How Charming Narcissists Fool You

The Narcissistic Spectrum

Charming narcissists represent only part of a broad spectrum of character disturbance. Traditional frameworks recognized only one type of narcissist. And they proposed only one set formative dynamics. But my early clinical research taught me the shortsightedness of this view. (I speak to this in In Sheep’s Clothing, Character Disturbance, and How Did We End Up Here?.) And recent empirical research has validated my perspective. Narcissists do in fact come in a wide variety of types. Moreover, the exact nature and severity of their narcissism also varies. And how they get the way they are varies, too.

I’ve written before on the various types of narcissism. (See, for example: Two Main Varieties of Narcissism.) Two main types exist. One type (i.e. the “vulnerable type) cares what you think of them. That’s because they so like to be liked. The other type (i.e. the “grandiose” type) could care less. They just want to use and abuse you. Charming narcissists can be of either of these types. So, you have to be careful. And you have to put some faith in your intuition’s natural “charm alarm.”

How Charming Narcissists Manipulate

Charming narcissists turn on the charm for one of two reasons. They might simply crave your attention and admiration. But they also might just have plans to take advantage of you. In either case, the reason they succeed in manipulating you is the same. Victims simply confuse interest with caring. That is, victims become enamored of the interest a charmer might show. They get seduced by it. And the more interest shown, the more desired they might feel. Feeling desired invites you to feel valued. But simply desiring someone does not equate with valuing them as a person. Nor does it equate with caring for them or their welfare.

We live in a time of rampant character dysfunction. So, it behooves us all to be vigilant. When someone turns on the charm, we must exercise caution. Seduction is one of the principal manipulation tactics. And we have to remember that seducers are trying to secure something via covert means. We have to decide if they possess the character worthy of our compliance. Unfortunately, we live in times where we’ve stopped testing character well enough. And too many of us realize the true character of our relationship partners after it’s too late.

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64 thoughts on “How Charming Narcissists Fool You

  1. One of my brothers recently had a date or a few dates with a woman he described asextremely charming.

    He described her as having the most magnetic personality of anyone he’s ever met. He then went on to describe her narratives about her life as being full of violent imagery and subterfuge (involving international players!) that that had him confused and very suspicious.

    Before he told me all of this he looked up sociopathy and told me that she checked many of the boxes. He didn’t understand the lying part because he couldn’t figure out why anyone would make up stories for no obvious reason.

    So the moral of the story is be very wary of anyone you don’t know who is magnetic. Some people are by nature witty and charming caring and actually interested in you. Others want something from you. In my brothers case I think this woman was interested but not caring at all. He will never know what she wanted from him because he’s not sticking around to find out

    As Dr. Simon has pointed out in his article interest doesn’t equal caring. I don’t know how a person would test for this in the initial stages of a relationship. It often doesn’t become apparent until the target is hooked.

    Refraining from getting into a physical relationship too quickly when dating will keep you safer in a number of different ways. Plus, it’s just a good rule of thumb from a number of different perspectives.

    1. I can only speak from my experience with a narcissistic sister. She enjoys being charming because she enjoys manipulating people. She enjoys seeing what she can get others to believe. It feeds her sense of superiority. She sometimes plays the victim and gets people to feel sorry for her and think she’s “courageous.” she loves that one. Sometimes she expresses her rage or tries to intimidate (when she’s thwarted or her act isn’t working) and that’s manipulation, too. She once told me, “I’m not a teacher, I’m an actress!” okey dokey. She is that. And the purpose of the act is to establish herself over you and get you to do and think what she wants you to.

      1. sook,

        i’m so glad you shared that, as I knew two females who were exactly like that. the only charm they possessed and offered what to manipulate and it did feed their sense of superiority and made them so happy to dupe others and manipulate and play with and toy with others.

        they were like creatures, not really human at all. i mean, i acknowledge they were fully human beings but how evil they were and how happy it made them to mess with others was just unreal and very disturbing to watch.

      2. I know this story too well, I also have a sister like that, she charms the hell out of everyone and is mean and abusive to her family but others dont see it because she is “so nice” to them. She always plays the victim to make everyone else look bad, NEVER her fault!

  2. That was well said Lisa. That was good pick up of your brothers – when you really know what to look out for you cant’ get hooked.

    I’ve got a charmer hovering around now but the fact is I could care less he’s even good looking but I’ve got red flags everywhere so dem tings I be listning too! Anybody who comes across as above average in the charm department gives me pause for concern to say the least. I don’t detect any disingenuity but he’s going OVERBOARD with the charm. He is definitely trying to be liked just a little too much. No thank you Mr.

    At any rate it won’t be going any further than light chit chat at best -smile-

    Once bitten (cough) twice shy – I can say with 99.9% absolute certainty I will never be narc bait again. My self hoovering has paid off more so than I could ever imagine. I’ve found my core wounds and upleveled them where narcs were previously able to hook onto. I’ve also fortified my boundaries and this is now happening as a natural consequence of no longer seeking self validation outside of myself.

    Also I am naturally repelled by any hint at manipulation and will cut that down the size right there and then. I don’t go off thinking I’ve been slimed – I act in order to prevent it now and things are traveling along very nicely there.

    I can safely say I’m a Psychopath Free Zone! Yay!

  3. I was perusing a blog the other day and came upon something Prince Disarming wrote. It was analysis of striking sophistication delivered with a rapier wit. No wonder I was bowled over!
    And could he ever fake care and concern….Wow. But looking back it was all pretty over the top. I thought so at the time too, like you with the dude hanging around you, Eudoxia.

    But, when I wasn’t being charmed by it, I thought he was being eccentric.

    And he had this spiritual guru schtick going on too. That was appealing.

    It matched with what I took for universal kindness!

    But…you better watch that Buddah…he’s a Barracudah!

  4. Oh, and my brother said, “we had fantastic chemistry! She was interested in all the same things I interested in!”
    Major mirroring, which is dating behavior of course. It’s a matter of degree and sincerity. If it’s extreme and there appears to be LOTS of storytelling. Look out!

    1. Agree with the lots of storytelling – dead giveaway. I found out a lot of people just like to be entertained, they don’t care if the stories are true or not. I’m not saying a potential partner would think like that but acquaintances and friends of theirs, at least that’s my experience with my ex charming type NARC. He was always the life of the party. Boy was I dumb!

