Love Bombing
Love bombing is popular jargon for heaping on attention, praise, displays of kindness, etc. at the start of a relationship. Despite the label, this behavior has virtually nothing to do with genuine love. It’s a manuever – a tactic, designed to sway you, to seduce you. And while you might think it harsh to say so, that makes it fundamentally an aggressive (as opposed to assertive) act. Why? Let me explain.
Persons of integrity will naturally earn your favor. Over time, they’ll show you who they are in character. They might even hope that in recognizing who they are, you’ll like what you see. That’s what assertive wooing is all about. But folks who deliberately try to overwhelm you – melt any resistance you might have, are out to take, not to earn. They want to snatch (steal), through various wiles and guile, what they know a potential partner is unlikely to freely give, based on a fair appraisal of their character. That’s what makes so-called “love bombing” and act of covert-aggression (i.e. aggression under the guise of something else). And that’s a big red flag for big trouble ahead, no matter how charming a person your love-bomber might be.
Safety in Caution
Seduction is one of the main tactics covert-aggressors use to manipulate others. (For more information, see the tactics chapter in In Sheep’s Clothing and the article Manipulative Seduction Takes Many Forms.) And narcissists possessing certain skills can charm and seduce well enough to make you drop all your defenses and forego any deeper scrutiny of them. In our times, charm ought rightfully sound an alarm. But sadly, it most often does not. And that’s precisely how folks get into relationships that sometimes later prove toxic. By the time you know who your seducer really is, it’s usually after you’ve invested much and stand to lose even more if you leave. So, it really pays to exercise caution, giving folks time to prove themselves. And when red flags appear, it’s best to heed them, no matter how much time or heart you’ve already invested.
Suggested other reading….
This is such an important topic that I’ve written many articles over on it over the years:
Charm and the Potential for Harm 2026/02/19
Falling Under the Spell of a Charmer 2025/04/14
Ego Massage Artists Can Charm 2024/03/22
Charming Charismatic Narcissists Seduce 2024/02/15
How Character Disturbed Charmers Gaslight 2022/04/01
Sometimes Charm Should Sound An Alarm 2021/11/05
Amorous Narcissists Can Charm Convincingly 2020/08/17
Narcissistic Charm Can Easily Blindside 2020/01/13
How Charming Narcissists Fool You 2018/01/26
Vulgar Narcissists Offend While Charmers May Not 2018/01/12
Charming Narcissists Manipulate Well 2017/10/20
Charm Offensive or Offensive Charm? 2014/06/20
Manipulators and Charm 2014/06/13
Emotional Romeos Are Masters of Seduction 2022/06/15
The Emotional Romeo is a Thief of Hearts 2021/07/01
Heart Thieves Know What to Say and Do 2023/10/07
Falling Under and Getting Out from Under a Spell 2024/05/15
Just plug the titles or parts of the titles into the search window. And share the ones you feel are relevant with friends you think might need to read them.
I never used to think of it as aggressive, but it definitely is. As well as deceptive/dishonest.
So true, and just like Dr. Simon says you only find out after you’ve got more to lose. I can’t imagine living that way, but I also cannot imagine going back to the way I used to think, that everyone once they see I’m not a threat will stop being aggressive.
I’ve even had friends try to love bomb me as an adult only to find out what backstabbers they really are when you need them.
“that everyone once they see I’m not a threat will stop being aggressive”
This! I spent so long tip toeing around people trying to prove that I was not a threat. Thinking that must be the reason they’re so aggressive. Nope. They were just aggressive SOB’s.
Me too. It takes a while to know who people really are.
I’m made some acquaintances in the last 6 months that I really like. They are kind, respectful, supportive and keep their word. They have a different energy. I don’t know how to describe it, but it just feels different with them, calm, no agenda. It’s lovely!