Insincerity and the Games We Play

Insincerity and the Games We Play

Many people I’ve counseled over the years caused considerable pain to themselves or others because of their insincerity. Maybe they knew all along they didn’t truly love the person they were with. Perhaps they were still willing to “use” that person to fulfill some desire. Some loathed their job but couldn’t separate themselves from the money or the status of their position. Others wanted something from someone but fearing they wouldn’t get it by asking directly, conned or manipulated them. It goes on and on.

We play many “games” in life. And we play them with others as well as ourselves. These games get us things we want. But they come with a hefty price tag.

Insincerity Has Its Price

Insincerity gets in the way of healthy, intimate relationships. It also gets in the way of personal fulfillment. When you’re insincere, you don’t just fool someone else, you fool yourself. And while we humans are incredibly adept at such self-deception, it always carries a soul-crushing price. Insincere folks live a life not only of falsehood but of “quiet desperation.” They neither know themselves nor the true status of their relations with others. Insincerity is toxic to any relationship, whether it be with someone else or yourself. While the lie may never “out,” it will always do damage. It keeps us a prisoner. And as has been said many times before, it’s the unvarnished truth that truly sets us free.

Acting with a sincere heart and benign purpose helps others trust us. But it also helps us trust ourselves. And trust, is the bedrock of any healthy relationship.

Simple is Not Necessarily Easy

The “10th Commandment” I’ve been talking about is simple, but by no means easy to heed. It’s so much easier to be false at times. It often helps us get something we find attractive or avoid the painful. But there’s always a price to falsehood – to insincerity. So, to the best of your ability, be of humble and sincere heart and purpose. Be honest with yourself about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Let your intentions be noble and transparent. Harbor no hidden agendas. Sincerity is a prerequisite for integrity. And it’s the path to inner peace and happiness.


Character Matters will be live this Sunday evening at 7 pm Eastern (4 pm Pacific) time. I can take your phone calls at (718) 717-8296 or via Skype.

Check out my bestselling books as well as the many articles on this blog. And look for my new book on the Ten Commandments of Character soon.


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