Narcissism Dynamics

Narcissism dynamics are behaviors and interaction patterns displayed by narcissists. And several of the more common ones just happen to begin with the letter “A.”  Narcissists want, and sometimes even demand, several things. Among them are attention, affirmation, admiration, adulation, acclamation, and adoration.

The aforementioned things represent what narcissists seek. They also represent a hierarchy to some degree. That is, to some extent, adoration-seekers are more pathological than mere attention-seekers. And certain types of narcissists tend to crave some of these things more vigorously than the others. What they crave and how seriously they crave or demand it says a lot about the kind of narcissist someone is.

Attention and Affirmation-Seeking

Vulnerable, compensatory (i.e. relatively “neurotic“) narcissists often do things to draw attention to themselves. They love being seen and heard. It makes them feel important. But character-impaired narcissists will solicit attention, too. In fact, they often virtually demand to be seen, heard, and recognized. So, while attention-seeking is among the more common narcissism dynamics, a person’s attitude towards it says a lot about what kind of narcissist they might be.

Narcissists who become accomplished garnerers of attention quickly become at ease being the center of attention. They also become easily perturbed and possibly even hostile when anyone or anything else steals the limelight. Remember, for narcissists, it always has to be about them.

One of the defining narcissism dynamics involves affirmation-seeking. Narcissists are notorious for always having to be “right.” In their minds, their perspectives, their ways, and their opinions are always right, whereas those of others are always flawed. And they’ll do their best to convince you how right they are. Still, the more vulnerable, compensatory want their views and their very way of being in the world, affirmed. Contrarily, grandiose types, convinced of the soundness of their judgment, want only your recognition of the fact, as a way of showing deference. Notice, however, that I said want, and not “need.” As I’ve written before, a want is not the same as a need. (See also:  Wants and Needs Are Not the Same.) And when it comes to character disturbance, sometimes what a person wants is the last thing they need if they’re ever to become a more decent person.

Admiration, Adulation and Acclamation

The narcissism dynamics of admiration, adulation, and acclamation are quite telltale. All narcissists want to be seen as special, important, superior. And the degree to which they seek these things can be a measure of the seriousness of their pathology. Even more telltale, however, is how the narcissist regards these matters. Compensatory types care how others see them. But the most severely disturbed types already feel special, important, superior, etc. They just want others to recognize the fact and feel humbled — or else!!

Adulation is open praise. And it’s something many of the more problematic narcissists seek. But acclamation goes a little farther. It involves more widespread, visible praise. The more seriously narcissistic the person, the more they will likely crave monuments built to them. Already problematically “legends in their own minds,” they revel in testaments to their greatness.

Adoration

Of all the aforementioned narcissism dynamics, adoration is the most telling. The most malignantly narcissistic folks among us want to be adored, worshiped, even deified. The core pathology of all narcissists lies in their problematic relationship to anything or anyone one might conceive of as a “higher power.” And the most malignant narcissists among us refuse to recognize or subordinate themselves to anything or anyone bigger or more important than themselves.

I have more to say about this in the most recent Character Matters Youtube podcast. And I go into depth about these topics in all my books.