    2. Lisa

      Yes indeed. It’s why we don’t fall in actual love with them. It’s all just a mass production of an over abundance of oxytocin and dopamine. Ladies we are falling in love with ourselves because they are mirroring all our good attributes. What happens when it all goes “crash” and we work out Prince Charming was Prince Harming – we end up hating ourselves.

      It’s absolutely fascinating narc relationships I tell ya! There is much to learn about not only them but us in this entire process. This is the major lesson I took away from these experiences. Not straight away of course – it took some time to sink in. If we get this right we can evolve beyond our wildest dreams.

      Because what they end up mirroring back to us is everything inside us we need to address and heal and that’s where I’m at right now. Life doesn’t happen to us it happens for us.

      1. Eudoxia,

        I think they mirror our emotions, pretend they share our interests…plus with an overt narcissist or psychopath their arrogance is mistaken for a boyish devil-may-care confidence. Very few people can match the P or overt N for casual don’t give a damn attitude. If you mix in high intelligence, good looks and what appears to be intense interest, it’s no wonder their targets are fooled.

        My experience as a target was different. I’ve always been kind of terrified, deep down, of men who might hurt me. I equated high confidence with the chance I could get seriously hurt. Plus my self esteem was near non existent for many years. So I stayed right away from the overt type. And no, not applauding myself, because this is part of a pattern of avoidance that was more symptomatic than anything. It just happened to work for me in the case of dangerous men.

        During a ‘needs crisis’ after decades of self denial and fear, I was targeted by a covert P. Though I am completely healed (though scarred from the experience) it is hard to put into words what this did, not just to my heart but my mind too. The cognitive dissonance was over the top. This individual was so completely convincing, so endearing, kind and caring.

        A few months ago, I went through some of his emails, like Sherlock Holmes, searching for anything he wrote that would have flagged him. There were a couple of glaring tells, initially.

        He wanted to get really emotionally close very fast which seemed weird to me at the time, but not dangerous. And there were a few emails that were so sentimental and schlocky, they again seemed just odd, but not DANGEROUS. Now I realize that they are often acting, or making up stories.

        The P was a good actor and writer, one of the best. But, on ocassion, like all actors, he gave a clunky performance, where it was obvious he WAS acting. I passed this off at the time as curious, but rare enough that it didn’t make me completely recoil.

        So, other than a few glaring errors, he was perfectly charming in every way. A pure delight. Ugghhh. He was even ‘shy’. OMG…..NOT. That was completely faked.

        He was like my best girlfriend, who shared everything with me, but happened to be a hetero guy. Terrifying

  5. Well yes. I guess we’re falling in love with ourselves — ourselves with stubble.

    So we have Prince Charming, Prince Disarming, Prince Harming. There’s also Prince Alarming!

  6. For me it wasn’t the mirroring that attracted me, it was the fact that he had what I lacked in abundance – confidence, being fearless, adventuresome, outgoing personality, etc. ,but what I didn’t realize is he had an abnormal amt. of it.

      1. The positive takeaway, we now are more aware than most people who know nothing of CD’s. Its good to have the tools to identify them and not be taken in, but I know I would still need to do my homework in case I ran across a Bernie Madoff. And they present differently but there are the signs that raise a red flag. Forewarned is forearmed.

    1. Kat, I wonder if the intense mirroring is done a bit more by the covert type? The overt rely more on their image of confidence, bravado, daring do to win over their prey? Initially the overt may come on strong and be ‘protective,’ as camouflage for their complete lack of care and concern?

      1. LIsaO, that’s something to think about. I do want to learn more, I never want to be taken in again, they are nothing but destructive.

        1. Hi Kat,

          In terms of romantic relationships, you want to learn as much as possible about the character disordered but avoid the trap of mistaking behavior common to normal infatuation, with real predatory behavior. Ordinary people mirror each other, to a degree and there is a certain amount of acting going on, as the infatuated want to present their best faces to each other.

          With the overt type it might be easier because you can gauge how they will treat you when infatuation wears off by how they treat others.

          With the covert type it is much much more difficult. Everything is more subtle. And if the person has honest to God psychopathic tendencies, they feel so superior, they don’t require narcissistic supply, in the same way.

          That makes it much easier for them to appear normal. I can see how a woman who has had a terrible relationship with an overt narcissist might even be attracted to a “strong silent type.” And God knows how many of those are actually callous and insensitive.

          And, of course there is always the reasoning that some people are emotionally shut down, so we cut those who may be emotionally dangerous slack using this reasoning.

          It’s difficult!

  7. Kat,

    That is a really common occurrence. We admire those who have traits we feel we lack and yes, it’s easy to mistake pathology with confidence. So sad. They have CON-fidence.

    Prince Farming-Harming is perfect for the rural disordered, Lucy!

    1. LisoO-That’s exactly where I made the mistake, I mistook pathology with confidence. He would have been so proud if I would have told him he’s a good CON. ugh

    2. HAHA it was the rural disordered I fell for! Luckily for me it was only the idealisation phase the love bombing right after my mother died that cast the spell on me. It was promptly followed by the devaluation phase shortly after. I wasted a lot of precious time and energy on that freak show.

      In hindsight when I look back on it I can clearly see how he engineered the whole thing. I thought it was creature he triangulated me with that was behind it and yes she was as disordered as he was. I just couldn’t see it at the time because I was heavily in FOG – Fear, Obsession, Grief.

      Then the full force of everything hit me all at once and I crashed and burned big time. It was before I found this site and before I really knuckled down and started to unravel it all that all the missing pieces fell in place for me.

      Narcs work in a totally different way to other people. They a keen sense if intuition but as opposed to empaths they don’t use it to help and support others, they use it to exploit others.

      All those qualities you mention Kat you probably have every single one of those qualities they are probably just shrouded in false beliefs. We all have them, it’s the false beliefs/the stories we create about ourselves that aren’t true.

      Our childhood wounds are emotional in nature but our young brains are unable to interpret them so we interpret all our experiences as “we are bad” as opposed to experiencing something outside of ourselves as bad we blame ourselves for it and create false beliefs about ourselves around these wounds.

      These are our attraction points that allow narcs to hook into us. They know our strengths and they know our weaknesses. None of their behavioral strategies are random, they work like predators and go straight to the core of our wounds every time. Because they need to feel in an empowered state, due to their own state of empty nothingness, they must bring us down to as disempowered a state as possible so they can feel all good and powerful.

