Happy Thanksgiving
A sincere Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all. I hope this holiday season will find you in good health and enjoying harmonious relations.
I want to say a few words about gratitude and its role in character. But before I do, I want to share some things for which I am deeply grateful:
My professional life has always seemed more like a dream or miracle. I’ve gotten to do two things I once thought impossible. First, I’ve witnessed the lessons I’ve learned and shared help empower thousands of folks in troubled relationships. And second, I’ve witnessed hundreds of troubled characters face their flaws and work to become better persons. Who could ask for more? I know I couldn’t. Moreover, I shouldn’t. I simply have too much for which to be grateful.
But if all I’ve mentioned isn’t, enough, I would be remiss not to mention my writing. This blog and my four books have been the work of a lifetime. And no author enjoys the success I’ve enjoyed without incredible public support. From the beginning, there has been no hype or high-profile advertising, but mostly solid word of mouth. One person telling another, over many years. And the results have been more than edifying. So, from the bottom of my heart, “Thank you!” Your validation and promotion of my work has always inspired and sustained me. It’s impossible to say how much such support means to me.
Thanksgiving and Character
I’ve written before about gratitude and its role in character formation. (See: The Grateful Character Feels Obliged.) And recent research now matches my experience. Gratitude begets a sense of indebtedness. Moreover, folks who feel indebted sense an obligation to give back. That’s why Thanksgiving means more than a single holiday. Responsible people render it daily in their undertakings. But in this age of rampant narcissism and entitlement, cultivating gratitude is difficult. So, far too few give thanks with their actions. Rather, they take, use, exploit, and injure – all for their own gratification. And they do such things without compunction because they feel entitled. We have so much. And too many among us take it all for granted.
So, over these holidays I hope grateful hearts will reign. And I pray that even those of you who have suffered hurt will find some reason for thanksgiving.
Character Matters
Sunday, November 26, 2017 will feature a rebroadcast of an earlier program. I’m away visiting family, but will be back live next week.
Yesterday: My husband went out to the shed to straighten some things out and I saw my chance to leave with his sister and go to the thanksgiving dinner without my husband, I took his keys and fobs and my son and left with his sisterI got home at 1am and hes up I said we just needed peace at the dinner< and He said then I can enjoy all the peace in the world. He was tired of getting nothing in our marraige in return for what he had provided, He was tired of our abuse, He was tired of Everyone telling him he was to do without while everyone else had their ways, I said we could go to Dennys and get his thanksgiving meal if he wanted HE said no he had two hotdogs in the Microwave for his thanksgiving, since that was all i left in the larder he said that was what he had to be thankfull for because he certianmnly was not thankfukll for his life of servitude. He Picked up his son and put him to bed and said I could have my good times with my society snobs. Just please don't let his son become one. He said tell him his father is dead if I wanted, He was tired of us making him kiss our rears he was leavingand when i slaped him demanding to know what he wanted from me he said nothing now and he put me on my rear and walked out He Left the cars, The house. and said after seven years i could declare him dead.
I never could figure out what it would take to make him happy while keeping everyonere else the same. He called my friends those socity country club snobs. My son said mommy made daddy leave this morning, He said mommy and her friends hate daddy, he told me he wish mommy left and not daddy.Hes four now and seenmms to have his fathers memory, I don't know how to explain that I could not allow his father to be a disruption in the community and family.
Sounds like he walked out of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. Good for him.
+1
Andy,
I think people are slowly beginning to realize there are just as many woman CDN as there are male counterparts. Men are most likely to say nothing and woman have subtle and overly covert ways of disguising themselves. The CD woman gets away with their lies because they project their abominable behavior unto the man.
Many men draw inward and feel ashamed, it is an attack against their manhood. Not only have they been duped and abused they must face society who many times continues the process of denigration. Many look down at men who have been victimized and duped dumping further blame and shame on them, resulting in many men suffering in silence.
Unfortunately, the system sees men in light of being the victimizer. Also, all this keeps a lucrative means of livelyhood going for the entire system.
Fight on Andy, I admire your perseverance and character in all this.
(((Husg))))
Your four year old has been exposed to adult situations and conversations that a four year old should never have to hear. He’s already losing his innocence. Your child needs protected from whatever ugly situations are going on in your family.
Cally,
You haven’t given any background here. What kind of disruptions did he cause? Did he get drunk and make a spectacle of himself?
