My Many Reasons to be Grateful

My professional career took a dramatic turn in the late 80s when I shifted my theoretical perspective and turned my therapeutic focus to the problem of character disturbance and its social impact.  And I must say that finding either resources or support in those early days was not easy, so I felt very much on my own in that venture.  But slowly, over time, things began to change.  Still, I knew I would be taking a big risk with my first book because to ensure it was of the substance I believed such a book should have, I had to forsake potential opportunities with some major companies and publish it independently, and I was also saying things in that book I knew some would find radical. Fortunately, the grass-roots response to In Sheep’s Clothing let me know fairly quickly I’d done the right thing.  So when it was time to publish Character Disturbance, I again chose a small, independent publisher who would both welcome and endorse a book of substance with a perspective that resonated, and once again, the grass roots response has been most edifying.

I have long known that I owe a deep debt of gratitude to the thousands of folks who have helped expose and promulgate both my work and my perspective throughout the world.  I realize I enjoy an unprecedented degree of positive word-of-mouth “advertising.”  In Sheep’s Clothing has been published in Russian, Japanese, Polish, German, Korean, Hungarian, and several other foreign languages. And the popularity of Character Disturbance and The Judas Syndrome continues to grow  – not because of flashy ad campaigns but because one person tells another about the resources they’ve found to help them change their life for the better.  The same thing is true for this blog, helping it to become one of the most visible and popular on the internet.  I’m grateful for such endorsement.  But by and large the readers of this blog do much more than endorse and help promote my work.  In their sharing, they provide an invaluable contribution to the weekly articles and my overall body ofwork, helping countless folks who visit the site (many of whom aren’t inclined to comment) improve their circumstances.  I am grateful to all the commentators whose mindful thoughts on the many subjects the articles discuss have helped make this resource what it has become.

This holiday weekend is a time for thanksgiving, and when I count my blessings, I find they are more numerous than I could ever deserve.  I have my life, my health, my work and passion, and my precious, precious family. And as if that weren’t enough, I have all of you. You, and the goodwill you spread about me and my work are the main reason for the success I have enjoyed.  I know that without any doubt, and I am truly grateful.

Character Matters will be a live broadcast this Sunday evening (7 pm Eastern, 6 pm Central), so I can take your phone calls.

19 thoughts on “My Many Reasons to be Grateful

  1. Dr. Simon

    I’m truly grateful to have come across your work. You have really opened our eyes to what it is we’re dealing with and the “rules of the game”. I had so many doubts and unanswered questions about the motivations behind aggressive personalities. The knowledge you have shared is a critical tool for so many of us to adequately deal with abusive situation. You have empowered so many people!

    Personally I’m taking many steps in learning to protect myself and my loved ones. Healing from the toxicity is journey in it of itself.

    Also something I’d like to share that’s been on my mind this week. For those stuck in a victim mentality, never forget your power to exercise free will. Many of the violations we experience (at least on a psychological level) happen because we allow them to. Many of us who grew up in abusive/manipulative situations are so used to suppressing our feelings and prioritizing those of others. Even when they are dumping all their baggage on us. If you don’t like how you’re being treated and you are feeling angry about it, you have already waited too long to react. Exercise your choice to walk away, hang up the phone, or whatever it takes to set your boundaries IMMEDIATELY. Without fear of offending anyone. Allowing bad behavior to go on for a split second past this is really a total betrayal to yourself!

    I’m grateful to be learning to be stronger and finding the confidence to assert myself without fear or inhibition.

    1. I like the way you expressed your sentiments. They spoke to me in just the way
      they were intended to. No, don’t consider myself a victim. But like many of us
      I can certainly be a victim of myself. Yes, was brought up to question myself
      first but hesitate when questioning the behavior of others. It’s a tough habit to break, but I’m determined to do so and my future happiness is dependent upon
      my success.

  2. Exactly same sentiments here.
    I am truly grateful to come across your work. And, God bless you and anyone who supported you in your decision to refocus your professional work and publish your insights.
    Your book answered the question “why”, and it was biggest insight into character disturbed people. And, having first hand experience with character disturbance & the mess it leaves in its wake, makes me more determined to strengthen my character and be a better person for rest of the life. I have few favourite books, and one among them is In Sheep’s Clothing. I would consider myself as fairly balanced person with tendencies toward neurotic side of spectrum. But, getting married to a character disturbed person made my life difficult if not outright miserable. After reading online blogs and occasional books to figure things out, I got In Sheeps Clothing. 200 pages, and 3 hours later, I had whole new perspective to my problems. I read the book few times over in next month. Later I also researched a bit and came to this web-site and counsellingresource. Here among blogs and comments, I found all the accompanying material to get better understanding. Spending time here has been therapeutic experience for me. Thanks Dr. Simon and comment contributors from all over the world. 🙂

    1. Dear Dr Simon and Kindred Spirits,

      I just want to say thank you for this wonderful site and all who have come here to share their stories. To reach out and touch another who is hurting and is looking for answers and validation.