      At their core which they killed off a long time ago, is nothing it’s an empty void. They are the epitome of moral cowards.

      1. I can’t imagine what would happen if they ever confronted the truth of what they have become, if they ever saw it for what it is. That would be a serious emotional crisis. I wonder if Dr. Simon has ever had a client that broke thru the wall of lies and deceptions and came out the other side. I really don’t have those qualities, I am pretty much the opposite of those. He knew he could impress me with them because he was aware of that. He knew I was fearful, shy, lacking confidence. That came from family issues growing up, but some of it is my natural temperament, like the fact that I am an introvert, and that’s not looked at as a good thing in our society so I always thought it would be better to be an extrovert instead of accepting myself and working with it.

        1. Kat,

          Because you are a normal human being you intuitively feel that the CD will have an emotional crisis if they face the truth — because that is how YOU would feel if you treated people like they do and were forced to confront it.

          Dr. Simon takes pains to point out that their motivations and the way they relate to others is fundamentally different and is usually (unless they are vulnerable types) motivated by self interest and or aggression.

          We have this idea that anybody who treats others like **** is “fear based”. Many of these types are domineering, aggression based personalities. Fear doesn’t enter into it much.

          1. Their ways a numerous but two things stick out directly to me as a RED FLAG.

            One is asking an excessive amount of personal questions. This could be construed as somebody genuinely interested in you. In reality a CD is data mining you and sizing you up as future potential source of narc supply nothing more.

            Two – is them excessively talking about themselves. This will be more applicable to the ultruisitic type that does nothing other than tell you how good they are etc etc ect.

            STOP – TALK TO THE HAND

            I don’t give a flying rats a**& how good they think they are, from my experience anybody who has to tell you how good they are – are probably the exact opposite.

            Just food for thought here guys…………………..

          2. In thinking back about the Ex, I don’t know if anything he did to harm others actually penetrated his conscience. As time went on I came to see he was proud of these things. But I always thought he truly never had a realization of the truth, that it just kind of bounced off of him. Its strange because he died last year and I was there, his girlfriend was gone for the day and he was in hospice so I went there because I felt it was the right thing to do. He realized he was going to die because they told him no more treatments, they wouldn’t do anymore. He became very angry, lashing out at the nurses, but I could see fear as well. He gripped onto my hand and told me “you don’t know what this means to me”, meaning that someone was there and he was truly comforted by clinging onto my hand. But he never told me he was sorry and at one point someone was visiting and he said to them that he put me thru hell, but I did the same to him(untrue). Its just an odd thing to experience, someone you thought you truly loved, then finding out what they really were, and then it comes full circle being there at the time of their death, its an odd confliction of emotions.

        2. Kat: I’m an introvert too and am aware that our society puts down introverts. I regard that as temperament-ism. Now that I’m a senior I don’t care who doesn’t like introverts and sometimes it’s tedious being around extroverts. I mean, how much noise can a person make?!

      2. Eudoxia,

        I was also discarded in the most callous cruel way possible, as my mother lay dying. My life shattered, so I know how you feel. But you, like me, are probably relieved it happened sooner rather than later.

        Had plans proceeded I would have ended up penniless, heart broken and caused others unnecessary turmoil.

        I think the P figured out I wasn’t going to be the cash cow he originally thought, plus, it probably dawned on him that anyone who stood up to a military General father, (think The Great Santini) at 11 years of age, might be too much work. He was, after all, rather lazy.

        1. Lisa,

          Oh yea they know when to pick the most opportune moments don’t they?

          I was definitely relieved it happened sooner that’s for sure. I can’t believe I was so “love struck” I could not see it. I see it clearly now though and to think I was trying to save him! LOL – at least I can laugh about it now.

          What it really forced me to look at was this “Why did I attract him into my life and why have I had a succession of these misguided tragic freaks come in what was their purpose”

          This is why I signed onto NARP so I could go inside and find out what gaps / unhealed wounds I had in me that allowed them to hook into me. I have found pure gold here Lisa.

          I thought I’d done a lot of inner self work and found most of my core wounds – HA! I only just scratched the surface. I’ve now sealed all of those gaps. I can go out now and narcs have absolutely no effect on me.

          I tell you clearing these attraction points that allow narcs to lock in and hook us is vital. I was not content knowing all there is to know about recognising them, what makes them tic, what varieties are out there and strategies for dealing with them. I have gone way past that point – thanks to my NARP work.

          Now I don’t even need to think about strategies or try to impelment a boundary – it comes naturally as a result of the work I’ve done and I’ve been very committed to it. It’s made a huge difference and I can happily say I am now an NRD – Narcissist Repellent Device. They f**^* run! Or if they don’t the soon find out I’m no easy meal and they go look for greener pastures……………………….it’s way kewl :-

          1. Eudoxia,
            What is NARP and where can I find out about it. I need to heal myself after narc abuse. Thanx

  8. Kat

    Narcs fear death it’s their number one fear the next is fear of losing supply. Either of these perceived losses bring them to what one fellow calls “The Precipice” they fear total annihilation.

    Any type of perceived abandonment from their primary source/s of supply send them closer to the precipice in which case they upstep their vile and abusive behavior. As the doc says they have no understanding or connection to a higher power. They are it as far as they are concerned so yes death is terrifying to narcs.

    And when we escape their clutches – if we leave them that’s when they launch their smear campaign. Narcs want to destroy those they can’t control it is as simple as that.

  9. “One loses, as one grows older, something of the lightness of one’s dreams; one begins to take life up in both hands, and to care more for the fruit than the flower, and that is no great loss perhaps.”

    “Let us go forth, the tellers of tales, and seize whatever prey the heart longs for, and have no fear.”

    “But Love has pitched his mansion in
    The place of excrement;
    For nothing can be sole or whole
    That has not been rent.”

    “All is changed, changed utterly
    A terrible beauty is born.”

    “Surely some revelation is at hand.”
    W.B. Yeats

    Love’s alchemy trumps hunting hungry shadows. Jurutungo!

  10. OMG hold the phone Season Ticket Holders

    I just got done watching this really interesting movie – and guess what was in it – no Cupie Dolls for guessing a NSpath :-

    Seriously what I would call B grade but it has the BEST examples of gaslighting I’ve seen in a movie beside the actual movie Gaslight.