Lisa
She’s given plenty of background in previous posts some months ago. Put it this way, her husband left for a very good reason and I sincerely hope for his sake he stays gone.
Cheers n happy Thanksgiving.
LisaO,
Reread ad the post carefully, there are red flags all over the place.
CD individuals project unto others what they are. Calle slapped her husband in the face. Hm.. husband defended himself and left.
Btov,
Whatever it is, it sure is weird. I can’t make head or tail of what is going on there. It’s pretty incoherent!
LisaO,
Easy, from what is clearly written, it obvious Cally is the CD in the relationship. She turns everything upside down and all around and blames the husband. She uses, abuses, aggresses and then slims the victim husband by posting here her overt control and manipulations. If you would like me to dissect for you, I will. However, don’t let the confusion and word salad knock you off guard.
She left the home, taking the keys, running out the door, stranding her husband on Thanksgiving day. She hits him. Says she can’t figure out how to make him happy while making everyone else happy. She excludes him for whatever reason and he’s now left her, wanted no contact, saying that after seven years of now hearing from him she can declare him dead. He’s done with her. Sounds like he’s been abused.
Yes, it’s word salad, but that is what I glean.
It saddens me that the CD is on this site babbling while the husband, the abused (in my opinion) is out fending for himself.
Cally’s husband leaving doesn’t sadden me a bit… it actually brings a chuckle.
Having ability to make money for living is very very important… even for stay at home moms. It gives the kind of freedom that one can walk out with absolutely nothing and still come out better within no time.
Unfortunately for him, the law everywhere favours the women against men in a marital discord… rather I should say that law itself is neutral, but system, police, judiciary, social support unduly favours women. So, he probably will remain stuck in mess for some more time.
BTOV
I have been having a bit of an adventure. This includes braking up a fight in a Pub.
It is off topic, But please I need some advise
Joey
Joey,
OK, I was worried about you, you hadn’t posted for awhile.
That date I was suposed to have never happened. She never phoned, I have bumped into her her again. She Now says she did try and phone me but could not get through. Jugging actions and not intentions, I got the message very clear. . I have bumped into her she is now fawning and feigning over me like I am 5yrs old and have fallen off my bike. Hugs and kisses on the cheek. I have had phone calls from people offering me work 300 miles away, they got through.
If i see her again How do I say Go away politly.
I will only be posting from now on, as and when. I am as well as I can be. and happy as much as I will ever reach. This problem I have now occupies my mind and not my past.
I you could help I would be most greatful
Joey,
Keep it short and polite. Say hello if and only the situation the presents, otherwise, ignore her. If she gets pushy just be honest, tell her you think she is a nice person, however, you realize she is not for you and you are not for her and wish her well and then your famous ” Bye Bye” and don’t talk with her anymore. Hopefully, this will diffuse the woman.
Joey she has issues, at this stage in life to be wishy washy in any relationship is indicating on the surface immaturity, only the tip of the iceberg. Lying is a character deficient trait, childish hugging and kissing, she is manipulative and crossing boundaries. Decent adult people don’t act like her. How CD she is, I wouldn’t want to find out.
The more you distant yourself the more she may want to cling. On again off again is unhealthy. If you let her in life more crazy making will ensue. Its good she did this up front in the beginning before you developed a close relationship. These are red flags a waving and warning.
Been there, done that, no way. I just went through this with someone myself. I am glad they did this up front and I didn’t invest any of my emotional energy. We have been through a lot and have many wounds yet to heal that are under the surface. All the inner wounds must be healed in the subconscious too. We must dig deep and heal. When we do the deep inner work and rid ourselves of the old tapes we will draw healthy people to us and the unhealthy will stay away.
Joey, as we are within, so we are without. I am unaware of many of the the deep inner wounds that keep replaying unconsciously from my past. I thought I had healed them all, boy was I wrong, they lie within our subconscious and we need to find them, make peace with them and release them.
If you are already reacting to these feelings, it tells me subconscious tapes are running. They need to be purged and dealt with, what is good is that you are talking about this and dealing with it. Now onto the next step of recovery. When something happens like this and we are truly recovered encounters like this will be far and few, they will hold no sway over us anymore.
Keep checking back, I am sure the others will chime in whit further insight, especially Andy and Eudox. Eudox will have some very good advice for you on this too, listen to her.
