrist, because I had an ability to cut through facades and get to a truth; lol, “physician, heal thyself”). This, in part, explains why I was so susceptible to her manipulations and narcissism. Plus, this article have reenforced that belief. I was the perfect victim. I care for all people deeply and will (or used to before we got married) spend any time needed to help someone in need. Her ‘needs’ were constant and anything else “took too much time away from the family” (i.e.: her).
I write here because I need help in further understanding what has happened and ways to move forward. I also need healing in order that I may help my daughter. She definitely shows signs of emotional abuse.
Narcissists target empaths. There are many reasons for this. One being empaths will always take responsibility for the narcissist. Narcissist’s get a big hit out of this and empaths just want to make everything right and fix what is broken. We can’t fix narcissists – that’s it end of story. What we can fix is ourselves and stop our addiction to narcissistic relationships because they have a habit of repeating. I know I don’t want this so I am doing something about it and it’s working beautifully.
We have attraction points in us that allow narcs to hook into us so to speak so they can milk us for what we are worth – physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually – they literally steal our life force. The are the epitome of emotional vampires.
If you seriously want to heal and stop further narcs from entering your life by removing the scripts that have allowed us to have poor boundary function due to childhood victimization and/or neglect. We are targets for a reason.
Research and knowledge about narcs will only get us so far. If we want to earnestly get our life back together and take full responsibility for our own healing then the choice is ours. Really healing from narc abuse takes dedicated self work to get to the mystery of us. I will no longer allow myself to be a target for a narc and I am fast sealing the gaps in my boundaries and removing the false scripts that allow them to “hook” into us and I have found the key for this.
If you are serious about healing then Quantum Freedom Healing is the ticket, it has worked for me and plenty of others I converse with on a daily basis. I’ve been extensively researching for nearly 18 months on Cluster B disorders alone. It has allowed me to understand and recognise them but it has not healed me.
QFH has and things are now turning around in a totally new direction for me now. I have a little way to go yet but I am confident and truly happy like never before. I am evolving myself and finally removing the false scripts about me I’ve been running all my life. I will NEVER be in another narc relationship again.
Miracles to happen and I’m living proof.
Bright Blessings to you and may the force be with you.
For me Dr. Simon’s book provided the necessary spark that I needed toward enlightenment. This blog provides the weekly dose and insightful comments from many people that prevent me from relapsing (it is hard to get rid of decades of beliefs).
In my opinion, the best you can do is invest in yourself & stay strong, and keep in touch with your daughter.
I could not agree more. Investment in self is the best investment we can make EVER.
This is a great link to an article by Nanice Ellis a contributing writer to Wake Up World about self worth and allowing ourselves to be worthy. I hope and others find it as enlightening as I did. It was recommended to me by a very special person who I have been blessed to meet.
Wishing you a joyous and happy Christmas AndyD
You too. Merry Christmas Eudoxia. 🙂
My initial reply was directed to Andy, however, the article was intended for all of you and I hope you read it and enjoy it.
Merry Christmas to all of you and I hope the New Year brings much joy and healing.
Bright blessings to all and sending you all a big Christmas hug!
It sounds as though you are researching and focusing on yourself, trying to figure out what happened and why and how, and that you’re now focusing on helping yourself. Bravo to you. At times we can get too focused on delving into the CD’s mind and not focusing enough on our own healing and recovery. Just be mindful of this, because you don’t want your entire focus on the spouse’s behaviors. Having said this, you know you’ll never change the CD, but you will change, for the better. You’ll see that each day won’t be waking up with a black cloud over your head, you won’t have to defend yourself unnecessarily, you won’t be confused and frustrated. You’ll start living the life that is healthy.
Keep posting, keep reading. I think your halfway where you need to be, but like Andy said, we need constant reinforcement, and we get it here.
Good luck on your awakening Sagah7262. I have also had one regarding my family of origin, as I call them now. I realise that I was never loved my whole life. I knew I was abused but couldn’t put my finger on the real problem. I am now No Contact for 5 years. My mother fits all of the criteria for a Malignant Narcissist, and she controls the entire family. My mother and father let me go, as well as both of my sisters, painful at first, but now I know it’s for the best. They can all have eachother. Unfortunately, if you have children you still need contact with the Narcissist. Again good luck, knowledge is power!
Just an update. I’m getting closer to being rid of the CD. Last week we got a contract on the house. Now I’m hoping it all goes through without too many hitches. I can never ever relax. The SB always throws a wrench and makes what should be a simple matter into a complicated one.
The stress and anxiety this SB brings to me is overwhelming at times and I’m so ready to be done with him.
When it comes time that I’ll not need contact, unless it’s an emergency situation with one of our adult children, what do you all suggest to be said (or not said) in that I want no further contact, email or otherwise. Or do I leave it unsaid? Do I rip him a new one? Do I try to behave like a lady? Take the higher road? Let it all out? Or just pure silence?
Lucy for what it’s worth I went this route: I’ve had three CDs in my life and I didn’t even know it until I found this site and it opened my eyes.
Before I knew what a CDN was I wrote a letter to the first one and no word of a lie it took me almost a year to get it right. I didn’t want to rant or appear as if I was yelling, it became a hobby with me, I edited and edited and rewrote daily because as time went by my emotions became calmer and clearer. I have gone no contact with her but she is married to my eldest brother. I have lost him in this process and he is a huge enabler and so ultimately he is as bad as she is. I also sent a copy of this letter to my CDN’s sister and brother-in-law because they’ve witnessed her behavior and enabled her as well. I’ve never regretted it. There was never a response from anyone.