    I thoroughly recommend it to all of you guys specially the A Team to show just how gullible some people can be when they are really STUPID and miss the red flags of this bizzare and dangerous psycho next door. You would have to be blind Freddy to do what this woman did I swear to God on 400 Bibles.

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzz gone me way past my bed time :-

    1. At any rate he was a hell of a lot smarter than Norman Bates who was just your average garden variety psycho……………………….bordering the criminally insane. As for the other guy insane NO – highly predatory, manipulative and dangerous – yes most certainly.

  11. kat

    You being there for the dying X, that has gotten me thinking. Did he really think you were a troublemaker for him, possibly because he had to work harder at his deception? Or did he believe his own lies? Makes me wonder about my X. He truly thinks I’m this POS that caused him trouble, was a worthless wife. Are they lying to themselves? I don’t think I want to be there when my X dies because I really don’t want to have to question the things that come out of this mouth.
    You did the right thing, the humane thing, to be there with him while he died. You think he could have said something nice and apologized. Geez! That really gives me more insight into my situation. The apology will NEVER come, because then they’d have to admit they were at fault, not perfect.
    I’m sorry that happened to you.

    1. Lucy, I’m not sure but if I was to guess I think he believed it. Nothing was his fault either, it was always someone else. If his lips were moving he was lying. I wasn’t raised like that and I totally trusted him, until I got older and wiser. He put my and our kids life in danger more than once and he didn’t even care, in fact after I divorced him he used to tell people we all died in a car wreck so he could get sympathy from them in order to set them up to use them I’m sure. I didn’t expect an apology to me, but I did have some expectations of him apologizing to his two kids but that never came either. It wasn’t easy to go be with him while he was dying, but at that point I was doing what I thought was right no matter what I know he is, he will reap what he sowed. I’m sorry you have to deal with one of these CD’s too, never again huh!

    2. Lucy

      It’s what they do – ALL OF THEM. You will have better luck walking backwards to the moon than expecting or waiting on an apology from a narc. There is not one life couch out there today that will disagree with that last statement. This is something we just have to accept and move on. We have to get on with our own lives and stop wasting what we have left on creatures who have no regard or us whatsoever.

      I know this is probably going to sound crazy but it is a fact. We have to stop taking them personally. This is a huge waste of our time and energy. By giving so much energy to figure them out – go back down the garden path to your childhood and the daisy plucking – “he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not”………………………………

      How long do you want to keep plucking at daisy petals? They’ve still got power over you while you are giving your energy to them. The best way to overcome them is to leave them behind and refocus your energy on you and your healing. Forget him.

      They come into our lives to mirror back to us things that are inside of us that are unhealed. If we use them for the evolutionary purpose there are intended for then we win. Of course this is not applicable to familial narc abuse – we had no control over who we allow into our lives back them. But we sure as hell do now. And narcs can only hook onto us if we have those wounds inside of us already – so we are a perfect match for a narc and there’s only one way to fix that.

      I have proven this to myself over and over again and so have thousands of others. Now I am ironing out all those cracks – it’s loud and clear to me and I am literally a narc free zone now.

      1. EU, I agree we need to not take it personally. It does sound odd because it was a very personal experience and affected us very personally, but I wasted a lot of time thinking there was something wrong with me, its not us its them. We are not the liars and users, they are and we got hooked in because they read people well for one purpose only, to use us for however long we are beneficial to them.

        1. Exactly kat and I know it does sound weird so it’s just a matter of how to look at it.

          We are just appliances to them to extract fuel from nothing more.

          When we fail to reflect back to them their perfected version of who they think they are and deal in reality they blow a gasket and set about to punish us.

          They can’t deal with truth and their is no truth in them, their entire existence is just one big lie.

          They lie from the time they wake up till the time they go to bed. Their dreams are probably nothing but lies providing they dream at all. I’ve had reports that many of them don’t how weird is that?

          We will only be of benefit to them while we continue to be sources of supply. If we dont’ cough up supply they slot us in for destruction.

          They are the equivalent of human chubacabra and when we step back to look at them for their exact purpose which I am certain is to (by way of a weird type of vestigiality) evolve our conscious awareness.

          There is a plague of them at present, when we’ve sufficiently raised our consciousness and awareness they won’t be required anymore and by way of natural selection will go into extinction.

          I know many will disagree with this and they have every right to do so :-

          How much pain to do we need before we get to the core of the issue? Reminds me of a small story about a dog and a nail.

          “Why is that dog in so much pain”
          “Because he’s laying on a nail”
          “Why doesn’t he get off the nail and move”
          “Because he’s not in enough pain yet”

          When we reach our limit for self abuse is when we get off the nail! LOL

          Life is a cosmic joke I tell ya……………………..

          1. Eudox,

            I agree with everything you said. They, the CDN are a plague right now and actually in vogue. We alone, can change this by giving NO SUPPLY, Nada, Nothing, Starve them out, because the CDN sure won’t get it from each other.

            True, we must wake up, the true power lies within us……

            Forward March Sister

    3. Kat,

      I applaud you for sitting with your X when he died. You set an example of your humanity for another person, he is the father of your children. If your children are on the right path, you have set a wonderful example for them. Its bad enough the children carry the sins of their parents, in your compassion you broke the chain. You loved your X at one time and you came through. This will make you a better person.

      Kat, you said your X said how much it meant you were there and in the same sentence condemned you and blamed you. For a brief moment your X had human feeling and then resorted to his false self. Know this, your X does know reality, he goes in and out of it to suit his self. Your X knows it wasn’t your fault, remember the CD will do anything to protect their false self.

      In the end the CDN become their own victims, entangled in their web of lies with glimpses of reality flirting in and out. They the CDN are the spider and prey at the same time. They feed off of who or whatever they can snare into their web and in the end consume themselves, all to protect the false self.

      Kat, If my X lay dying, I would do the same thing you did. There are many life lessons in doing this selfless act of kindness. Take all the good you can from this experience, it will help you grow to heights you never imagined.

      Personally, I have held the hands of many individuals leaving this world. It is painful, it is sad, it is exhausting, but at the same time, rewarding. Not all people can do this Kat, it is a gift, a rare gift, cherish it and take care of it, as you will reap many rewards when you embrace it. Also, Protect It……..

      Blessings Dear One

  12. Welcome to The Spiritual Awakening Hour – proudly brought to you by Eudoxia but written by Dylan Charles editor of Waking Times………………………….

