How Charming Narcissists Fool You

The Narcissistic Spectrum

Charming narcissists represent only part of a broad spectrum of character disturbance. Traditional frameworks recognized only one type of narcissist. And they proposed only one set formative dynamics. But my early clinical research taught me the shortsightedness of this view. (I speak to this in In Sheep’s Clothing, Character Disturbance, and How Did We End Up Here?.) And recent empirical research has validated my perspective. Narcissists do in fact come in a wide variety of types. Moreover, the exact nature and severity of their narcissism also varies. And how they get the way they are varies, too.

I’ve written before on the various types of narcissism. (See, for example: Two Main Varieties of Narcissism.) Two main types exist. One type (i.e. the “vulnerable type) cares what you think of them. That’s because they so like to be liked. The other type (i.e. the “grandiose” type) could care less. They just want to use and abuse you. Charming narcissists can be of either of these types. So, you have to be careful. And you have to put some faith in your intuition’s natural “charm alarm.”

How Charming Narcissists Manipulate

Charming narcissists turn on the charm for one of two reasons. They might simply crave your attention and admiration. But they also might just have plans to take advantage of you. In either case, the reason they succeed in manipulating you is the same. Victims simply confuse interest with caring. That is, victims become enamored of the interest a charmer might show. They get seduced by it. And the more interest shown, the more desired they might feel. Feeling desired invites you to feel valued. But simply desiring someone does not equate with valuing them as a person. Nor does it equate with caring for them or their welfare.

We live in a time of rampant character dysfunction. So, it behooves us all to be vigilant. When someone turns on the charm, we must exercise caution. Seduction is one of the principal manipulation tactics. And we have to remember that seducers are trying to secure something via covert means. We have to decide if they possess the character worthy of our compliance. Unfortunately, we live in times where we’ve stopped testing character well enough. And too many of us realize the true character of our relationship partners after it’s too late.

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40 thoughts on “How Charming Narcissists Fool You

  1. One of my brothers recently had a date or a few dates with a woman he described asextremely charming.

    He described her as having the most magnetic personality of anyone he’s ever met. He then went on to describe her narratives about her life as being full of violent imagery and subterfuge (involving international players!) that that had him confused and very suspicious.

    Before he told me all of this he looked up sociopathy and told me that she checked many of the boxes. He didn’t understand the lying part because he couldn’t figure out why anyone would make up stories for no obvious reason.

    So the moral of the story is be very wary of anyone you don’t know who is magnetic. Some people are by nature witty and charming caring and actually interested in you. Others want something from you. In my brothers case I think this woman was interested but not caring at all. He will never know what she wanted from him because he’s not sticking around to find out

    As Dr. Simon has pointed out in his article interest doesn’t equal caring. I don’t know how a person would test for this in the initial stages of a relationship. It often doesn’t become apparent until the target is hooked.

    Refraining from getting into a physical relationship too quickly when dating will keep you safer in a number of different ways. Plus, it’s just a good rule of thumb from a number of different perspectives.

  2. That was well said Lisa. That was good pick up of your brothers – when you really know what to look out for you cant’ get hooked.

    I’ve got a charmer hovering around now but the fact is I could care less he’s even good looking but I’ve got red flags everywhere so dem tings I be listning too! Anybody who comes across as above average in the charm department gives me pause for concern to say the least. I don’t detect any disingenuity but he’s going OVERBOARD with the charm. He is definitely trying to be liked just a little too much. No thank you Mr.

    At any rate it won’t be going any further than light chit chat at best -smile-

    Once bitten (cough) twice shy – I can say with 99.9% absolute certainty I will never be narc bait again. My self hoovering has paid off more so than I could ever imagine. I’ve found my core wounds and upleveled them where narcs were previously able to hook onto. I’ve also fortified my boundaries and this is now happening as a natural consequence of no longer seeking self validation outside of myself.

    Also I am naturally repelled by any hint at manipulation and will cut that down the size right there and then. I don’t go off thinking I’ve been slimed – I act in order to prevent it now and things are traveling along very nicely there.

    I can safely say I’m a Psychopath Free Zone! Yay!

  3. I was perusing a blog the other day and came upon something Prince Disarming wrote. It was analysis of striking sophistication delivered with a rapier wit. No wonder I was bowled over!
    And could he ever fake care and concern….Wow. But looking back it was all pretty over the top. I thought so at the time too, like you with the dude hanging around you, Eudoxia.

