Feeling Thankful

Being Thankful is Important

Our grandparents had it exactly right. We do well to count our blessings. Recent science backs this notion up pretty strongly, too. Being thankful is truly is good for you. And folks who recognize and show proper regard for all they’ve been given develop healthier, stronger character. Grateful hearts feel indebted. And those who feel obliged fulfill their rightful duties. Thankfulness begets responsibility. It’s the antidote to our age of entitlement.

I’ve written before that gratitude is a matter of attitude (see: Gratitude: A Matter of Attitude). And gratefulness is not just something you feel. Feeling thankful matters, of course. But it behooves us to express our appreciation. That’s where the benefits of being thankful really lie (for more on this see: The Grateful Character Feels Obliged). I know very well that I have a lot to be grateful for. So, as is customary on this special weekend, I want to offer some special thanks.

A Blessed Career

My blessings are far too many to fairly count. But I know I’m thankful for my work. I’ve enjoyed a most blessed career. I’ve worked with thousands of person’s struggling to understand and deal with various disturbed characters in their lives. And it’s been most rewarding to equip these folks with both the understanding and tools they needed to empower themselves. I’ve also worked with thousands of disturbed characters. And to have witnessed many of these individuals become better people has been the blessing of a lifetime.

It’s been over 21 years since I wrote my first book In Sheep’s Clothing. And I’m thankful for the tremendous word of mouth from manipulative relationship survivors that has kept it a bestseller for so many years. I’m also grateful for the response to my other books. In a short time, Character Disturbance has become the go-to book for understanding narcissists, antisocials, psychopaths, and the many other disturbed and disordered characters among us. It’s also become a guide to what to look for when seeking help. I’m grateful to Dr. Kathy Armistead. As editor of my book The Judas Syndrome, she helped me reach new audiences about the power of genuine faith to transform and elevate one’s character. And as co-author of How Did We End Up Here?, she helped me fashion what is fast becoming every relationship partner’s guide to surviving and thriving in our character-disordered world.

A Loyal Following

I’m deeply grateful to the readers of this blog.  It has become one of the premier resources for folks in troubled relationships. Understanding the times we live in, the character problems that have stemmed from them, and how to deal with those problems in your daily life is what my life and work has been all about. And I’m thankful for the many mental health professionals from all disciplines who have been so receptive as I travel the country doing workshops. Their embrace of my work and recommendation of my books to their clients has been both humbling and heartwarming.

Most of all, I’m grateful for my family, because my love for and commitment to them has provided me the impetus to constantly strive to be better and do better. Our most intimate relationships are our most important teachers. And when they’re toxic they can unfortunately inflict deep wounds and leave deep scars. But when they’re truly loving they promote great character growth. And I know that whatever decency of character I’ve managed to forge I owe to my family.

Going Forward

My sincerest hope going forward is that I soon finish what may well be my last book. For years, I’ve wanted to write about the life lessons we all need to master to be people of good character. And because of my co-author Kathy Armistead’s help, that day is fast approaching. I’ve been previewing the book in the weekly articles over the past few months. And when the book is finally released, The 10 Commandments of Character will be just one more gesture of my gratitude – my way of giving back by sharing the many valuable lessons I’ve learned. And if just one human soul finds within the book the tools to become a healthier and more responsible person, I will consider it both another blessing and a genuine success. I’ll get back to previewing the book next week.

This is the time of year we traditionally give thanks. So to all of you who have given so much to me and have sustained me for so long in my work, I offer my heartfelt appreciation.

Character Matters will be live this Sunday, November 27, 2016 at 7 pm Eastern Time (6 pm Central), so I can take your calls. And next week I’ll be in the Baltimore, MD area for 3 more workshops.

13 thoughts on “Feeling Thankful

  1. Isaac Watts

    The gospel feast.

    [How rich are thy provisions, Lord!
    Thy table furnished from above!
    The fruits of life o’erspread the board,
    The cup o’erflows with heav’nly love.

    Thine ancient family, the Jews,
    Were first invited to the feast:
    We humbly take what they refuse,
    And Gentiles thy salvation taste.

    We are the poor, the blind, the lame,
    And help was far, and death was nigh;
    But at the gospel-call we came,
    And every want received supply.