Otherwise, glad to hear you are well, sorry to hear you won’t be posting as often, you and a lot of good incite to the blog. Keep going forward and do whats best for you.
Joey know you have a family that loves you and wants your happiness.
Many Blessings and much success Little Brother
((((Hugs))))
Joey glad to see you post it’s been a while.
What you’ve explained is worrying. As BTOV said that behavior is not normal. The behavior itself has red flags all over it.
This is very important to understand and you may not be fully across this information. Are you aware of the term “love bombing”? It’s important you do understand it. In brief it is the seduction phase of the CD and I can assure you THEY ALL DO IT.
I’ve had it happen to me and what is worse than it not being legitimate heart felt emotions they appear to be demonstrating it is the timing. CD have this unique ability to be able to sniff out wounded souls. Severely damaged and hurt people are feasts for CD.
The repetitive thoughts you mention Joey are also a symptom of chronic stress. Peptides are molecular chains of hormones and other chemicals that we produce in mass after having been exposed to narc abuse.
In particular adrenaline and cortisol are major stress hormones and they can surge through us constantly. If you are having repetitive thoughts this is a symptom of being over stressed. Major stresses can induce HPA Axis Dyregulation which is very serious and I’ve had it – it’s horrible. I am certain beyond anything else that we end up with (in some cases) suicide ideation and related thoughts are made from the excretion of HPA Axis hormones – this is in peak stress.
What I have found since stabilizing is I am particularly sensitive to this occuring in others and can’t go anywhere near them if they are surging HPA stress hormones. Because this condition is actually contagious. It’s otherwise known as limbic system hijacking.
This is PURE SPECULATION on my part now but I am starting to think along the lines of this condition being a constant partner of CD as in I think this is a state they are in A LOT. I think they are in HPA Axis Dysregulation a good deal of the time but as opposed to productive self soothing/self calming they abuse others as a way to find relief.
Further, they can detect it in others which is why I think they have an in built detection system that spots wounded souls and alerts them to easy pickings. I really think this is what we are looking at now folks. More work and research needs to be done here that’s for sure. They not only carriers of this condition they CAUSE it in others and this is how they bring us down to their level. This really needs further investigation.
One more thing I want to add to what I have just said is that I often refer to a state of feeling like I’ve “been slimed” I think that is EXACTLY what it is – their stress hormones are jumping ship onto us.
Joey – please make sure you google Love Bombing because it sounds like your little friend is acting in this way – fawning all over you etc. If she is CD she’s just sniffed you out and is attempting to seduce you. If she is, you are not being seen for who you are but as a source of narc supply. It’s just what they do. Many people who are wounded from narc abuse end up becoming narc magnets, drawing them in.
There is a tactic to guard against narc abuse called Gray Rock – it is whenever dealing with them you act like a gray rock, by showing NO EMOTIONS. ZIP. Be as boring and as flat and monotone as you can. It’s your emotions they are attracted to. Be polite, but be a total BORE. No smiling, no facial expressions nothing, and talk in a flat monotone voice. They will soon lose interest and set their sights on a more colorful bird.
Joey – I would really encourage you to listen to Richard Grannon (Spartan Life Coach) he is a fully accredited psychologist who has experiences narc abuse in spades, and he really knows his stuff. He’s located in the UK. He covers everything.
What BTOV said above about us carrying programs is also correct, it’s important in order to fully heal from our experiences to correct the false programs we have running in ourselves. I have signed up with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) and it is really doing wonders – I have been with the program for 2 months now and the difference is impressive. It was created by another woman who was also a season ticket holder in narc abuse. Please google NARP to Joey. I believe you would really benefit from that given your circumstances. What you don’t want to become is a narc magnet.
But please, in the meantime google and listen to some of Richard Grannon’s stuff he covers all bases and has a great sense of humor.
I’ve been shark bait for narcs before, the love bombing narc swept into my life, swept me off my feet and then ate me alive. I do not want to see that happen to you. You need to protect yourself and heal yourself so you can fully recover and life the life you were meant to live.
Bright blessing Joey
Huggzzzzzzz
BOTV
Does Cally speak in previous posts about vacations a lot?
Lucy,
I am glad you saw through Cally too. Eudox remembers Cally’s previously posting, perhaps Eudox can answer your question..
Cally’s post is enlightening as it presents a window into how distorted the CD really think. Whats pathetic is when the CD post on this blog and present as a victim. Truly this is how delusional they are in believing their own lies. I really feel for the husband and the son, the son knows the mother is the disturbed on.