The second one I went no contact and complete silence, and it gave her the opportunity to do a smear campaign, but I don’t care. That was over eight years ago. I’ve never regretted it.
The third and final one was my ex-sib and I wrote him a letter. His response was vicious and vile and to this day I get feelings of being watched but he is such a coward that I remain confident that I’m okay. I didn’t respond to him again and I’ve gone no contact because that’s what I told him I’d do. I’ve never regretted this either.
Lucy you could write a letter and keep it and over time see if it conveys everything you want to say. It’s not like my actions were going to change the CDs in my life because I was the asshole in their eyes, so as long as you go into this with that in mind then do what you want. Others here might think that it’s best to just walk away so of course there is that too.
For clarification: The ex-sib I spoke of is not the same one that is the enabler.
The ex-sib is a CDN of unbelievable character.
You’ve dealt with three CD’s. My goodness. I could see how a letter could take a year because we change as time goes by.
I certainly don’t want to have to worry about threats in a response. Makes me think just go no contact without a word. Knowing him, he always feels the need to have the last word.
I’ve got a lot to think about.
The last word is NO RESPONSE, not one word. Just keep acting and responding the way you have in the last year. After the sale of the house it will be over. Send any emails from him to the save folder and never respond. Do not answer any of his calls. Give him Nothing, Nada, treat him as if he is dead.
If you give him nothing he has nothing, only his fabricated lies. You will have comfort in giving him nothing and knowing you gave him nothing to use against you. This is protection!!! Beware the CD still bite and can be lethal so give him nothing.
Believe me in the end he will create more havoc and problems than you can ever imagine as you have found out already. Let him rip open his own
Take the high ground the moral ground. Let your character and integrity shine through and rule. Don’t ever reduce yourself to his level. Believe me taking this road, you can never go wrong taking. Continue to hold your head high your above lowering yourself to his level.
You made me laugh. He will and has ripped his own AH. That’s what I’m thinking, give him NOTHING.
Yes, he will always be lethal.
I can put a block on his emails. when this is entirely over,that’s what I will do. If he needs to reach me he can do US mail. That takes effort.
Yes, let him use the US Mail. That way if he does something underhanded, abuses, threatens etc., you can file a complaint with the Postal Inspectors. Believe me, the last thing SB wants is the PI’s knocking at his door.
Yup, get the popcorn and pop out and just sit back and watch the show.
Have a nice glass of wine and relax. The beautiful thing is you don’t have to do nothing. Believe me the last thing you want to do is give him something. Starve him out and let him feed off of someone else that hopefully, will not put up with his shenanigans. There is a sense of comfort, safety and well-being in No Contact.
Glad I got a giggle out of you.
All the comments & advice here are priceless. No amount of research can provide the articulate & straightforward information that all of you provide here. Just wanted to say thank you all & have a very happy holiday season.
This is a parable entitled The Little Soul and the Sun by Neal Donald Walsh from his book entitled conversations with God (this is a conversation with God btw)
A little soul went to God one day and said “God I wish to incarnate on Earth to experience myself as an aspect of you”
“You may choose to be any Part of God you wish to be,” I said to the Little Soul. “You are Absolute Divinity, experiencing Itself. What Aspect of Divinity do you now wish to experience as You?”
“You mean I have a choice?” asked the Little Soul. And I answered, “Yes, You may choose to experience Any Aspect of Divinity in, as, and through you.”
“Okay,” said the Little Soul, “then I choose Forgiveness. I want to experience my Self as the Aspect of God called Complete Forgiveness.”
Well, this created a little challenge, as you can imagine.
There was no one to forgive. All I have created is Perfection and Love.
“No one to forgive?” asked the Little Soul, somewhat incredulously.
“No one,” I repeated. “Look around you. Do you see any souls less perfect, less wonderful than you?”
At this the Little Soul twirled around, and was surprised to see himself surrounded by all the souls in heaven. They had come from far and wide throughout the Kingdom, because they heard that the Little Soul was having an extraordinary conversation from God.
“I see none less perfect than I!” the Little Soul exclaimed. “Who, then, shall I have to forgive?”
Just then, another soul stepped forward from the crowd. “You may forgive me,” said this Friendly Soul.
“For what?” the Little Soul asked.
“I will come into your next physical lifetime and do something for you to forgive,” replied the Friendly Soul.
“But what? What could you, a being of such Perfect Light, do to make me want to forgive you?” the Little Soul wanted to know.
“Oh,” smiled the Friendly Soul, “I’m sure we can think of something.”
“But why would you want to do this?” The Little Soul could not figure out why a being of such perfection would want to slow down its vibration so much that it could actually do something “bad”.
“Simple,” the Friendly Soul explained, “I would do it because I love you. You want to experience your Self as Forgiving, don’t you? Besides, you’ve done the same for me.”
“I have?” asked the Little Soul.
“Of course. Don’t you remember? We’ve been All Of It, you and I. We’ve been the Up and Down of it, and the Left and the Right of it. We’ve been the Here and the There of it. We’ve been the Big and the Small of it, the Male and the Female of it, the Good and the Bad of it. We’ve all been the All of It.
“And we’ve done it by agreement, so that each of us might experience ourselves as the Grandest Part of God. For we have understood that… In the absence of that which You Are Not, that Which You ARE, is NOT.
In the absence of ‘cold’, you cannot be ‘warm’. In the absence of ‘sad’, you cannot be ‘happy’, without a thing called ‘evil’, the experience you call ‘good’ cannot exist.