    From the highway that leads to hell,
    From paths of darkness and despair,
    Lord, we are come with thee to dwell,
    Glad to enjoy thy presence here.]

    [What shall we pay th’ eternal Son,
    That left the heav’n of his abode,
    And to this wretched earth came down,
    To bring us wand’rers back to God?

    It cost him death to save our lives;
    To buy our souls it cost his own;
    And all the unknown joys he gives
    Were bought with agonies unknown.

    Our everlasting love is due

    1. Dear Dr. Simon,
      I would like to express my heartfelt Thank You, to you and your family for all your years of dedication, the time it took away from your family life.

      Treating patients, to have composed these writings, books, You tubes, and this blog. Surely, this concerted effort by all was a blessing, a gift to touch so many hearts and souls and to this I Praise and give Thanks to God.

      Your writings have opened so many windows and doors for those who could not see, a slow glimmer of light and than a ray of sun shown through and cast the lies of darkness one at a time into the sunshine.. Never to be anymore.

      For those who could not hear, a voice of truth slowly invading the silence, knocking down walls of fear, to shout out NO MORE.

      For those who had no words to express the crazy making, now found a strong credible voice to speak from. They found the answers with which to fight and take back their lives.

      Where there were lies you showed us truth, Where there was no hope you showed us the Commandments in which to take back our lives and by displaying character and courage.

      To you and your family I am humbly grateful for your showing us the way.

      To all the Kindred Spirits who have passed this way, Blessings.

      May God bless you and keep you
      May his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you
      and give you peace.

  2. Thank you, Dr. simon for emphasizing the importance of character and providing a road map out of character disturbance.

    You have made a HUGE difference in my life. I find myself stopping, once in a while, when dealing with those close to me, and running everything you have written about the specifics of what I am dealing with, at that moment, and applying it to the situation, at hand.

    In my case, luckily, I am not dealing with disturbed characters, just flawed ones, like myself, so it is a complicated but fulfilling exercise.

    You are wonderful.

    1. Joey, LisaO,

      Dr. Simon in this last book so you say, is really a guide for us to take back our lives. Not to be the victim anymore and has supplied us with the armament to protect ourselves against the CD. Never has there been a book written in such simplicity and common sense guidance on how to stand up and fight against these kind and take back our world.

      (((((Hugs to you Joey and LisaO))))) All so wonderfully said.

  3. Gratitude doesn’t even begin to express it Dr Simon. A heartfelt thank you to you and all the commenters here. If it was not for this place I doubt and highly doubt I would be where I am today in such a short time period. Within a matter of weeks I have been able to release a lot of held onto pain and discussed openly for the first time some of the most painful experiences in my life.

    Before finding your blog I found it very difficult to share my experience with anybody. It is impossible for anybody who is unfamiliar with CDs and the depth of depravity they go to to totally and willfully and in some cases gleefully utterly reduce their victims to smouldering wrecks of the person they once where. People who have not been exposed to CDs strategies and tactics will never be able to comprehend that is not the victim who causes it. It is not uncommon to hear the words “well you must have done something to make him/her do that or say that” erm no. Nor do they understand the CDs anger when denied supply and the hostility, aggression and pure malice reigned down upon those who do not willfully submit to the CDs requests or manipulations tactics. You often run a great risk of further emotional wounding inflicted by close friends and family who have no idea at all of what these people are capable of. When we have been kicked to the curb again and again and again and are lying there bleeding the last think we need to hear is it’s all YOUR FAULT. Because as everybody here knows when in a relationship with a CD it’s always OUR FAULT. I know I’ve said this before but I can’t reiterate it enough.

    You have done a great service to humanity Dr Simon and the commenters here are living proof there is hope and that the light at the end of the tunnel is not necessarily an oncoming train. This site has been the silver bullet for me. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted just in being able to freely express myself without fear of judgement and this is so important. Thanks to you and the many amazing people here I have been able to pick myself up out of the gutter, brush myself off and move forward with clarity and purpose.

    My everlasting and sincerest gratitude to all of you.

    May many blessings reign down on each and every one of you.