    It is time to stop focusing on the narc and start focusing on our own evolution. Hope you enjoy this article despite it being a bit “out there” for some. However I went down this rabbit hole a long time ago and it is very, very real……………Enjoy

    Five Things You Realise When You Wake Up and Question Reality – Dylan Charles

    “What is real? How do you define real? If you’re talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.” ~Morpheus, The Matrix

    Ever get the feeling that reality isn’t really what we think it is?
    The further science, technology and human evolution take us the more questions we have about the nature of reality and the role of consciousness. Is this a hologram or an illusion? Are we dreaming or in a simulation? Do we shift between parallel universes as we make different choices? And what of the spiritual dimensions? Are human beings really just a single unified cosmic consciousness experiencing itself from billions of points of isolated and limited perception? Does anyone know for sure?

    Few are privy to the secrets of reality, but the journey of awakening begins when one starts questioning everything. Whether it be the big global conspiracies, secret societies, the corporate control matrix, big pharma and the medical cartel, the banking establishment, the shape of the earth, or the purpose of life, the journey is at first an inquisition.

    Along the way you notice ways in which approaching life with an open-mind changes you, and how it turns long-held beliefs and assumptions upside down, forever altering your perception and relation to it all.

    1. You Realize that Patterns and Programs Govern Everything and Everyone
    We learn primarily by mimicry…. monkey see, monkey do. As a child grows and develops consciousness over time, they move from confusion to differentiation, to situational awareness, then to identification, ultimately arriving at self-awareness. By the time they become self-aware, their perception of what the world is all about is well-formed. The programs in play here affect the rest of their lives.

    “We laugh at sheep because sheep just follow the one in front. We humans have out-sheeped the sheep, because at least the sheep need a sheep dog to keep them in line. Humans keep each other in line. And they do it by ridiculing or condemning anyone who commits the crime, and that’s what it’s become, of being different.” ~David Icke

    Conformity to patterns of thought and patterns of behavior are learned, and when you watch people closely, you notice that most of them are imitating the examples they’ve seen their whole lives. Emotional behavior, notions of success, relationships, rules, laws, and even love for self are all ingrained programs, many of which need to be undone in order for spiritual growth to occur.

    If we can be programmed, we can also be re-programmed.

    2. You Learn that the Most Valuable Commodity is Your Attention
    Advertisers, governments, media organizations and business are quickly learning that in this new age of technological wonders capturing people’s attention is priority number one. Attention is the greatest commodity of today.

    With so much competition for your attention, you begin to realize how valuable it is to others, and eventually you realize how valuable it is to yourself. You notice that what you give your attention to creates the environment in which you live, and therefore the information and ideas you focus on and consume will work together to shape your personal reality.

    This is why it is absolutely essential to consciously direct your focus where it is deserved, carefully choosing which ideas and perspectives are worthy of your time and congruent with the life you wish to lead. And your time is your life, so your attention is priceless.

    3. You Notice that Perceptions Can Change in an Instant, Changing Everything
    It only takes the right scrap of information, the right quote, or the right idea at the right time to change your whole understanding of the world.

    “Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” ~Wayne Dyer

    Again, media organizations and propagandists already know this, which is why news is crafted the way it is, carefully framing, suggesting and omitting ideas so as to manage the perceptions of the masses. The crux of mind control is perception management.
    When you begin to question everything, you start to wonder if your perceptions and belief about society and your own life are really true. You wonder if they are your own perceptions or if they belong to someone else. You begin to ask if your outlook is based on the complete picture, or if it is based on a limited understanding and a limited knowing.

    When you grasp this, you begin to understand just how much power you have to control your own perceptions, and then your own reality, and are no longer bound to the whims of others.

    4. You Begin to See that Everything is an Illusion
    The eyes turn tricks with light to create images inside the brain using only a tiny fraction of the entire spectrum of electromagnetic frequencies in front of us. The subconscious mind makes a fool of the conscious mind by secretly adding depth and meaning to the images we create. These images combine with experience to form beliefs, and the ego constructs an identity out of them. Above all of this sits the spirit, watching and waiting for an opportunity to break free from the illusions of what we think it means to be alive and conscious in a material world.

    But the world we are in is insufferably material, and this materialism works magic with light, symbols and imagery in order to create illusions. Illusions about authority, happiness, truth and success can be incredibly powerful, but upon deeper inquiry, you’ll eventually notice that nothing is ever what it seems.

    The rich and famous aren’t always happy or healthy. Those who enforce the law don’t always follow the law. The powerful are often bested by the weak. The aim of politics is not to unite, but to divide. Time isn’t money, it is your life. And on and on.

    “We live in a culture where everything tastes good but nothing satisfies.” ~Daniel Pinchbeck

    5. You Finally Realize there is Nothing to Fear
    In the exploration of the self, fear is the first thing to go, and once it is unwound and cast aside a tremendous sense of freedom takes over, defying the negative shock programming in our world today. This runs counter to the messages of the media who rely on stoking fear to control and to sell, but once you’ve broken through the illusions that create a false reality, and are able to see that love is the organizing force in our universe, fear dissolves entirely.

    “Everything is the light.” ~Nikola Tesla
    “Life is vibration.” Albert Einstein

    Eventually, upon self-reflection, it becomes clear that consciousness and the soul are eternal. We truly are cosmic beings having a human experience, and we are capable of knowing that once this existence comes to an end something greater and more magical awaits us.

    The greatest realization of them all is that there is nothing to fear.

    Final Thoughts
    Our shared world is created by the collected thoughts and actions of individuals. Therefore, to change the world for the better we must first elevate our own consciousness so that we may overcome the traps and obstacles set before us by a dying culture and a psychopathic power structure. The only way to do this is to turn our attention onto the act of understanding how we as individuals perceive and relate to the world we share. This is how we evolve.

    “You have to take seriously the notion that understanding the universe is your responsibility, because the only understanding of the universe that will be useful to you is your own understanding.” ~Terence McKenna

  13. Kay, does your x really think you are partly responsible for what happened between the two of you? Maybe. Maybe not. The crucial element is he was angry with you and that trumped all logic and reason because for someone like him, their anger is all that matters. If he is angry you are just automatically ‘bad.’
    It doesn’t go any deeper than that.

    1. Don’t they all think we are totally responsible for every ail that befalls the relationship. I don’t ever recall EVER one narc I was ever involved with to EVER admit to causing any problems when they basically where behind the whole bloody lot.