If you choose to be a thing, something or someone opposite to that has to show up somewhere in your universe to make that possible.”
The Friendly Soul then explained that those people are God’s Special Angels, and these conditions God’s Gifts.
“I ask only one thing in return,” the Friendly Soul declared.
“Anything! Anything,” the Little Soul cried. He was excited not to know that he could experience every Divine Aspect of God. He understood, now, the Plan.
“When I strike you and smite you,” said the Friendly Soul, “in the moments that I do the worst to you that you could ever imagine – soon the pain will cause you to wake up and you will remember who you are then one day when you forgive me you will recognise me so I can wake me too”
“Oh, I won’t forget!” promised the Little Soul. “I will see you in the perfection with which I hold you now, and I will remember Who You Are, always.”
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord’s Prayer at a church service:
“And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us.”
trash passes and passed trash is fitting!
The narc in my personal life, it is a done deal-I could not take her BS any longer. That one is over-I moved. Even though she’s my mother. Not that I don’t love her, I have compassion for what made her this way. And for myself.
What about when it’s a supervisor at work? And the always right, and wow, well, basically the same deal. The guy at work-no one can stand him either-and I now see why the last place he worked let him go.
JC – I hope you obtain some benefit from this article.
How to Heal Emotional Trauma by Nanice Ellis
Why is it so difficult to heal emotional trauma? Maybe it is because we do not understand what our emotional wounds really are, and therefore we go about healing in ways that can never work.
When I was young, I was in a horrifically abusive relationship for over a year. Even though I was able to eventually “get out” and save myself, it took me many years to figure out how to heal the deep emotional wounds.
Understanding Emotional Wounds
We tend to think of an emotional wound as the original traumatic experience – as the “thing” that happened to us, but the wound is actually the dis-empowering belief that we developed as a result of the traumatic experience.
In the search for emotional security, our natural response to any traumatic event is to make sense of it. We “make sense” of things by creating beliefs. Beliefs that we develop in response to traumatic experiences are Traumatic Beliefs. Because Traumatic Beliefs are disempowering and painful, they become emotional wounds.
The reason many people don’t heal is because they try to heal the original traumatic experience and not the Traumatic Belief. By understanding that emotional wounds are actually the Traumatic Beliefs that we hold about ourselves and/or the world, we have the power to heal.
When a child experiences himself as abandoned, for example, that child forms beliefs around abandonment in order to explain why he was abandoned. The child may answer the question, “Why?” by creating a belief that he was not good enough. The abandonment is the not the wound. The wound is the belief in unworthiness. In this case, healing involves releasing the Traumatic Belief of unworthiness.
Two people can experience the same trauma and have completely different responses, because they develop very different beliefs about the experience.
Traumatic Beliefs Create Emotional Needs
Traumatic Beliefs always create corresponding emotional needs which must be met in order to heal. The catch is that a Traumatic Belief also creates an invisible barrier that keeps the emotional need from being met. For example, if the Traumatic Belief is, “I am not worthy,” the emotional need is feeling worthy. If you could feel unconditionally worthy, the wound would heal. The problem is, if you believe that you are not worthy, you will block the feeling of worthiness because it does not align with your beliefs about worth. This is also why healing is so challenging.
Traumatic Beliefs are Self-fulfilling and Self-Sabotaging
When we have been wounded, we feel justified in holding onto Traumatic Beliefs. Part of us may even think that these beliefs keep us from getting hurt again, and the thought of releasing them makes us feel very vulnerable – without these beliefs, what will protect us? But, Traumatic Beliefs do not protect us in the first place. In fact, these beliefs are self-sabotaging by being self-fulfilling. When we look closely, it becomes apparent that these beliefs actually cause, attract and create more of what we do not want. All beliefs effect the quantum field that creates our reality, but Traumatic Beliefs have an even stronger influence on reality because they are fueled with intense emotional energy. Therefore, if we believe we are powerless, we attract situations to us that support that belief.
Take Full Responsibility
An essential key to healing is taking complete responsibility for your life and for your wounds. As long as you blame the outside world for your pain, you give away your power to heal. This is not about letting others off the hook who have harmed us. This is about empowering yourself to be whole. If you cannot find a way to take responsibility for your life experiences, then begin by taking responsibility for your beliefs. Regardless of what transpired in the outside world, you are the only one who thinks your thoughts and therefore you are responsible for creating and believing any Traumatic Beliefs. This means that you also have the power to release these beliefs, and, therefore, you can heal yourself.
Why are Traumatic Beliefs so Painful?
Traumatic Beliefs disconnect you from who you really are because your true self could never believe that you are powerless or unworthy. When you accept these disempowering beliefs, you experience separation from your true self and this is the cause of pain and suffering. The pain is your inner guidance system alerting you to the disconnection so that you can heal by releasing incongruent beliefs.
The Higher Purpose of Traumatic Experiences
The higher purpose of traumatic experiences is to point our attention to hidden or underlying beliefs that already exist in our psyche. The traumatic experience activates the hidden belief so that we are aware of it, in order to heal. This is the point. You cannot heal something that you are unaware of. The pain directs your attention to the belief that needs to be healed in order for you to awaken.
Four Traumatic Beliefs
In order to heal, it is important that you uncover the Core Traumatic Belief(s) of the wound. There are four Core Traumatic Beliefs: Victimhood, Powerlessness, Worthlessness and Loss. All Traumatic Beliefs fall into one or more of these four categories.