    But, when I wasn’t being charmed by it, I thought he was being eccentric.

    And he had this spiritual guru schtick going on too. That was appealing.

    It matched with what I took for universal kindness!

    But…you better watch that Buddah…he’s a Barracudah!

  4. Oh, and my brother said, “we had fantastic chemistry! She was interested in all the same things I interested in!”
    Major mirroring, which is dating behavior of course. It’s a matter of degree and sincerity. If it’s extreme and there appears to be LOTS of storytelling. Look out!

    1. Agree with the lots of storytelling – dead giveaway. I found out a lot of people just like to be entertained, they don’t care if the stories are true or not. I’m not saying a potential partner would think like that but acquaintances and friends of theirs, at least that’s my experience with my ex charming type NARC. He was always the life of the party. Boy was I dumb!

    2. Lisa

      Yes indeed. It’s why we don’t fall in actual love with them. It’s all just a mass production of an over abundance of oxytocin and dopamine. Ladies we are falling in love with ourselves because they are mirroring all our good attributes. What happens when it all goes “crash” and we work out Prince Charming was Prince Harming – we end up hating ourselves.

      It’s absolutely fascinating narc relationships I tell ya! There is much to learn about not only them but us in this entire process. This is the major lesson I took away from these experiences. Not straight away of course – it took some time to sink in. If we get this right we can evolve beyond our wildest dreams.

      Because what they end up mirroring back to us is everything inside us we need to address and heal and that’s where I’m at right now. Life doesn’t happen to us it happens for us.

      1. Eudoxia,

        I think they mirror our emotions, pretend they share our interests…plus with an overt narcissist or psychopath their arrogance is mistaken for a boyish devil-may-care confidence. Very few people can match the P or overt N for casual don’t give a damn attitude. If you mix in high intelligence, good looks and what appears to be intense interest, it’s no wonder their targets are fooled.

        My experience as a target was different. I’ve always been kind of terrified, deep down, of men who might hurt me. I equated high confidence with the chance I could get seriously hurt. Plus my self esteem was near non existent for many years. So I stayed right away from the overt type. And no, not applauding myself, because this is part of a pattern of avoidance that was more symptomatic than anything. It just happened to work for me in the case of dangerous men.

        During a ‘needs crisis’ after decades of self denial and fear, I was targeted by a covert P. Though I am completely healed (though scarred from the experience) it is hard to put into words what this did, not just to my heart but my mind too. The cognitive dissonance was over the top. This individual was so completely convincing, so endearing, kind and caring.

        A few months ago, I went through some of his emails, like Sherlock Holmes, searching for anything he wrote that would have flagged him. There were a couple of glaring tells, initially.

        He wanted to get really emotionally close very fast which seemed weird to me at the time, but not dangerous. And there were a few emails that were so sentimental and schlocky, they again seemed just odd, but not DANGEROUS. Now I realize that they are often acting, or making up stories.

        The P was a good actor and writer, one of the best. But, on ocassion, like all actors, he gave a clunky performance, where it was obvious he WAS acting. I passed this off at the time as curious, but rare enough that it didn’t make me completely recoil.

        So, other than a few glaring errors, he was perfectly charming in every way. A pure delight. Ugghhh. He was even ‘shy’. OMG…..NOT. That was completely faked.

        He was like my best girlfriend, who shared everything with me, but happened to be a hetero guy. Terrifying

  5. Well yes. I guess we’re falling in love with ourselves — ourselves with stubble.

    So we have Prince Charming, Prince Disarming, Prince Harming. There’s also Prince Alarming!

  6. For me it wasn’t the mirroring that attracted me, it was the fact that he had what I lacked in abundance – confidence, being fearless, adventuresome, outgoing personality, etc. ,but what I didn’t realize is he had an abnormal amt. of it.

      1. The positive takeaway, we now are more aware than most people who know nothing of CD’s. Its good to have the tools to identify them and not be taken in, but I know I would still need to do my homework in case I ran across a Bernie Madoff. And they present differently but there are the signs that raise a red flag. Forewarned is forearmed.

    1. Kat, I wonder if the intense mirroring is done a bit more by the covert type? The overt rely more on their image of confidence, bravado, daring do to win over their prey? Initially the overt may come on strong and be ‘protective,’ as camouflage for their complete lack of care and concern?