      Sure they invite us out of integrity then we end up acting in ways that are not who and what we really are. Then they pin it on us when most of the time is cold premeditated bastardry!

      I agree with the doc in some are unconscious of their behavior while the more intelligent ones are totally aware and fully conscious of what they are doing. What’s worse is they get off on it.

      1. You bet they get off on it and they love it. I have never met a CDN that didn’t love themselves. Regardless, of the ones who might be somewhat unaware or ignorant of their pathology, or have an inkling of remorse the desire to hurt others and inflict pain is dominate. The CDN dump all their woes and S—– on you, they project it and they know it……………………

  14. I love your approach to this topic. Straightforward, wise and totally on the money. I started out in the workforce as the perfect prey, so have had to do a lot of self-development over the years and am pretty happy with where I have landed.
    But now, at 66, I have undertaken a volunteer role that I adore – and, after all these years, find myself totally stumped by a covert aggressive. Not because one-on-one I cannot deal with her (I am her target), but because I have no authority in this role. It is managed by several men who have fallen into exactly the trap you describe: “Victims simply confuse interest with caring”.
    I’ve waited 12 months, staying low so I can get done the essentials I want to see done (it’s a very small town community archive) – but now the time has arrived to move this project forward, which means I become visible again, and she becomes ‘active’ again. I have no idea how to approach these men. I know they have begun to tire of her bossiness and inconsistency – but I doubt they realise how far she ‘owns’ them psychologically. One in particular, ‘fell in love’ with her and has had his emotions yanked about mercilessly. I know I can’t ‘give’ them insight or ‘fix’ it for them. I guess simple and direct is always best. But it’s such a tricky thing.
    If it was just a business presentation, it would be a cinch – but because these men have let their emotions be brought into it ……….. I have no idea what to say to them …….
    For all the acres of print about manipulation on the internet, no-one seems to address this ‘other’ side of it – how once you have your own emotions in order, you can still be brought down by others ………..
    So, there’s a blog idea for you.

  15. I met him in a therapy centre. I needed treatment for my back pain and psychological support after a recent breakup with my partner.
    I was introduced to Dahnen- all-in-one alternative therapy guru. He was charming, well spoken, seemed very kind, attentive and honest.
    His focused attention, smooth, sweet talk, strong and gentle touch was like a balm for my soul. He made me feel important, cared for, safe. No matter if I was right or wrong – he was on my side.
    During one of our physiotherapy sessions he proposed a free massage in his flat. He said he was just practicing new techniques for back pain and he needed someone to practice on. I accepted.
    When I came to his house he was very nice, polite and warm but I felt strangely nervous. My instinct was shouting: get out!! His house was too sterile, too arranged, it felt like some kind of trap. Big plasma TV, Netflix, box of clinex tissues next to the large sofa, dimmed lights, candles, a bottle of wine…Yes, I could guess his agenda and quite frankly I didn’t mind, I didn’t have sex for a while and I did fancy him. He was extremely attentive, smart, fully focused on me, he made me feel safe and comfortable.
    And so it happened. I didn’t expect anything to follow. To my surprise he called me 5min after I left his house then an hour later, then in the evening again, then early in the morning….I was slightly alarmed with his intensity but it also felt like someone REALLY cared and wanted me; it was like an opium for my mind. It felt euphotic, it felt good and I wanted more.
    I begged him not to play games with me, I felt very vulnerable, I said I am OK with casual sex as long as we respect each other and are emotionally honest with each other.
    He told me that he never felt like that with anyone before, that he studied psychology and massage therapy , yoga , meditation and that he will help me to stand on my feet again because his passion and reward is in helping others.
    I felt it was too good to be true. But I thought maybe I’m too sceptical because I was hurt and I lost feelings of joy and trust. I should open my heart.
    I did.
    He swiped me off my feet: nice trips to beautiful places, dancing in his living room by the candle lights, dinners, gifts and complements. It felt like being on drugs and indeed that’s what it was: an intoxication, an illusion.
    I look back on all of it now and I just wish I could reach back into a physical timeline and grab myself by the shoulders and pull myself out
    He is very good with words: he knows exactly what to say and when to say it. He swore he wants a family, he wants me, he wants something true and serious.
    I dropped my guards down. That’s when the abuse started.
    First it was small remarks or lack of interest in what I had to say. Then he stared to withhold his affection and compare me to other women: I was crazy and nobody will put up with me, he prefers more stable women, more spontaneous, more organised, more elegant, more free, more spiritual, more professional, I was not as physically fit as his last girlfriend that was a yoga teacher, I was too old and he wanted to have his own kids, I was too boring in bed and he is forced to look at other women to stimulate him. He told me that if I want to stay with him I need to be more experimental in bed because this is the only thing that I have to offer and I forced myself to do the things that he wanted. I felt he stripped me down off personality, opinions, importance. And I don’t know how, when and how it happened.
    Drip by drip he killed my spirit. I wish I could tell you I left him but like some kind of virus that destroys the whole of immune system from inside his sweet words left cavities in my moral bones, turned toxic and I had no will power left.
    One day out of the blue he told me that he wants to “open his heart to a true love, someone who is able to give and to have a perfect and fulfilling relationship with a woman of his dreams”. He is a perfect prince charming and I just didn’t measure up to his dreams. He never took responsibility for his actions, never apologised.
    Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse is often more difficult to recover from, as the scars can often be more self-destructive. There are no visible marks and friends and family can barely detect your pain.
    I was robbed of hope, warmth and self-esteem , the only feeling he left me was a toxic shame. I felt ashamed to talk about it with my friends because everybody liked him, they would not believe me, he was so charming and balanced where I was known to have emotional swings and troubled mind. Surely I was the problem. Well, that’s what I believed too until years later I accessed a therapy and I learnt about grooming.
    Every day people meet, fall in love and break up but what is so sick about him is that he does it on purpose. He is grooming women in a calculated process to gain their trust and gradually desensitizing them by violating their boundaries and hijacking ability to love.
    Don’t be his next victim to supply him with adoration, nurturance, and sex to feed his insatiable hunger for power and control.

    Please read more about adult grooming here:
    “We all understand that grooming takes place, but many of us misunderstand the scale to which it happens. That it can be your doctor, or therapist, a person that runs a meditation course in your local community centre.
    It’s easy to hear the word grooming and assume that you’re talking about older men talking to children online. But there is, in fact, much more to the issue of grooming. Not only does grooming happen among adults, but also, sexual predators don’t just groom their victim. They groom their friends, their family, even their co-workers, all to make everyone around them supporters of what they’re doing.
    That’s why so many sexual predators are described as charming, nice guys by their friends, families, and the people they work with.”