When I was in that horrifically abusive relationship, the greatest of the wounds was the belief that I was a victim; causing me to live in great fear for many years, even after the abuse had ended. Because I was desperate to heal and have my life back, I finally looked deep into my own self. Eventually, what I understood was that I was feeling like a victim well before that relationship had ever manifested. The relationship overtly demonstrated my inner beliefs in the outer world in a way that I could not ignore.
Later, as an adult, the healing was remembering, at the deepest level, that I was responsible for my own life, and that my life was a reflection of all my beliefs. I discovered that the opposite of victim is not survivor. The opposite of victim is creator. When I remembered that I was the creator of my life, victimhood could no longer exist – and the wound was permanently healed.
The key to healing the Traumatic Belief of victimhood is waking up to who you really are and remembering that you are the creator of your life. Maybe you don’t understand how you created something, and you would certainly not consciously create a traumatic event that would make you feel victimized, nonetheless, we unconsciously create from hidden subconscious beliefs, and physical events in our lives give us clues to these underlying beliefs.
Once we become aware of theses disempowering beliefs, we have the opportunity to consciously heal them, by over-turning them, declaring their falsehood and turning toward a higher truth. In this case, the higher truth is I am the creator of my life. True power comes from learning to be a conscious creator, but this can only happen as we flush out unconscious beliefs and we align with the truth of who we really are.
Even before we experience any traumatic events, most of us are socialized to believe that the world has power over us. So, when a traumatic experience does unfold, the idea of being powerless is already in our belief system, therefore, powerlessness seems an appropriate way to make sense of a negative event.
Healing from the Traumatic Belief of powerlessness is embracing ones intrinsic power – not the power that comes from control, but rather the power that originates in the core of your being and connects you to the universe and all that is. Healing the Traumatic Belief of powerlessness is an emotional journey from powerless to powerful.
Of all the Traumatic Beliefs, worthlessness runs the deepest. We are programmed to believe that we are unworthy from the time we are very young. So when we experience trauma, and we search internally for a belief that will make sense of the experience, unworthiness quickly answers the question, “Why did this happen to me?”
Of course, unworthiness is a false belief and therefore it must be exposed in order to be released. When it is hidden, there is no need to pay attention but once it causes pain, you must do something about it. The good and bad news is that the pain will not go away until the false belief of unworthiness is released and you cease seeking proof of your worth in the outside world. The world cannot give or take away your worth because your worth is intrinsic and guaranteed. Absolute healing is attained when you discover and claim your unconditional worth.
Often, when we have an emotional wound, we believe that someone has taken something from us. No matter how hard we try, it appears impossible to retrieve what has been stolen. This search often keeps the wound alive – believing that we have lost something and it must be retrieved keeps us locked in a vicious cycle of perpetual hurt.
Loss does not necessarily create an emotional wound. We all experience loss – loss of an aging parent or loss of a relationship, for example. Loss is part of the flow of life. Grieving is a natural response to loss and it is the process of letting go. However, if we do not let go, loss can turn into an emotional wound. This occurs when a Traumatic Belief is formed about the loss; for example, beliefs like, “no one will ever love me again,” or “everyone I care about leaves me.” Again, it is the Traumatic Belief that creates the emotional wound and not the loss itself.
When loss creates an emotional wound, we often close down and cut ourselves off from the very thing that could heal us. If we develop a Traumatic Belief around losing love, we not only block potential new relationships, we cut ourselves off from self-love and even higher love. In other words, we do to ourselves what we fear others might do to us.
The healing is remembering that the Source of who you really are provides all that you need, if only you ask, allow and receive – by trusting something greater than the physical self, you align with the rhythm of the universe where the idea of loss does not exist. Inherent in all Traumatic Beliefs is the absolute truth of your existence.
How do we actually heal Traumatic Beliefs?
Release Identification with the Wound
When we develop and feed wounds with our attention over the course of years, we begin to identify with the wound, or, better said, we create an identity around the wounded-self. So, now we are not just releasing a wound, we are letting go of our identity. The thing is, you are not and can never be a wounded identity. This is a false belief and a false identity. In order to heal, it is important that you begin to release the identification with the wound, and that you begin to see yourself as whole – not the wounded self, but the whole self. Who are you without this wound? This is who you really are, and this is who you must become again.
Meet Your Own Emotional Needs
Emotional wounds are often left open because we continue to look to others to meet our emotional needs. In order to heal, we must take responsibility for our own emotional needs and we must find ways to meet them. So, instead of looking to others for love, for example, we must love ourselves. By giving ourselves love, we fill the wound, and we heal.
Transformational Forgiveness is not about forgiving another or forgiving ourselves, as much as it is about letting go of the beliefs that keep us trapped – as the prisoner of unhealed wounds. Ask yourself, “Do I want to heal more than I want to hold onto these beliefs?” If the answer is yes, it is time to let go of disempowering false beliefs.
Allow Emotions to Process Through
In order to heal an emotional wound, emotions must be able to “process through” until completion. If we allow our emotions to come up over and over again without resolution, we are actually reactivating the wound and each time we do, it magnifies. Healing requires resolution. This means feeling your emotions completely and not pushing them down or away. The healing comes when you allow your emotions space to be experienced until the process is complete. In order to allow emotions to “process through” you must get in your body. Emotional wounds are stored in the body, and therefore the way to release them is by getting in your body and feeling your emotions until the process feels complete.