      1. LIsaO, that’s something to think about. I do want to learn more, I never want to be taken in again, they are nothing but destructive.

        1. Hi Kat,

          In terms of romantic relationships, you want to learn as much as possible about the character disordered but avoid the trap of mistaking behavior common to normal infatuation, with real predatory behavior. Ordinary people mirror each other, to a degree and there is a certain amount of acting going on, as the infatuated want to present their best faces to each other.

          With the overt type it might be easier because you can gauge how they will treat you when infatuation wears off by how they treat others.

          With the covert type it is much much more difficult. Everything is more subtle. And if the person has honest to God psychopathic tendencies, they feel so superior, they don’t require narcissistic supply, in the same way.

          That makes it much easier for them to appear normal. I can see how a woman who has had a terrible relationship with an overt narcissist might even be attracted to a “strong silent type.” And God knows how many of those are actually callous and insensitive.

          And, of course there is always the reasoning that some people are emotionally shut down, so we cut those who may be emotionally dangerous slack using this reasoning.

          It’s difficult!

  7. Kat,

    That is a really common occurrence. We admire those who have traits we feel we lack and yes, it’s easy to mistake pathology with confidence. So sad. They have CON-fidence.

    Prince Farming-Harming is perfect for the rural disordered, Lucy!

    1. LisoO-That’s exactly where I made the mistake, I mistook pathology with confidence. He would have been so proud if I would have told him he’s a good CON. ugh

    2. HAHA it was the rural disordered I fell for! Luckily for me it was only the idealisation phase the love bombing right after my mother died that cast the spell on me. It was promptly followed by the devaluation phase shortly after. I wasted a lot of precious time and energy on that freak show.

      In hindsight when I look back on it I can clearly see how he engineered the whole thing. I thought it was creature he triangulated me with that was behind it and yes she was as disordered as he was. I just couldn’t see it at the time because I was heavily in FOG – Fear, Obsession, Grief.

      Then the full force of everything hit me all at once and I crashed and burned big time. It was before I found this site and before I really knuckled down and started to unravel it all that all the missing pieces fell in place for me.

      Narcs work in a totally different way to other people. They a keen sense if intuition but as opposed to empaths they don’t use it to help and support others, they use it to exploit others.

      All those qualities you mention Kat you probably have every single one of those qualities they are probably just shrouded in false beliefs. We all have them, it’s the false beliefs/the stories we create about ourselves that aren’t true.

      Our childhood wounds are emotional in nature but our young brains are unable to interpret them so we interpret all our experiences as “we are bad” as opposed to experiencing something outside of ourselves as bad we blame ourselves for it and create false beliefs about ourselves around these wounds.

      These are our attraction points that allow narcs to hook into us. They know our strengths and they know our weaknesses. None of their behavioral strategies are random, they work like predators and go straight to the core of our wounds every time. Because they need to feel in an empowered state, due to their own state of empty nothingness, they must bring us down to as disempowered a state as possible so they can feel all good and powerful.

      At their core which they killed off a long time ago, is nothing it’s an empty void. They are the epitome of moral cowards.

      1. I can’t imagine what would happen if they ever confronted the truth of what they have become, if they ever saw it for what it is. That would be a serious emotional crisis. I wonder if Dr. Simon has ever had a client that broke thru the wall of lies and deceptions and came out the other side. I really don’t have those qualities, I am pretty much the opposite of those. He knew he could impress me with them because he was aware of that. He knew I was fearful, shy, lacking confidence. That came from family issues growing up, but some of it is my natural temperament, like the fact that I am an introvert, and that’s not looked at as a good thing in our society so I always thought it would be better to be an extrovert instead of accepting myself and working with it.

        1. Kat,

          Because you are a normal human being you intuitively feel that the CD will have an emotional crisis if they face the truth — because that is how YOU would feel if you treated people like they do and were forced to confront it.

          Dr. Simon takes pains to point out that their motivations and the way they relate to others is fundamentally different and is usually (unless they are vulnerable types) motivated by self interest and or aggression.

          We have this idea that anybody who treats others like **** is “fear based”. Many of these types are domineering, aggression based personalities. Fear doesn’t enter into it much.

          1. Their ways a numerous but two things stick out directly to me as a RED FLAG.

            One is asking an excessive amount of personal questions. This could be construed as somebody genuinely interested in you. In reality a CD is data mining you and sizing you up as future potential source of narc supply nothing more.