Lucy,
Yes she did, lavish holidays that her husband was never allowed to go on. He was made to stay home and work. His father and his family are in on the abuse also – primary players. She would always side with his abusive father, deny her husband sex (as punishment etc) it was truly horrific abuse this man is suffering.
She’s entitled and totally self centered. If I recall correctly Lucy it was one of her posts where she made mention to her husband being abused by his own father and others where he was tied to a tree and whipped with an electrical cord – it was some horrific act like that anyway.
I had her pegged from the minute she started posting. I don’t know why they come here. I think they do it to actually brag about their abuses. We are dealing with highly malignant sick deranged people remember. They have brains like insects in fact I’d go so far as to say less then insects.
This is going to sound really contradictory but here goes. I used to love Praying Mantis as a kid. I found them fascinating. I still do and love the little buggers. Now here’s the contradiction Mantis also remind me of CD who I don’t love whatsoever. It’s the way they prey on others. They are very predatory in a mechanical methodical way – if that makes sense. Where PMs do it for food CD do it for pleasure. Go figure.
Yes Calle and that entire family are a bunch of predators and I sincerely hope her husband stays gone and seeks help because he is going to need a lot of it for him to recover himself if he even can.
Lucy,
Glad you saw through Cally. Eudox said she remembered her posting months back. Perhaps, she may remember.
Eudox,
Interesting once had a Praying Mantis for a pet too. Wholeheartedly agree, the CD display the same calculated, premeditated actions of the PM. The PM does it to survive whilst the CD does it for enjoyment and the thrill of the hunt and destruction of their human prey.
Joey,
I am so glad you asked us for advice. I hope Andy adds to this.
Eudox gave you sound advice and is accurate on the love bombing approach and all she explained. Also, I have watched many of Richard Granons (Spartan Life Coach) youtubes and don’t hesitate to recommend him. Grannon was a victim of narcissistic abuse and knows all the tricks. Grannon is an excellent mentor.
Joey, I consider myself a work in progress, we all keep growing mentally, emotionally and spiritually, if we so choose. Yes, we can get better. I would encourage you to keep posting, let us know how you are doing and please give your insightful input. You have no idea how much you have helped me in your posts and I am sure the others feel the same.
Joey, it won’t be the same without you. I am happy for you and am glad you are living and enjoying YOUR Life. People like you have made this the great blog it is full of warmth and caring. I am sure Dr. Simon will miss your comments too.
Be well Kindred Spirit we are all your brothers and sisters.
Hugs across the ocean from me to you.
Dear Dr. Simon,
Thank you for your commitment to shine the light on darkness and helping set captives free. You and a very small handful of other authors have helped me understand what was happening in my abusive marriage, giving me the ability to make a decision to leave, based on the truth and not be held in bondage with scripture twisting and the torture of my conscience. (By my husband AND the church community)
There are some areas I don’t think I will fully heal from, but God has sustained me through it all, and I’m still alive. If I can give support to someone else and say, “I believe you, and you’re not crazy” and point them to you and other resources that have helped shed light on “wolves in sheeps clothing”, then I can be grateful for my own experience.
PLEASE continue doing what your doing. There aren’t enough advocates who are brave enough to expose injustice and understand the ways abuse can be disguised. And there isn’t enough interest from people in general to learn about it.
THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!!
You’ve given me the courage to try to maintain good character when I was tempted to learn how to play games. Your work pointed right at my moral compass and said “Don’t forget this.”
Dr. Simon,
Looking forward to your next work on character, hope the words and ideas are flowing.
Ever thankful for the truth and depth of your work. It has made such an impact on so many looking for answers in dark times. Your erudition, generosity and candor are inspiring, such a contrast to the current drivel and insipid babble. You sir, are no Dr. Phil. Thank God!
Hope you and your loved ones are beyond blessed in this and every season. Be so good to you.
“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” A. Schweitzer
BTOV – to be sure, I can’t reply directly to your post but that’s in reference to Praying Mantis.
I’m having a hard time replying to anything at the moment, they’ve knocked my internet speeds down as I’ve exceeded bandwidth for this month. It’s frustrating as I can’t even access email and many other things I usually have access to. BLAH.