Since the mind does not know the difference between real and imagined, it is possible to go back to a past event and revise it in such a way that the wound automatically heals. The key to successful revision is giving your past-self a new set of beliefs that empower him or her to know your worth, power and connection to who you really are. In this way, you can revise your past-self to speak the truth, set a boundary or exercise personal power in a way that allows your past-self to rise up; ultimately avoiding the emotional trauma or responding to the traumatic event in a way that no wound was created.
Look for a Deeper Truth
For me, my complete healing came from the realization that the person whom I thought hurt me was actually in my life to save me, by physically demonstrating the emotional abuse that I was imposing on myself. Without him serving me in this way, how would I have been able to identify my feelings of victimhood, worthlessness and powerlessness that I carried from childhood? By understanding this deeper truth, my emotional pain transmuted into gratitude. There is always a deeper truth. If you haven’t uncovered a truth that sets you free, go deeper, and keep going until you find it.
Every thought and belief has a coinciding vibration. Fear is at the low end of the vibratory spectrum while love is at the high end. Emotional wounds are low vibratory beliefs about oneself and/or the world. The wound exists at a low vibration and it keeps you stagnated at this low vibration. If you were to consistently raise your vibration to a higher vibration and keep it there, the wound could not exist. In other words, if you turned your full attention toward love and forgiveness, the wound would dissolve because it cannot exist at a high vibration.
The Commitment to Heal
Healing requires commitment and consistency. Because trauma wires your brain for disempowering beliefs, emotional healing requires the re-wiring of your brain for empowering beliefs; this involves the development of new conscious thought patterns that are consistently practiced over a period of time.
Enlisting the help of a healing professional to assist you may exponentially quicken the healing process, but in the end you must do it for yourself. In healing yourself you discover the strength, courage and power to live your life the way it was intended to be lived. If you are here to help others heal, maybe you access the skills to do so, that could not have been acquired in any other manner than going through the process yourself.
The ultimate healing is the awakening to your power and worth. You cannot remember that you are unconditionally worthy and intrinsically powerful and still maintain emotional wounds. There is nothing that cannot be healed through the power of knowing your Real Self.
“How to Heal Emotional Trauma,” by Nanice Ellis, January 31, 2015 at http://wakeup-world.com/2015/01/31/how-to-heal-emotional-trauma/
Thank you. This looks like it is going to be very helpful.
One of my hypesensitivities is people saying I am crazy. Or implying I am stupid.
How to heal that in some ways is resolving this-and proving that I am not. I know it can be said I don’t have to prove anything to anyone (except myself). But I am returning to school for my MS in Nutrition (a. I want to, b. with my GI isuses, it will help me help myself).
But remaining financially independent but also emotionally independent. One of the things I have noticed is the relationship with her, has affected my ability to trust anyone. I come completely unglued when someone shares information about me with other people-especially without asking. I had a counselor I had shared email with, most of it simple housekeeping issues and someone else in the “system” who didn’t like something else I was doing, took a communication I made with her via email, and passed it along to the counselor.
I disconnected services with both the people who shared my information as well as the counselor. Others-back from when I was a kid and when I worked a program recently I realized how much trusting therapists and counselors is an issue-from this even, but I was also 13. I mentioned the abuse in an group for children of alcoholics (my father is), and the counselor shared what I had said in group about the relationship with my mother-with the one person I had the problems with. You know what happened from there.
It is also from being pawned off on them because some people need to not have children (bad it it may sound).
When I want to learn to live my life without those folks around much, none of them seem to believe that I can live better without them. Bit narcissistic, IMO.
And as you guys have said before not good as many of the docs and nurses, good people as they may be-are socially unskilled-as a result, I need to learn some social skills myself. Learning how to establish trust-without jumping overboard is the starting place, I think.
I totally understand where you are coming from and you have an amazing opportunity to heal yourself using your experiences as a guide.
If you want to know more about this please feel free to email me at email@example.com.
I don’t want to tie up this blog because it could create controversy and I have no wish to do that.
Merry Christmas JC – life seriously does just get better after abuse when we harnass the energy and use it to heal ourselves.
After reading, I had the similar response to when Charlie Brown exclaimed “That’s it!” after Lucy described his condition in a Charlie Brown Christmas. It wasn’t so apparent not so many years ago when I was up against an individual that was more interested in their power and control, than doing what was right for our community. As a new board member of our woefully mismanaged HOA by this individual and the secretary, it was necessary to take some drastic steps to wrench control from the leaders who put the association on a financial path to insolvency or at best high assessments for upcoming projects. Something had to be done. Well, the forced out narcissistic president set about regularly challenging every decision and since I had little knowledge of HOA operations took extreme advantage of my conscientiousness. Unfortunately since I had made the ‘coup’ possible, the other board members tended to watch from the sidelines to stay for the most part out of the fray. While it was often painful, since we were homeowners, we had a vested interest in doing what was right for ‘everyone’ and in doing so, we would also benefit; win-win so to speak. The individuals seemingly endless 3-5 page screeds challenging the boards actions were wearing and nearly led to attorney intervention as recommended by our property manager. Fortunately, since their recommendation was copied to the individual as well, they must have taken the threat seriously for that alone began a somewhat parting of the dark clouds that hung over the HOA and our boards decision making. Apparently that’s the price to pay for having a conscious.
Lessons learned were that it was imperative to delve into the HOA records and operations to gain a better understanding to gain the upper hand when it became necessary to respond to the individual. The same can go for other situations as well that we may encounter in life. Knowledge is a good thing. Frankly I would have rather just blended into the background but apparently that was not my lot in life in an HOA; I cared too much.
