Ego Inflation and Narcissistic Exaggeration

Narcissists exaggerate just about everything. They might actually have some noteworthy talents and skills. But they can’t seem to help exaggerating their abilities. They might even be successful to a degree. Still, they tend to exaggerate their accomplishments. Sometimes, they have a compensatory need to embellish things. But more often, they embellish when there seems little need for them to do so. That others wondering why they they do it.

Ego inflation is a hallmark feature of a narcissist’s character. It reflects their exaggerated sense of self-importance. Always wanting to be seen as better, and sometimes actually believing themselves superior, narcissists stretch the truth of matters. And their truth-stretching tends to go in different directions, depending on how the actual truth reflects upon their image. You see, for the narcissist, image is everything. So, they’ll minimize shortcomings and failures, just as they’ll exaggerate anything that makes them look special or superior.

The Narcissist’s Problem with the Simple, Plain Truth

Narcissists don’t just stretch the truth. The most severely disturbed of them actually concoct their own truth. And they do so for the most diabolical of self-serving reasons: to gaslight others. They understand that if you they something often enough, unawaveringly, and with apparent deep conviction, they will eventually convince others.  It also helps them preserve and promote the image they want to maintain. This, in a nutshell, is the secret to manipulation. (For more on all these issues see: In Sheep’s Clothing.)

Remember the tale from which we get the term narcissist? In that tale, Narcissus doesn’t fall in love with himself. He’s enamored of the perfect image he sees reflected back to him. Compensatory narcissists present an image they inwardly know to be false. But the most grandiose narcissists exaggerate so much and so often that they convince themselves of their purported greatness. This pattern brings them dangerously close to delusionality. And sadly, it doesn’t take much for some grandiose narcissists to step over the line of sanity.

Truth, is arguably the ultimate “higher power” or authority. It sets the record straight. And it serves as a more objective assessment of things. All narcissists tend to disregard the more objective truth. But some are at all-out war with it. Respecting no higher power or authority, and tending to be “legends in their own minds,” they fight against any objective assessment. The truth, they insist, is what they say it is! Only the most positive reflection on themselves will do. So, the only “reality” they’ll accept is one that confirms their greatness. Again, such thinking borders on the delusional.

The Worst Exaggeration

While narcissists tend to exaggerate just about everything, the worst thing they exaggerate is their sense of self-importance. I emphasize the importance of a healthy, balanced ego and sense of self-worth in all my books, especially Character Disturbance and Essentials for the Journey. (See also: Sound Character Requires a Balanced Ego.) Not knowing your true worth and where that worth actually comes from is a serious problem for healthy character formation. It prompts a person to either undervalue him/herself and tolerate and defer too much, or overvalue him/herself and tend to exploit and abuse.

The Harm Done

Narcissism is a most harmful condition of character. And it’s harmful to everyone, including the narcissist. The level of harm is comensurate with the type and level of seriousness of the narcissism. (See also: The Narcissistic Malignancy Spectrum.)

Enabling narcissism, whether done wittingly or unwittingly, is also harmful. It can even be catastrophic. It’s also as inherently damaging to the enabler as it is to the narcissist. No one actually profits from narcissism, although it can disturbingly seem otherwise. I speak to these issues in depth in Essentials for the Journey.

Narcissists exaggerate when it advances their image-promotion agenda. But success in this endeavor depends upon “willing accomplices.” Want to help make things better for yourself and everyone else? Then stop affording the narcissistic character in your life any attention whatsoever. And stop paying any deference to him or her. The harm for giving narcissistic behavior a pass always outweighs the seeming benefits that prompt a person to tolerate or enable it in the first place.