Yes I remember Calle alright, she’s unforgettable that one! I can’t believe these people. She is actually bragging about her abuse, that’s how I see it and if you are reading this Calle then I suggest you go to a good shrink and get yourself tested and scanned for psychopathic brain damage – it appears you have no shortage of money in this regard.
It appears that she “A” wishes to see me now BUT!
I must accept resposibility for her CHOICE. That how it appears to me.
No means NO do’snt it.
“I was told DO’NT be HARD ON HER ”
F’#%ing WHAT. I did not say this but this is what I felt
(She tryed to phone but could not get through.)
It has upset me greatly that someone would think that of me
Thanks to all
Joey
Joey,
Go with your gut, your body has felt this twisted game playing rejection before and it is screaming to be heard, go with it.
Joey said: “F’#%ing WHAT. I did not say this but this is what I felt Good you are in touch with yourself, now your conscious brain has to follow through.
Just be matter of fact, say little, be short and sweet and go Gray Rock. Give her nothing, you owe her nothing. All you need is a toxic person in your place of peace that you have created for yourself. Be wise in this and go from past experience and your gut. Don’t lose what you have gained. Stay far away from these kind.
Be well my friend
Joey,
Many times you’ll find that a person, who once will reject will chase you down after you show no interest, wanting what they can’t have, only cause they can’t have it.
I don’t know that to be your case, but I know that it does happen with both women and men alike.
Did you ask her what number she has for you? If she’s lying to you, that would be the end of it, who wants a relationship based on lies? But if she did try to get in touch, that’s another story.
See what I did there? Give the benefit of the doubt, because I still have that trusting nature, even when in my face a person isn’t deserving of it.
I’ve learned a person needs to EARN the trust, not just carte blanche trust someone. She does need to EARN trust now, and prove she called a wrong number to go any further.
I shouldn’t be giving anyone advice. I’m still screwed up from the SB.
But you say you want her to leave you alone. You may have to tell her you’re just not interested in hanging out with her at this point.
Joey, I am new to this site but have enjoyed your inputs. I hope you keep posting. I thought I had recovered but I have another glitch in my makeup, which is my temperament. I am a melancholic and I see things in certain ways, as in I tend to have a pessimistic outlook and a low opinion of myself. CD’s can probably detect me pretty quickly. Its good you have your antennae up. I started to see someone last year and found he was not truthful about a very important subject, he tried to convince me but I knew better. Better to know sooner than later.
My coworkers is now going through a divorce. Her husband studied psychology and is using all the manipulative tactics in the book on her, and she knows it. I see so much of what I’ve been through that she is now going through. I do hope she gets through this mess timely. Looking at her is like me looking in the mirror.
BTOV
I di’nt contact my the father, in the end. As Dr Simon phases it,
“They care only about what you might bring to them”
The last thing he said to me was “YOUR COLLEGE IS’NT IMPORTANT,DO’NT COME BACK”
And I Did’nt, That was 24 yrs ago. As I have I told you, I have not seen him since.
WHY THE Fcuk should I.
He cares only about him self.
Joey
Joey,
This is a tough one. I know you have mentioned this before and now you are talking about this again. This is what I was talking about in resolving unhealed wounds within ourselves. The conscious and unconscious mind is always playing tapes. If we haven’t made peace with these wounds they come back to haunt us in many forms.
If I may, please look deep inside, be honest, what do you really want, what do you wish your relationship could be like or should have been? Many times these are scenarios that play on in our minds without resolution. These are questions we need to ask ourselves and at the same time be completely honest about what our true feelings are, even if we face rejection. Its not an easy thing to do and accept, however, in doing so in the right way you can set yourself free.
Joey, we all want to be loved, especially, by our parents. Its not easy to live with rejection. There are many reasons for rejection and facets of rejection.
Please think about this and when you know, please share, then I will comment further.
I think this is a healthy place for you to start in the true healing process and to finally make peace. We need to recognize these old tapes, understand these tapes are not the truth, reject them and throw them out, otherwise they will continue to surface and play. Joey, many of us have taken this path, a very painful path of introspection, a journey that can truly set one free.
If I may ask what did you decide to do about the woman?
Hugs Kindred Spirit
Joey
I’m sorry. What a cruel man the father is. Some people are unfit to be parents.