I had a eureka moment a few days ago and it’s been on my mind ever since. I think I’ve cracked the mystery as to why it appears my SS has stepped away from us. What I mean is, our relationship with him is erratic and superficial at best and he barely acknowledges special occasions if at all.
It dawned on me that before he met his present spouse who is a narcissistic, manipulative covert aggressor we enjoyed a good relationship with him. I felt a warm feeling from him when we got together and we often made plans to get together to watch him play in his band. Then IT came into the picture.
I’m convinced that my SS told his wife when they were dating that he enjoys a good relationship with us and probably elaborated on the things he likes. I know the way he talks and he had always been respectful. The shift with us was almost immediate.
I’ve since come to realize that she needs a lot of attention but not in an overt way. She isn’t loud or boisterous but she appears to maneuver events so that she comes out looking the best even in the most trite circumstances. She is always hosting something either at work for social gatherings or community events. She actually corrected the emcee at their wedding when he said how many “friends” she had on Facebook (over 600). “Friends” my ass. Her father said in his speech “she will do anything to get what she wants.” My H and I just looked at each other and said “we now have confirmation.”
If my SS told her about us having a good relationship with him then it’s more than likely she covertly got rid of us and made him look like the bad guy. We have been angry and hurt by how he has changed over the last seven years and I’ve come to realize that this is exactly what she wants. She has succeeded in as close to a complete estrangement as one can get with him all the while appearing as if her hands are clean.
We have LC with her and my H keeps in touch periodically with his son. I pretty much have nothing to do with him because I was so angry, now I feel sorry for him. He was raised by and is still covertly manipulated by his narcissistic mother, his first marriage was to another manipulative woman and then the icing on the cake is his marriage to this one. I don’t want to paint a picture that shows him as weak, he has a mind of his own and he is a self-absorbed person in his own right. I think as long as he feels he gets his way and from his wife then he is happy and she would be in a position to give him what he wants as long as she gets what she wants. Am I making sense?
Yep. You are making sense.
Your SS is probably past isolation phase. It comes after communication disruption phase, where targets communication with outside world (relatives & friends) is disrupted. In isolation phase, target’s relatives and friends are completely alienated. Post isolation phase, target dismantling phase starts where target is progressively told that he is worthless. This is where even an asocial target may offer resistance.
You probably do not know for sure what exactly is the case, whether he doesn’t yet understand it, or maybe he is comfortable with it, or may be wants it. Anyways, in either case, your involvement may cause fireworks. So, your call whether you want to limit your self to short call once in a while or want to be engaged more.
Andy D, when I insert SS’s name where you say target it really helps me to understand what you mean. I think you said it perfectly. Of course I don’t know what’s in his head but I do know they have had marital problems, he suspects infidelity on her part but he said she denies it, he wants to give her the benefit of the doubt. Yeah okay.
It wouldn’t matter if we bent over backwards trying to please her because it’s what she would expect and we’d end up hurt anyway. We know this and so we are saving ourselves from emotional anguish by just being here and living our lives. I thought he was like this because he devalued us to her but now I’m convinced it’s because she has “disrupted the communication” from day one and it’s become the norm. She pursued my SS when he was married to his first wife, remember her father’s words at the wedding reception? “She will do anything to get what she wants”
That woman is going to be a difficult one to divorce. I can see the writing on the walls, having just gone through a difficult divorce. And SS knows it will be difficult.
And she probably knows or suspects or at least is worried that he will tell you and your H about the infidelity suspicion, so that would further strengthen her attempts to keep SS imprisoned by her clutches.
Lucy, one thing about SS is he is an open book, and so he told H he has been to marriage counselling because of some problems. We found out about the infidelity suspicion because he let it out to our daughter. SS is a procrastinator to the nth degree, if it becomes unbearable in his marriage he will most likely sabotage it to make her leave the marriage. What he doesn’t get is she will maintain power without him even knowing about it. He is like a lamb going to slaughter.
Then again there marriage could be one they both get something out of, who knows.
I am convinced that she controls the communication between us and him and since I had the eureka moment and Andy explained it the way he did it really confirms this because it’s what we’ve experienced.
I understand where you are coming from. It’s incredibly hard to deal with people we know and care about when they are involved in these types of relationships. But the thing is, it is actually none of our business.
We have no control over others or how they see us. We have no right to make judgements or know what is best for another human being. You have picked her for what she is but the only thing you really have to do here is just accept that. She is your SIL’s wife and he’s an adult.
At this point in time we must be very careful of who we give our energy to. The CD is very efficient in extracting others life force and depleting our energy. When we are focusing on another’s problems we are actually operating in resistance to life.
What I would really suggest is you try to keep your attention on yourself and your husband. Don’t allow her to take your energy by giving any of it to her. Because on an energtic level you are actually empowering her. Allow your SIL to be who he needs and wants to be. Be there for him but come from a place with a loving and open heart for when he is ready to talk or share his problems. Don’t wast your precious energy on a CD.
Be there for him but step back and like your hubbie said “just be who you are” allow all the rest to just flow over you. You can be aware of it without giving unneccessary energy to it. I hope this makes sense.
In all honesty SYdNey it took me a very long while to wrap my head around this. By focusing on them and what they are doing empowers them and depletes our own life force. Protect your own life force at all costs. You’ll live longer!
Eudoxia, I have all of that down pat, I don’t give her any energy, I’m not looking for anything from her, I have not iota of an emotional investment in her and I don’t have plans to be anything other than myself.