            Two – is them excessively talking about themselves. This will be more applicable to the ultruisitic type that does nothing other than tell you how good they are etc etc ect.

            STOP – TALK TO THE HAND

            I don’t give a flying rats a**& how good they think they are, from my experience anybody who has to tell you how good they are – are probably the exact opposite.

            Just food for thought here guys…………………..

          2. In thinking back about the Ex, I don’t know if anything he did to harm others actually penetrated his conscience. As time went on I came to see he was proud of these things. But I always thought he truly never had a realization of the truth, that it just kind of bounced off of him. Its strange because he died last year and I was there, his girlfriend was gone for the day and he was in hospice so I went there because I felt it was the right thing to do. He realized he was going to die because they told him no more treatments, they wouldn’t do anymore. He became very angry, lashing out at the nurses, but I could see fear as well. He gripped onto my hand and told me “you don’t know what this means to me”, meaning that someone was there and he was truly comforted by clinging onto my hand. But he never told me he was sorry and at one point someone was visiting and he said to them that he put me thru hell, but I did the same to him(untrue). Its just an odd thing to experience, someone you thought you truly loved, then finding out what they really were, and then it comes full circle being there at the time of their death, its an odd confliction of emotions.

      2. Eudoxia,

        I was also discarded in the most callous cruel way possible, as my mother lay dying. My life shattered, so I know how you feel. But you, like me, are probably relieved it happened sooner rather than later.

        Had plans proceeded I would have ended up penniless, heart broken and caused others unnecessary turmoil.

        I think the P figured out I wasn’t going to be the cash cow he originally thought, plus, it probably dawned on him that anyone who stood up to a military General father, (think The Great Santini) at 11 years of age, might be too much work. He was, after all, rather lazy.

        1. Lisa,

          Oh yea they know when to pick the most opportune moments don’t they?

          I was definitely relieved it happened sooner that’s for sure. I can’t believe I was so “love struck” I could not see it. I see it clearly now though and to think I was trying to save him! LOL – at least I can laugh about it now.

          What it really forced me to look at was this “Why did I attract him into my life and why have I had a succession of these misguided tragic freaks come in what was their purpose”

          This is why I signed onto NARP so I could go inside and find out what gaps / unhealed wounds I had in me that allowed them to hook into me. I have found pure gold here Lisa.

          I thought I’d done a lot of inner self work and found most of my core wounds – HA! I only just scratched the surface. I’ve now sealed all of those gaps. I can go out now and narcs have absolutely no effect on me.

          I tell you clearing these attraction points that allow narcs to lock in and hook us is vital. I was not content knowing all there is to know about recognising them, what makes them tic, what varieties are out there and strategies for dealing with them. I have gone way past that point – thanks to my NARP work.

          Now I don’t even need to think about strategies or try to impelment a boundary – it comes naturally as a result of the work I’ve done and I’ve been very committed to it. It’s made a huge difference and I can happily say I am now an NRD – Narcissist Repellent Device. They f**^* run! Or if they don’t the soon find out I’m no easy meal and they go look for greener pastures……………………….it’s way kewl :-

  8. Kat

    Narcs fear death it’s their number one fear the next is fear of losing supply. Either of these perceived losses bring them to what one fellow calls “The Precipice” they fear total annihilation.

    Any type of perceived abandonment from their primary source/s of supply send them closer to the precipice in which case they upstep their vile and abusive behavior. As the doc says they have no understanding or connection to a higher power. They are it as far as they are concerned so yes death is terrifying to narcs.

    And when we escape their clutches – if we leave them that’s when they launch their smear campaign. Narcs want to destroy those they can’t control it is as simple as that.

  9. “One loses, as one grows older, something of the lightness of one’s dreams; one begins to take life up in both hands, and to care more for the fruit than the flower, and that is no great loss perhaps.”

    “Let us go forth, the tellers of tales, and seize whatever prey the heart longs for, and have no fear.”

    “But Love has pitched his mansion in
    The place of excrement;
    For nothing can be sole or whole
    That has not been rent.”

    “All is changed, changed utterly
    A terrible beauty is born.”

    “Surely some revelation is at hand.”
    W.B. Yeats

    Love’s alchemy trumps hunting hungry shadows. Jurutungo!