I don’t know if I’d go back. That’s a tough one. If he has not reached out I’m afraid he’s an empty hearted man not worthy of your presence
Lucy
you phrased it perfectly
Thank you
Joey, that’s horrible. I am sorry you had to deal with a “Dad” like that. My son got ripped off time and again by his Dad and all his Dad said about it when he saw him was “sorry dude”. For some reason he wanted to put his trust back in his Dad when he saw him after his “Dad” moved back into the area and he always payed the price. Kept getting hurt over and over. You were smart to leave.
Kat
That is the price WE ALL PAY FOR HAVING A CONSCIENCE.
Joey,
I’ve often written posts about how to cope with the CDs in my life and I remember talking about a person who ignores me when I see her, I insisted on saying hello because that’s who I am. I’m paraphrasing here but you said if you want to be treated like that then go ahead say hello but you advised me to ignore her right back. I do now and it feels right.
“Don’t look back because that’s not the direction we are going.”
It’s hard to get your mind off the hamster wheel with these people who will never think like us, I hope you can find some kind of peace too.
Sydney,
Good for you Sydney. It feels right. That’s what matters.
SYdNeY
I do now and it feels right.
AND THAT IS POWER. We all have this, we just need to change the way “WE THINK”
Just to say,
I will never be at peace, They took to much. BUT my back is broad, I can live with it. That is all we can do. Gratitude for what we have NOW ,being MINDFUL of that.
I am doing so well, in my life. I have never Done this well, all the time I was in contact with them.
SYdNeY we are strong all of us here, It just Boils down to changing the thing we have FULL CONTROL OF ;
“OURSELVES”
Regards
Joey
Joey
Bravo!
Joey, agree with them taking so much that it forever changes a person. Just like being in a war, the effects become a part of us. But love what you said about gratitude, that is what I am working on. Glad to hear things are moving in a positive direction. We all will be working on ourselves until we die if we want to grow as a person. I have learned to face myself head on and deal with it. I truly want to be a peace with myself and accept myself flaws and all, I think gratitude is so important.
Joey,
It is all about how we Think. In our thinking we can overcome and be at peace or we can continue to lack the peace we so desire by the way we think. Joey, I am so proud of you, how far you have come since you first posted. Our journey’s are far from over, I know you can overcome.
Hugs Little Brother
LisaO,
You have been rather quiet and miss your posts. I hope this fellow is all you are looking for.
Hugs and many blessings.
I am thankful for finally being able to know what my husband truly is. I am working on living an authentic life. I am even grateful for feeling the pain…I have a depth of emotion that is so lacking in these characters. I am thankful for the ability to grow and change from my experiences. Bring it on…the good…the bad….its all a part of life.
Beautiful
Patti
That’s the right attitude to take. Be grateful for our experiences as painful as they are. Narcs are just harbingers of misery showing us what we have inside us that is unhealed.
They are an added boon in so much as they provide us with enough horror to really shake us into action and to inspire us to evolve. If we deal with it correctly and truly heal we will be free of them forever and we will live happy, authentic lives after. We just have to move with it and not against it. There is little point to blame and anger. I have finally moved past that and transmuted it.
Our pain is showing us what needs healing. They are also showing us what good and decent people are. Because that’s us and to be one of them would truly be a curse. They can’t evolve or grow, they don’t have the ability.
They are a mechanism for us to grow by showing us the dark side of life.
Spread wings and fly………………………………
I totally agree. I have come to realize that my husband came into my life so that I can transform myself. He will never change. Thats not for me to fix. I am working on me. Having said this of course it isnt always easy. But I am gentle with myself.
To ALL
Be happy while you’re living, For you’re a long time dead. (Scottish Proverb)
Just try, all we can do in the end is try
regards
joey
Joey,
We can completely heal, it just takes application and dedication. For the first time in a long time I am feeling whole and happy. I am now feeling full of inspiration and hope and that’s thanks to NARP.
Bright blessings to you Joey
I can’t say I am happy for being married to a sociopath for 14 years and having two children with him who he never truly cared about. And I’m ok with that. I already knew I had things to work on, I didn’t need his stuff to complicate things. Just keeping it real, but it happened, and theres no choice but to deal with it. It is his stuff but its affected my kids and that’s where its hard.
I awoke this morning with the sun filtering through the curtains. It’s been raining on again off again for weeks. I’ve borrowed a friend’s brushcutter, mine is in being repaired. We had a fairly mild spring and now summer is here and the rain and the heat appears to be bringing the sky closer to Earth, but really it’s just the grass growing. I’ve now dealt with that between the showers and rain in periods of sun. Thank you nature for allowing the grass to dry long enough so I could cut it.