  16. I literally cannot decide who is the narcissist in my relationship. How messed is that. Sometimes I’m convinced it’s me, then the next day I’m sure it’s him. Seriously.

    1. Narcs don’t worry about being narcissistic. So, by worrying, you absolve yourself of that fear. Narcs like to convince you that you are the bad one, the ill one, the narcissistic one. And it’s very hard to resist and see through their BS.

      1. My husband has repeatedly tried to isolate me from my family for our more than 22+ year marriage. He’s so threatened by them. He can’t stand that I’m close to them. He’s always given me a hard time when I want to spend time with anyone other than him. He doesn’t want me to work until he needs the income I can provide. Then I suddenly need to work. He throws my stuff out without asking. I am ashamed to admit that I recently had an affair. Somehow trying to convince him that him looking at porn all these years is infidelity as well has been very difficult. We will never agree on that point. We have been in marriage counseling for several months, but how do you tell someone you suspect them of being a covert narcissist?

        1. You don’t. Narcs are nasty people. Get away from evil whenever possible. There is no reforming them. I don’t care what others might say, even if Dr. Simon professes there is change possible. They don’t change. They don’t become good people. 22 years is a long enough sentence.

          Abusers love to isolate their victims/targets/prey. Your husband isolates you so that you constantly defer to him, his opinions of you, his pronouncements of what is or is not acceptable, his edicts of what is or is not to be, etc.

          He doesn’t want you to work, not because he wants to take care of you (as abusers profess) but to keep you from having financial independence. It’s to limit your options and ensure your continued dependency. Same with isolating you from family and friends. It’s strategic.

          My abuser did both of these things too. Made it so difficult or painful to be in contact with anyone, made sure I reported to him what my contacts were, and monitored everything. Isolation is the potting soil in which abuse grows best. Same with spending time with others. Or going to class. Or talking on the phone.

          My abuser didn’t want me to work either and wanted to “take care of me” but what he really wanted was control and forced dependency. When I had class or tests or needed to study, all hell broke loose. When I needed to be job-hunting, he made sure I was a wreck as well. It’s sabotage. It’s a setup. It not only short-changes you in life, but it keeps you totally dependent on the abuser. Money is control in life. Money is survival. Money is independence.

          My abuser would break my stuff. If it was dear to me or special and he could break it, he’d “accidentally” do so, usually before class or exams. Yours throws it out. These are abuser behaviors.

          He knows his porn consumption is infidelity. You don’t need to convince him of that, as he knows, he just refuses to own it and acknowledge it. Moreover, any man who consumes porn is not a man who is fit to be in any relationship with any woman. Nope, nope, nope. No rapists need apply. He isn’t going to get rid of his rape tapes consumption habit. It’s too dear to him. Abusers love rape tapes (porn).

          In marriage counseling? With an abuser? Never a good idea!

          If he is a covert narc, you realize you want to get as far away from him as possible, right? And so telling him such doesn’t help you in the slightest. Narcs are nasty people as it is, they are even more horrible in divorces.

          You’re early in your awareness and empowerment journey. You probably believe if you can appeal to him to realize what he is that he might take up correcting such, yes? Not so. Same with the porn consumption. Every man alive, with any conscience at all, knows that porn is evil, it’s adulterous, and it’s vile, horrible, degrading, dehumanizing, violent, sadistic stuff. You really want to live the rest of your life with a man who orgasms to rape tapes? No, no you don’t.

          I’m assuming you left out huge portions of your life. I’m also assuming that you put the very best light and spin on things and you possibly feel guilty for posting such info., having loyalty ties yet to your abuser. These may be inaccurate assumptions of mine.

          That’s my best take.

        2. Change is extremely hard. And you may have any number of barriers keeping you from leaving or separating yourself from him.

          But, in the case of ambiguity, ask yourself, “would I want this guy for my ______ [daughter, sister, mother, niece]?” Would I want her to be spending her life with a guy suspected of being a covert narcissist? Would I want her to be with some man who consumes rape-tapes (porn is concentrated woman-hating and nothing short of it, it’s pure evil and I don’t care how much society has normalized it, it’s evil, depraved, and concentrated woman-hating, so vile) for years and is so beholden to it argues that such is not adultery or wrong so as to not stop consuming it? Would I want my daughter to be married to a man who throws her stuff out, isolates her, and keeps her dependent?”

          Marriage counseling is a crock. Never is it appropriate for abusers and their prey to attend marriage counseling because it’s not the woman’s fault her husband is an abuser and a lecherous, woman-hating, pervert, too. No change in you will cause him to stop being the person he is.

          What would you tell your daughter if she came to you and said the above?

          Perhaps it’s helpful to reframe it in terms of a loved one, as women are socially conditioned to not fight for themselves but it is socially acceptable for women to be momma bears and fight for their kids. Helps to see things more clearly.

          1. Furthermore, perhaps you married young and you’re only in your 40s. When family members start dying, you might see how selfish and horrendous it is for your abuser to isolate you from your family and cheat you out of time with them. Time can only be spent once and when it’s gone, it’s gone. When you start losing family members, perhaps you’ll see how treacherous and selfish it is for this abuser to isolate you for 22 years from your loved ones.

            You’re very likely trauma bonded to him and brainwashed, but then again, you had an affair, so you’re likely not as isolated as I originally estimated.

  17. He’s tried to isolate me. He hasn’t always succeeded, but he’s always very disapproving when I go. I lost my father suddenly over 10 years ago and I don’t feel like I was allowed to grieve properly. I was expected to suck it up and go back to normal. I was the main breadwinner at the time and had 2 young children. I think that’s when I really started withdrawing. I didn’t even realize it at the time, but I can see it now. The thing is that he’s really trying to do everything right now. He claims he never knew how bad that stuff hurt me. That he never knew anything was wrong until last year. The problem is that I’ve been checked out so long that I don’t know if the good feelings ever come back. And if I were to leave or do something else uncooperative? What would happen? Would the covert become overt? I don’t know.

  18. And yes I am in my 40s. I was in my early 30s when I lost my dad. My mom was widowed at 58 and totally lost. I wasn’t able to help her the way I would’ve liked.

