Egos Out of Control Always Destroy

Out of Control Egos

Egos out of control inevitably destroy. They destroy prospects for healthy relationships. And they destroy prospects for healthy community life.

Our egos are inherently a paradox. We need them to navigate a world that is often unloving and hostile. We also need them to properly manage and mediate the often conflicting desires, urges, and baser instincts that rage within us. But all this comes at a price: the price of separation, both from our core self and from the hearts of each other.

Whether we’re aware of it or not, when we operate egoically, we tend to want to distinguish ourselves (i.e. establish a separate, distinctive identity) and to justify ourselves (i.e. to be “right” or feel validated). All this is both normal and adaptive, unless our ego becomes inflated. An ego inflated is an ego out of an essential, healthy balance. (See, also: Sound Character Requires a Balanced Ego.)

Egos out of control are egos too full of themselves. It’s one thing to have a strong ego. Folks lacking a strong sense of self and self-worth have significant problems of their own. But it’s quite another thing to possess an ego that’s overly pumped up and enamored of itself. That kind of ego can become troublingly grandiose. And when such grandiosity is present it doesn’t necessarily represent a  compensation for underlying insecurity. Some folks are truly “legends in their own minds!” And these folks tend to wantonly violate the most important rules, limits, and boundaries. (See also: Grandiosity and the Heart of Narcissism.)

Mounds of Damage and Destruction

We live in times marked by widespread character dysfunction. And there’s no way to understate the damage this has wreaked on all our lives. Too many relationships these days are troubled, become toxic, or fail. And a healthy social order eludes us, too. Divisions are ever-mounting. Tensions increasingly brew. In fact, the world – at least the larger part of it – is at war, and has been for some time. And the major culprit? Leaders and holders of power with egos out of control.

Leaders enamored of their status and power, feeling entitled, and seeking personal glory over human welfare are trouble for all of us. But what we see happening at a macrocosmic level is exactly what’s been happening for decades at the microcosmic level. As a result, egoism and entitlement are ruling the day, even within the seats of power. Make no mistake, egos out of control inevitably bring destruction, whether it be to a relationship or society.

Making the World Safe for Psychopathy

Sadly, ironically, it seems we’ve been making the world “safe” for psychopathy to flourish once again. In caveman times, the Stone Age, etc., the fearless, heartless dominators among us actually helped us survive. But with the advance of civilization, such folks became less useful, more problematic, and, generally, less welcome. That is, of course, until character disturbance and dysfunction incrementally became the norm. Now, the heartless egomaniacs among us have found not only a home but also a willing support structure. And this unfortunate reality simply cannot and must not stand. The present path is unsustainable because the stakes are too high. And the tragedy about which I have been speaking is, in a nutshell, the reason for my work.

Character Disturbance


5 thoughts on “Egos Out of Control Always Destroy

  1. Making the World Safe for Psychopathy

    And the scary thing is that. One of them might Push THAT BUTTON THAT MIGHT START WORLD WAR 3.

    Keep the faith


    1. Hi Joey, my dear Joey,

      You are sure right on this one!!!!

      I follow the blog but rarely post anymore. From my beginnings of getting to know you over land and oceans, you with several others have pulled me through hard times sharing your heart and trusting enough to bare ones soul for the benefit of others, dear one, it takes courage and guts which most don’t have, but that Dear One you have.

      Just know when times were hard for me you lifted my spirits and knowing a fellow brother could go so through so much as you have and thrive, just know you now lift me up. Thank you, I have never forgotten you.

      Stay on course with Doc, he is a diamond in the rough and will never be recognized for the life he has given to so many others.

      I am going to look for your posts, you have grown more than your humble self will realize. You Lift me UP.

      Gods Blessings to All and especially “My Joey”

      Alway, your Sis

  2. Dear Dr. Simon,

    I know it’s the prevailing theory that psychopathy was useful and necessary at one time and some theorize that it is still useful within certain professions.

    That is a theory (not your own, of course) that I struggle with accepting knowing what I know about psychopathy. They are inherently selfish, exploitative and often predatory toward others of the same species and within their own social group. I cannot imagine a time when that was ever useful. The damage they cause within a social group as well as not respecting outside social group’s territory and boundaries would seem to make psychopathy a liability even in the Stone Age.

    Sometimes I wonder if all early man was what we refer to as psychopaths. Men, women and children feral, prone to violence and without conscious. I also wonder through naturally occurring selective breeding if early humans began the domestication process with those individuals taking the least risks, prone to less aggression and violence had a higher survival rate leading to more successful offspring brought about by the additional safety and security of larger social groups.

    We know that dogs were created through this process from wolves. We also know that feeding on human garbage disrupted the pack social dynamic with multiple packs feeding from refuse areas instead of maintaining normal boundaries, territories and social distancing. We know that domestication causes personality shifts in addition to physical changes such as more agreeable, more passive, more easily managed with much less focus in dominance/submissive battles within the social groups.

    I know as people with conscious we want to find value for psychopathic personalities, some purpose for such destructive individuals even if it’s from the Stone Age. I guess this means I ascribe to the ‘Throw Back’ theory.

    It seems to me as we become more individualistic and competitive and less community oriented and helping our propensity to follow our basic urges becomes more difficult to resist and those with psychopathic personalities, those who are free to embrace their baser self without internal conflict look more and more like role models that non psychopathic people look up to, admire and emulate creating what I’m going to describe as a secondary psychopathic state of mind.

    There is no doubt that we will see world wide great tragedy and great human suffering before the trauma we’ve inflicted upon ourselves reconstitutes our need for tight knit social groups and creates the demand for the character improvements necessary for sustaining them.

    I keep trying to remind myself that we’ve been through this before but it’s truly disheartening to watch. Your posts are as always timely and my apologies for the ‘book.’ It’s been distressing to watch the utter atrocities and absolute destruction playing out on my TV the past few years and a struggle to find a perspective as to why evil is triumphant over good. While there is no doubt psychopathy is the root, it’s been disturbing to see people with conscious do little to stop the devastation.

    Thanks for listening.

      1. Dr. Simon,

        Always so full of insight and wisdom.

        Not to diminish others, but through the years I always seeing your wisdom and simplicity come from the pages of my Bible I read. In laymen’s terms and experiences you lay it all out in the simplicity Jesus did.

        Not pressing religion but encourage others to just read what Jesus taught.

        Just how I understand what Dr.Simon is saying.

        Peace, Love and Love to All

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