My initial post was to say that I finally got it through my head that it was her influence over him that disrupted our easy relationship. I now realize the enormity of the situation in which she needs attention and what lengths she will go to be number one. She cannot stand to see my SS favor us in any way and he is blind to her manipulations.
Andy D got what I meant, H keeps an open connection with him at all times, if he chooses to swallow the poison she spews then there is nothing we can do about it.
There may come a time when he divorces this woman, and having had no or minimal contact with relatives may make him feel awkward enough to not reach out to those he left.
Since he won’t attend family gatherings, your H’s only hope may be to meet up for short visits with his son, for lunch or a ballgame.
Personally, I wouldn’t give up on a son or daughter who is being strangled by a spouse. I’d keep some contact. Let them know they aren’t forgotten and are loved. But I’d only want a one-on-one visit, excluding his wife. He’ll most likely say no to all the offers, but who knows, maybe he’ll get fed up and grow some.
Andy & Lucy,
We have an open door policy with him, we don’t guilt or shame my SS on his behavior. My husband has tried to keep up annual traditions that he and SS always enjoyed together but seems to be fading out. In the past SS and I had an easy rapport and I was the first person he came to when his first marriage came apart. Everything is gone now because she has to be number one at all times. She is one of the most cunning people I have ever seen. Always with the digs that are said with “tongue in cheek.” We see her once a year and that’s it, but my H does keep communication open with his son.
Unless the marriage ends then I think this will be all that it is. On a personal level we have a very good life and my H (thank-goodness) has said ” let’s just be ourselves.”
I think SS misses us, he presents a more relaxed demeanor on the off chance he drops in, but if she’s around even for that one day a year he has this haughtiness to him when she is sitting across the table from him. I am completely convinced she has done a smear campaign on us to her parents and her friends.
To Lucy, your thoughts? You too AndyD?
Lucy you replied to me:
“Since he won’t attend family gatherings, your H’s only hope may be to meet up for short visits with his son, for lunch or a ballgame.
Personally, I wouldn’t give up on a son or daughter who is being strangled by a spouse. I’d keep some contact. Let them know they aren’t forgotten and are loved. But I’d only want a one-on-one visit, excluding his wife. He’ll most likely say no to all the offers, but who knows, maybe he’ll get fed up and grow some.”
Update: Stepson & CDN wife do attend the one farcical family gathering we do together near Christmas. Again my H had a prearranged one on one breakfast date with his son at 9 a.m. last Sunday, and once again his son was a no show. Son called at noon sounding half asleep or hungover to ask “what’s up” on voice mail.
The breakfast was is a tradition to acknowledge his son’s birthday and his son knew this. We were not home at the time of SSs call and after hearing the message H simply deposited the card and gift in a mailbox to be delivered in the same city we live in. My H is painfully realizing the thoughtless, inconsiderate man his son is, and coupled with a CDN master manipulator for a wife we cannot keep putting ourselves out to be continually disregarded. They have been together for 9 years, I saw the light after 6 months but it’s taken my H this long to admit that it’s just too emotionally draining to have his son behave this way with not one ounce of redemption after every thoughtless act.
One bit of back history so please bear with me;
Some years ago we invited SS and his lovely CDN wife for dinner, my SS called the day before to cancel. I could hear his wife murmuring along side of him as he haltingly tried to have one ear open to our conversation and one ear open to her instructions. He said “we – can’t- make – it, Trashly’s- er, um cousin’s are in and er, um they are surprising her with an er, um visit (insert long pause because he was waiting for me to respond) and then said “OH YEAH!! but – we – can – maybe-er, um- come – for – er, um – drinks – later”. My H was LIVID when I told him he cancelled!
We are invited to SSs surprise birthday party… three weeks after his actual birthday (don’t ask). We wouldn’t have attended regardless, but we do want to respond to CDN DIL’s private invite to us as she has asked us to RSVP. The invite in part said “in lieu of gifts a collection will be taken to buy M a gift card to his favorite music store.” How presumptuous to even expect gifts on her husband’s behalf let alone dictate what that gift is expected to come in the form of. What happened to your presence is his present? This is not a free evening it’s at a public venue with a cash bar!
We’d like to respond: Can’t make it as Sydney’s cousins are planning a surprise visit but maybe we will drop in for drinks later. We’ve mailed our donation to M so that he can add it to the other collections. We’re sure fun will be had by all!
It is hard to suggest one thing over another, but if you believe that step-son is getting stifled in his married life, then you should keep communication channel open with him. A call a month won’t hurt, even if it is not answered properly.
Thanks for your reply Andy, our opinion is that he is not being stifled in his marriage, we think he gets what he wants out of the relationship, he has the freedom to pursue his hobby in music, has beers with the boys and she in turn has her outside interests as well. We think she manipulates if he is showing any consideration for people she doesn’t want in her life and that’s where the alienation comes up. This said, his mother is a master manipulator and his first wife was fairly benign compared to the mother and second wife. BUT, he is not without fault either. I have seen thoughtless behavior for years and now I’m wondering if he has narcissistic traits as well.
I’m curious as to what you think about our response to the invite. It has a hidden message only she will get. She is a “tongue in cheek” covert bully who demeans and this will fling it right back at her. In our opinion it will be our only chance and I can bet my last dollar she would never tell SS.
I think it is pointless to send “coded” message to a crafty bugger who has decades of experience in such matter. Do not fight battle on her home turf. Be direct. Be straight.
