Falling Under and Getting Out from Under a Spell

Falling Under a Spell

Some think falling under a spell is the stuff of fantasy novels and fairy tales. But it’s actually a genuine psychological phenomenon. It often includes elements of both gaslighting and hypnosis. And it can happen actively or passively. Active spell casting is when someone skilled in the arts of reading others well sets out to seduce. Passive spell casting happens when you unwittingly allow yourself to come under the influence of someone who seems to satisfy needs and desires in you that don’t even realize exist. The person might not even intend to sway you.  But you fall under their spell nevertheless.

Falling under a spell, (i.e. unduly succumbing to another’s influence), is potentially dangerous, no matter how it happens. That’s partly because you become involved without full awareness of what’s happening and why. It’s also because you might well be drawn to someone the nature of whose character is not yet apparent. Going into any relationship,  even partially blind, always carries risk.

Persons of significantly impaired character inevitably use and abuse. It’s their nature. But sometimes you don’t know who a person really is until it’s too late. That’s why it’s crucial that you be aware of what’s happening and why right from the outset of a relationship.

Manipulative Spell Casters

Seduction is both an art and a skill. It’s also one of the principal manipulation tactics I cite in In Sheep’s Clothing. It’s not always a big problem. But it always poses a degree of risk. And it’s a significant problem if your seducer is of disturbed or disordered character.

Folks on the receiving end of a seducer’s manuever’s aren’t necessarily wary or offended. In fact, they can be pleasantly receptive – truly charmed. It can feel really good to have someone do and say endearing things or “massage” your ego. (See also: Ego Massage Artists Can Charm.) But you will be set up for eventual heartbreak if your seducer is character-impaired. That’s why it pays to do your character vetting homework early on.

Effective spell casters often possess charm and charisma, qualities that can be possessed at various levels of intensity and sophistication. And what they can induce in the vulnerable is much like a hypnotic trance. You become captivated. They grab your attention. Sometimes, there’s little to no harm in this. But when the charmer is a covert and/or flawed character, danger inevitably lurks. Unfortunately, you might not appreciate the nature and extent of the danger until after victimization.

Avoiding Trouble

We live in times where sound character vetting is absolutely essential, and right from the beginning of a relationship. Forget this step and you might find yourself coming under the spell of someone who lacks the qualities to truly merit your heart. You’ll always know if you’re involved with someone who deserves your heart. The only question is whether you  know it in time – before the person breaks your heart.

There are heart thieves out there, and I’ve written about them before. They sense your wants, needs, and vulnerabilities. Moreover, they know just what to say and do to win you over. And it can take a long time to appreciate whether they truly deserve your favor. It behooves you to remember that a heart thief is still, at the core, a thief. And thieves want possess valuable commodites without paying the legitimate price for it. Nothing is more precious than the human heart. So, when you find your heart succumbing to someone’s charm or influence, give pause, stay alert, and take care to properly vet their history and character. Otherwise, you might just fall under their spell.

Remember, we all tend to do things under a trance that we wouldn’t otherwise do.

(See also the section on knowing your worth in Essentials for the Journey.)

The latest edition of Character Matters also addresses this topic.

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