      God Bless all of you.

      P.S. Hint’ hint’ It would be nice to see a book written of a compilation of your Topics from your blog Dr. Simon.

  3. Dr. Simon,

    Your message is loud and clear – Character Matters!

    Thank you ever so much and with my deepest respect and appreciation for all that you graciously share and give.

    Again, Thanx-A-Million!

  4. Dr. Simon,

    Your blog articles and forum has given me tools to deal with my manipulative CD STBXH. I now see the behavior pattern and understand it and can most times even predict it, and no longer try to make reason out of the nonsense he floods me with. My emotions are now stable and I have you to thank.

    Linda

  5. Dr Simon,

    Reminded by BTOV’s comment, didn’t you have some books under work? Another perspective on this character crisis and some other about mental health issues?

    And of course, I agree with BTOV. Such a great suggestion.

    1. I’ve been searching in vain on my control panel for BTOV’s original suggestion in this regard but I’ll be darned if I can find it!

      Anyway, I actually took a similar suggestion about a year back and with the help of a great editor and co-writer, have developed two new books doing exactly what BTOV suggests. The first book is already titled and we’re looking for the right publication vehicle. It should be available in the next 2 or 3 months. It’s titled “How Did We End Up Here?” and reflects the question folks just realizing what a toxic situation ask themselves as well as folks who’ve finally exited a toxic situation and are trying to reclaim and redirect their lives, and also the question many in our society are asking about what happened to us culturally to help create the mess we’re in and what needs to happen to turn things around.

      Hope you see this response, BTOV! I’m not sure why I can’t find your original comment on my dashboard but I did get an email alert about it and I much appreciate the suggestion.

      1. Dr. Simon,
        I posted that thought many moons ago, when I began reading all the topics and then took the time to read the amazing stories of individual posters. I am a reader and thought what an amazing book this would make. In fact I started to print off the Topics and posts and have a stack of 300 pages or so.

        I’ll see if I can find the original post if that even matters. What is so wonderful is that another great resource will be available.

        Just, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts Dr. Simon from all of us.
        God bless and keep you safe and through your work so many will come to the truth.

  6. Dr Simon, I am grateful that I finally stumbled on your work. I’ve been working on these issues all my life and a lot fell into place when I read about the distinction between character and personality.

    I am also grateful to myself for not giving up and to all the people who have helped me over the years. I am grateful for all the research that is advancing our understanding of human behaviour.

  7. I am grateful for having the opportunity to observe how gently but effectively, Dr.Simon handles difficult people on his blog. It encourages me to reflect and rein in my temper when I feel wronged, treated unfairly.

    I am a very good person when in a neutral or friendly environment and feeling physically well. But when I am relapsing and having to deal with an unfeeling, unthinking, unseeing person, I am not so good. I have every right to be angry but I want to, eventually, get to the point where nobody has the power to offend me.

    I feel all of life is like a game of overcoming or working within limits for the best possible outcome, character wise.I am thankful that I have come this far without cracking and am thankful that I am flexible enough to be able to change for the better, in the future. And I do credit Dr. Simon for setting a great example and for all of the wonderful articles and ideas he provides.

    And want to thank all the posters, past and present for providing all of their own well articulated thoughts sentiments and support.

  8. When I first read In Sheep’s Clothing I had to email Dr. Simon with the subject heading: “You saved my sanity”. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. As Dr. Simon has also pointed out, we can’t change the covert-aggressive personality. We need to put our energy on ourselves. I’ve not posted here too much lately because that is what I am trying to do in whatever spare time I have – focusing on myself – coming to terms with the inner wounds and working through them.

    I truly feel as though I’m a different person from who I was 1.5 years ago, before this site, your (everyone’s) help and insights, and the inner effort I’ve been devoting to myself.

    Thank you. Thank you all.

    1. Yes, yes, yes, – saved my sanity too!!. 1st read “The Sociopath Next-door” then a
      few years later, “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” both delightful and well thought out
      titles. But I read them each with only one specific person in mind. But I reflected on both – they resonated with me. And a few years later much to my
      initial horror, and later my profound gratitude that the information illuminated
      other relationships in my life as well.

      1. Jackie,

        If you are enjoying this topic, I would encourage you to read the series of topics on The 10 Commandments of Character. In fact, Dr Simon will be coming out with his fifth book titled: The 10 Commandments of Character.

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