My mind always travels to responses such as you entertained to the CDN, hitting back. But then we all know the best response is as Andy and BOTV say, direct and to the point, with dignity. I know it’s hard when one has a fighter in them (me), but it’s best to practice restraint.
I sure helps to cope when you understand the dynamics of what’s going on, as you do.
And We all learn fro each other, and you’ve got lots of wisdom to offer
Ok Andy, we’ll decline the invitation graciously. Thanks.
I second AndyD on this whole conversation. Keep it simple and be direct.
Honesty and decency go a long way. It doesn’t matter her truth, it is a matter of Truth. Good luck..
Good news! The last bit of divorce issue has been resolved. The judge will sign off on the final order this week, and I Will Be Completely Done with the CDN (a/k/a shitbag for those of you who follow).
The breakup process began in May of 2014 and it has taken this long to go through the messy court process with the X.
A huge thank you to all who have supported me, who have posted so I could learn from them, from their trials. I have gotten excellent advice here from Dr. Simon’s articles and the real life experiences of all of us here.
I’ve lost lots of money, retirement benefits, gained lots of weight, hadn’t slept peacefully till two days ago. Suffered anxiety and chronic worry and high stress. BUT IT’S NOW OVER! I’ve kept my children’s relationship intact, am helping raise my 3 year old grandson, helping support my adult daughter. Have made new friends through a group I’ve joined, have gotten back into my Nia dance practice. Am of the frame of mind to do something with this overweight body. Am ready to rebuild, restore finances and health, mind and body.
Let me tell you, if I can get through what I did anyone can. I felt like I was dealing with a terrorist. Every situation I was put in I was guaranteed to fail, meaning it would cost me so much in legal fees to “win” that I’d still lose.
But it’s done.
When dealing with this type of CDN in one’s life, you’ve got to cut your losses. There is no win.
What a relief. I’ve got my life back. The Giant Slimy Leach is off my back.
thank you thank you thank you
I am so happy for you. What a long haul…. and you handled all this with the strength of your character. Let this be a learning experience to help you grow even further. Turn it around and use all this for good to be the best you can be. You have so much to offer.
Yes, we need to take care of ourselves. I can relate on the weight and your going forward encourages all of us to do the same. Its wonderful hearing how well you are doing, along with our Joey and JC. It brings tears of joy and big smile knowing you are all doing so well. I am fortunate I can be a part of your joy.
Be well, Kindred Spirit, you are close to heart. Now, go live life to the fullest. Don’t forget us here, you have so much wisdom to share.
Gods blessings to you and your family.
Good stuff Lucy!!!!!!!!!!! excellent! Must be one hell of a relief. It’s good to see the back of those slimy leaches.
I’ve not seen any of my perpetrators either. Not hide nor hair of them and the local one’s don’t give me one ounce of trouble. We have to be in the right mind set to deal with these swamp creatures. If we aren’t they will eat us alive.
I’m at the stage now where the minute I start to feel slimed I can stand on my own two feet and send them straight back into the hole they crawled out of. I have no trouble standing my ground and they can’t bring me down to their level any more than they can assassinate the Pope.
I think I’m right and the big challenge for me will come when I go to get my money back. Which is coming soon because now I’m pretty well back to my normal self but in a much more empowered and upleveled state. I’ve bounced back bigger and better than what I ever was before my AIDS started to practice bastardry.
All good in that respect because they are a mirror simply reflecting back to us that which is within us that is unhealed. All the gaps and blind spots have been closed. Now the fun begins…………………..
I am very pleased for you Lucy – just jump in the water’s fine!
Sending you a big hugg!!!!! xx
What’s the deal with getting money back? What kind of person are you dealing with?
Hopefully now I’ll be able to realize who I can and cannot trust. Any newcomer will have to earn my trust this go around. And I’m a strong believer in looking at one’s history. History shows one’s character.
When you mention AIDS are you speaking of medical condition? I didn’t know you were ill. I’m sorry.
LOL @ AIDs it’s what narcs are known as on the NARP site – Angels in Disguise. It suites if we use them for their intended purpose of which I am only now absolutely embracing. We have to have darkness as well as light one can’t exist without the other. This is all going into my book.
No it doesn’t mean we kiss and make up and lets have wine and cheese. Quite the opposite – it takes two to tango. The toxic tango is a wounded soul and a dark soul. I know you and many of you here will never grasp this concept but it takes a dark soul to heal a wounded soul. I get and accept the lesson of this finally.
I don’t have AIDS dear one. LOL and I am not ill. Far from it :-
The money is still outstanding from my former best friend. I’ve let it sit on the back burner until I am healed enough to get the best results from this. There is little point in dealing with CD when we are in a wounded state. They will just continue to invite us out of integrity by hitting all our buttons. I have no intention of handing my sovereignty over to them just like that.
I’ve got a bit more house cleaning to go yet then when the time is right I will know it at my core level. Everything happens for a reason. We are all here for a purpose – nothing is random except ego.
Good to know that you no longer be forced to put up with him. Hopefully coming time is much better to you than what you faced in recent years.
Money is not everything as long as you have sufficient for your needs and wants.
I won’t have to directly put up with him, but he’s still there, the father of my two adult children. But he can’t hurt me now.
Yes money is not everything. I will have to work much longer than previously planned but so do most people. I had this great plan and it got smashed. So my job will provide with what I need and want. Just got to stay healthy for the long haul.
I imagine my health will get better, start feeling more energized with that weight off my shoulders.