    Muchos Gracia


    1. Eudoxia,
      Beautifully said, for all those that are still in bondage and have to hide their true feeling of being enslaved by a CD and has no way out. One on the outside can never truly grasp or understand the enormity a CD behavior can have on the imprisomed victim.

      Thank you Eudoxia

    2. Eudoxia, Silver bullet against character disturbed people. Other option is to let the light of truth shine on CDs. 🙂

  4. Here’s to all you beautiful souls out there. I hope it’s as healing for you as it is for me.

    An yes Andy let’s shine the light of truth on all of the CDs we ever stumble across and BTOV you rock too!

    There is nothing stronger than true gentleness and nothing gentler than true strength.


  5. eudox,
    great post
    I will listent to alanis later
    I want to listen and follow the lyrics.
    I hope you are well, it sounds like you are making some progress,
    Days, may come to a halt, 1 forward, 2 backward at least we have found the road.
    I do feel your pain and am glad you are posting,
    Keep strong and keep learning.
    By all means when that urge to regurgitate comes purge yourself.
    We learn from each other, thank you for sharing.
    Take care and I hope you have a wonderful and peaceful day.

    1. BTOV – I am definitely going to have another peaceful day – may you have the same. The lyrics don’t really apply to CD’s but they might as well and I’ll explain why. I have never been to India but it’s so disturbing it actually has the power to Wake people up. I’ve had various people report to me they had amazing spiritual experiences in India due to the abject horror of poverty and poverty related circumstances and suffering of others. India is a good place for high end empaths to avoid. I believe Alanis found herself her essence while in India. Hence the song. But having prolonged exposure to CDs can have the same affect – eventually.

      She sings in one of the lyrics how good it finally feels to forgive you. I relate that to this because through our ordeal of being abused and surviving, we learn that through release we can forgive those who have trespassed against us. This is in my experience anyway. In saying that we don’t have to love them again or treat them with kindness even, forgiveness comes only via acceptance. By accepting that is what they are – as evil as they it is what they are. We can view it differently rather then take it personally. We both forgive ourselves and them at the same time. Forgiveness allows the release of the covert power they have to hurt us. We are free. And the Truth is what set us free.

      Yes Andy – they don’t like truth do they. They have the same relationship to truth as a vampire has to sunlight.

      Here is another boon and ironic. I live with an old guy who has Aspergers and is emotionally stunted and has many CD traits (he’s not CD) but he learned covert manipulation from his father. I’m seeing through them with lightning speed now and am honing my skills nicely. There are more good things about him than bad though, he’s kind and good to the animals, he stays out of my way most of the time, he’s good in the garden – I do the cooking he does the dishes. I can have the ocassional intelligent conversation with him aside him going off on tangents and lacking in emotional maturity. I see it as a gift and while I originally saw it as a curse I now see it as a blessing. So thank you old friend as well.

      Amen to truth!

  6. Dr. Simon and Posters,

    I want to again thank you for the blog you’ve created which has given me the pathway to healing from the wounds of being married to, and now divorcing, a CDN.

    Each of your topics addressing the essentials to good character are helping me strive to become a better and healthier person.

    What especially rang true was your comments regarding the essential foundation for a health character is gratitude. It makes sense to me now seeing how I raised my children, flooding them with material possessions, most probably because I worked full time and felt guilty, so I would regularly bring them “gifts” home.

    Your chapter on living with an eye toward the better good rings true in your blog with the many posters trying our best to help guide the troubled ones who are going through very rough times dealing with their particular CD. This site has helped me “vomit” so-to-speak, my troubles, which at times were enormous dealing with the CDN husband I’m trying to divorce, while he repeatedly abuses me as much as he can through court pleadings and actions throughout the divorce process. This site gave me the release, as Eudox speaks of, to let it out. Thank goodness I was given advice on how to handle some situations, particularly the importance of No Contact. I was so lost at the beginning, distraught, stressed to the max, and breaking.

    So what I’m saying is the posters comments, working towards the greater good, helping each other is putting to use one of your commandments. I am ever so grateful to those who read and posted in an effort to get me through the agony.
    I love the fact that we all have different perspectives, but have a joint goal in mind, to help each other.
    I Thank You All.

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