My house is filling up with flowers, these are gifts from friends who have joined me for lunches and dinners and general get togethers this past week. I’m not accustomed to people bringing me flowers. They are enough on their own. I truly appreciate the flowers as they are not only beautiful but they reflect joy and life itself much like the bringers of the flowers.
We sit on the deck and sip wine looking out at the broad expanse of Rock Valley. I am high on a ridge it feels like it’s an eagle’s nest. I occasionally watch two magnificent Wedge Tail eagles souring high on the thermals, sometimes I feel like I could reach out and touch them.
The person I was when I first came here is not the same person I am today – that was 13 months ago. I feel lighter, more hopeful and full of love and compassion. I am no longer attracting problematic people into my life. Nor am I attracting those who are not concerned with their own conscious evolution but who choose neurosis as their way of life.
Those days are gone it seems, but my inner being knows they are gone forever. She no longer needs to call in the narc cavalry for her pain to be recognised. It has not only been recognised but is being acknowledged and healed. None of them ever brought me flowers just trouble. I’ve entertained nothing but trouble all my life it seems. That is now in the past and the present is showing me this.
The garden is also brimming with flowers. It was totally re-planted due to a crazy incident with a maniac and an excavator. The top garden is full of shrubs and flowers – Agapanthas, Day Lilly and a rich assortment of others. Between them are herbs; mint, parsley, sage, oregano, thyme, rosemary, basil and shallots. The rocks are splattered with Sundew. The bottom garden is full of tomatoes, capsicum, cucumber, lettuce and chilli. The peaches got eaten by the birds, but they have to eat too. Mangoes will be ready hopefully by Christmas and Pomegranate, Starfruit and citrus will come on in autumn.
It’s Sunday and a cool breeze blows gently through the Jacaranda tree just out the front. The week-end since Friday has been a non stop fandango of friends, love and laughter. I find myself speaking endearingly to others. I was never the soft, fluffy, doting type – gushy and overly emotional. When I speak to somebody now it’s from the heart. I am finding myself using endearments such honey, sweetheart and beautiful. It is met with radiant smiles full of love and appreciation but what’s even better – it is said with love and appreciation.
Here on our little blue planet full of turmoil and chaos we can find our meaning and purpose in life. If we choose it. Some of us are blessed to have our hearts cracked open in the raging fires of the crucible by callous cruelty met out by those whose hearts had turned to stone early in life. The survivors of the crucible who live to tell the tale will tell different tales of woe. “Some people allow themselves to be broken by life while others allow life to break them open” – Matt Khan.
The real purpose of narc relationships is to show us that which is within us that is unhealed. They are like a mirror reflecting back to us our own CRAP. CRAP = Fear of Critisism, Rejection, Abandonment and Persecution. Once we acknowledge our own CRAP we are going to stop attracting abusers into our life. Nature works holistically.
It’s simple “as within, so without”. What we hold onto we bring toward us via our experiences. If we are holding onto CRAP, grief and pain guess what? We’ll just attract more until we allow life to crack us open enough for us to see our own pain and just what we are holding onto and we make a conscious choice to heal.
It isn’t about the narcissist, at the end of the day it’s about us. The narcissist was merely a messenger, a mirror to show us what we are holding onto. If we grasp this concept we will heal ourselves and much more.
Even though you may be experiencing the belly of the beast right now there is hope and I can promise you this. If you really do the work necessary to acknowledge and recognise your own CRAP you too will be brimming with happiness, confidence, love and pure joy soon enough. Remember it is always darkest before the dawn.
It is with my utmost hope that my fellow Season Ticket Holders will too awake one morning with the sun filtering through the curtains and you can look out your window and feel real love and joy once again and actually feel grateful for your life and all of your experiences; the good, the bad and the ugly. You may even come to realise that those demons, without one shred of mercy who relentlessly taunted you, were actually blessings in disguise.
Don’t let life break you, allow yourself to be broken open by life – then you will open your heart chakra . Just remember the narcissist doesn’t matter he/she is not even relevant, give them no more power to torment you further – it was just a ride. Push them out of your reality. There is only one thing that matters at the end of the day and that is you. YOU matter.
Bright blessings to you all.
Much Love
Eudoxia