    1. I’m sorry you lost your father at such a young age. Perhaps you might be more able to invest in supporting her if you focused your efforts on her instead of a husband who seems to not appreciate you nor see you as an individual.

      It’s all up to you, though, and you know your situation best. Too many women invest all of themselves in marriages and relationships with men who are not worthy of such investments. Then when such inevitably end, be it breaking up or the creep dies, the woman is left with a life that has been severely underinvested in, as too many men demand basically servitude, entrapment, and enslavement of “their women” while not reciprocating in the least, as such is the power dynamics at play and also the relative worth, priority, and importance assigned to each of the partners. One is human and the priority. The woman is but an unpaid servant, hostage, and but an extension, not fully human, least of all, not a priority in the slightest.

  19. He says the porn has stopped. That it’s never been something he “had” to do, but rather chose to. I’m not sure which is worse. He also told me he stopped 17 years ago when I first discovered it. I recently found out in counseling that it didn’t stop back then. He claims it was never an addiction, just something that happened maybe 3 times a year…when he wasn’t getting much action from me. He always claimed how much he hated fake stuff. Thinks I should let my hair go gray. But then readily admitted that those women are nothing but fake. It’s like he wants to look at the thing that he’s always claimed to hate.

    1. But you realize this is false. These guys don’t give up their porn. They lie about it. They hide it. But do they stop it? Of course not. And any man who has consumed porn remembers what they’ve consumed, so it’s not like he needs new material as he can access his memory bank of past porn at any moment.

      Porn is woman-hating. Never forget that. It’s rape tapes. That’s why men love it. It’s about male supremacy and forced subjugation, humiliation, degradation, and subservience of women.

      Porn is absolutely adulterous. It’s 100% infidelity. I don’t care what anyone else says. It is. And the devastation it causes in the wife is basically the same as the harms of finding out the husband is having an affair with some woman at work (or wherever). Same insecurities. Same trust issues being created (which is normal, healthy, logical, rational, and understandable). I think porn is worse because of the inherent violence, degradation, dehumanization, sadism, abuse, and humiliation featured in porn. That’s the key thing that gets the men off. The enforced subjugation. The violation of it all. It’s rape tapes. It’s a power perversion effect.

      Porn users use the lie about not being intimate in real life to justify their consumption of rape tapes. It’s a bunch of bull. Your husband is a liar. So you are the fault of his evil habit? What a reversal. They always blame the woman. Never do they admit what scum they are and how they love to degrade, harm, rape, and humiliate women.

      About letting your hair go gray, it’s up to you. Many men who are controlling encourage their wives to not make themselves conventionally attractive (which is SO OVERRATED) so they don’t draw men’s attention and the women don’t realize how lovely they are and that they do have options and other men will be interested in them.

      I think you should let it go gray as a feminist woman who stands in her power and doesn’t waste her money, time, and effort in applying toxic chemicals to her head, breathing in the fumes, and who knows to what extent it leeches into one’s skin.

      Did you know most, even high-end, lip products have lead in them? Make up (adult face paints) and hair dye aren’t safe. Plus they are ridiculous. Women aren’t clowns. They aren’t blow-up dolls. No woman should wear makeup – ever.

      The products aren’t regulated whatsoever. Look at Johnson and Johnson’s baby powder and ovarian cancer. Pretty sure that company knew their product was dangerous and carcinogenic.

      Think the cosmetics and “beauty” industry cares about women’s health, well-being, and safety? Not on your life. It’s inherently predatory. The entire industry is built and maintained by creating insecurity in women, exploiting it and making money from making women feel like crap about their natural selves.

      Porn-consuming dad has a bunch of excuses. They all do. If your husband was honest, I’d bet he has never stopped consuming and orgasming to woman-hating rape tapes. All through your marriage. And he has kids, too. Many men’s consumption of misogyny tapes eventually leads to kiddie porn. How revolting is that?

      Glad you kept up with your family despite your husband’s disapproval. So good of you! So happy for that. Perhaps he isn’t as bad as I thought. That you can disobey him is saying something. Many women experience severe and devastating violence if they dare to ever do anything against their husband’s edicts. My guy was a ‘comply or die’ kind of scum male. Glad that’s not happening for you. Do more things that he doesn’t like. See what happens. Then you’ll have more data and more answers about the guy your husband is.

  20. And of course the only reason that we are in counseling is because of the affair. The fact that I wanted to go years ago was not enough at the time. It’s like I had to do something drastic to open some eyes.

    1. So he wants to keep you, but he really doesn’t want to make efforts at ensuring your happiness and satisfaction. Typical. Plus, with counseling centering on your affair, he can be the victim and you be the bad one.

      If he is a narc, he’d be looking for new supply. Perhaps he can’t find new supply so he is trying to keep you, his current supply. Most narcs and abusers don’t have 22 year long marriages. It’s usually shorter and much more traumatic, abusive, and damaging. If he does find and obtain new supply, you’ll quickly enter the devaluation and discarding stage.

      Maybe your guy is the typical selfish oaf porn-user. What ultimately matters, isn’t labels, but rather whether or not it works for you. Sounds like you’ve been forced to withdraw and are probably practicing numbing, too.

      Most counselors and therapists are not feminist. Most are misogynistic. The medical industry is anti-woman, as is society. So careful about the amount of victim-blaming you might otherwise hear or the amount of pro-porn arguments that might be made. So many in the counseling field seem to think porn is great. Worthless advice will come out of their mouths.

      Perhaps you’re susceptibility to an affair was because of the amount of pain and desperation you are experiencing. I don’t know. Much, much speculation on my part. But what’s telling is that you’re on this website, reading these articles, suspecting your husband of being a covert narc. That doesn’t come from nowhere.

  21. He really has been trying way harder than I have at this point. I’ve decided that maybe I’m the toxic one after all because I checked out years ago.

    1. Could be. You know your situation best. But maybe you’re also being manipulated. Abusers do grand displays of ‘trying’ when in the con phase of the abuse cycle, otherwise known as the buyback stage or the ‘honeymoon’.

      Lots of victims, if not all victims, are made to feel and believe they are the toxic ones. Abusers love to blame and reverse victim and offender roles.

      And if nothing else, you know this website exists and have the ability to reassess things along the way. Hopefully you are right and he is not an abuser and perhaps a period of blissful married life awaits you.

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