  10. OMG hold the phone Season Ticket Holders

    I just got done watching this really interesting movie – and guess what was in it – no Cupie Dolls for guessing a NSpath :-

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T6ELzd0eCM

    Seriously what I would call B grade but it has the BEST examples of gaslighting I’ve seen in a movie beside the actual movie Gaslight.

    I thoroughly recommend it to all of you guys specially the A Team to show just how gullible some people can be when they are really STUPID and miss the red flags of this bizzare and dangerous psycho next door. You would have to be blind Freddy to do what this woman did I swear to God on 400 Bibles.

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzz gone me way past my bed time :-

    1. At any rate he was a hell of a lot smarter than Norman Bates who was just your average garden variety psycho……………………….bordering the criminally insane. As for the other guy insane NO – highly predatory, manipulative and dangerous – yes most certainly.

  11. kat

    You being there for the dying X, that has gotten me thinking. Did he really think you were a troublemaker for him, possibly because he had to work harder at his deception? Or did he believe his own lies? Makes me wonder about my X. He truly thinks I’m this POS that caused him trouble, was a worthless wife. Are they lying to themselves? I don’t think I want to be there when my X dies because I really don’t want to have to question the things that come out of this mouth.
    You did the right thing, the humane thing, to be there with him while he died. You think he could have said something nice and apologized. Geez! That really gives me more insight into my situation. The apology will NEVER come, because then they’d have to admit they were at fault, not perfect.
    I’m sorry that happened to you.

    1. Lucy, I’m not sure but if I was to guess I think he believed it. Nothing was his fault either, it was always someone else. If his lips were moving he was lying. I wasn’t raised like that and I totally trusted him, until I got older and wiser. He put my and our kids life in danger more than once and he didn’t even care, in fact after I divorced him he used to tell people we all died in a car wreck so he could get sympathy from them in order to set them up to use them I’m sure. I didn’t expect an apology to me, but I did have some expectations of him apologizing to his two kids but that never came either. It wasn’t easy to go be with him while he was dying, but at that point I was doing what I thought was right no matter what I know he is, he will reap what he sowed. I’m sorry you have to deal with one of these CD’s too, never again huh!

    2. Lucy

      It’s what they do – ALL OF THEM. You will have better luck walking backwards to the moon than expecting or waiting on an apology from a narc. There is not one life couch out there today that will disagree with that last statement. This is something we just have to accept and move on. We have to get on with our own lives and stop wasting what we have left on creatures who have no regard or us whatsoever.

      I know this is probably going to sound crazy but it is a fact. We have to stop taking them personally. This is a huge waste of our time and energy. By giving so much energy to figure them out – go back down the garden path to your childhood and the daisy plucking – “he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not”………………………………

      How long do you want to keep plucking at daisy petals? They’ve still got power over you while you are giving your energy to them. The best way to overcome them is to leave them behind and refocus your energy on you and your healing. Forget him.

      They come into our lives to mirror back to us things that are inside of us that are unhealed. If we use them for the evolutionary purpose there are intended for then we win. Of course this is not applicable to familial narc abuse – we had no control over who we allow into our lives back them. But we sure as hell do now. And narcs can only hook onto us if we have those wounds inside of us already – so we are a perfect match for a narc and there’s only one way to fix that.

      I have proven this to myself over and over again and so have thousands of others. Now I am ironing out all those cracks – it’s loud and clear to me and I am literally a narc free zone now.

      1. EU, I agree we need to not take it personally. It does sound odd because it was a very personal experience and affected us very personally, but I wasted a lot of time thinking there was something wrong with me, its not us its them. We are not the liars and users, they are and we got hooked in because they read people well for one purpose only, to use us for however long we are beneficial to them.

        1. Exactly kat and I know it does sound weird so it’s just a matter of how to look at it.

          We are just appliances to them to extract fuel from nothing more.

          When we fail to reflect back to them their perfected version of who they think they are and deal in reality they blow a gasket and set about to punish us.

          They can’t deal with truth and their is no truth in them, their entire existence is just one big lie.

          They lie from the time they wake up till the time they go to bed. Their dreams are probably nothing but lies providing they dream at all. I’ve had reports that many of them don’t how weird is that?

          We will only be of benefit to them while we continue to be sources of supply. If we dont’ cough up supply they slot us in for destruction.

          They are the equivalent of human chubacabra and when we step back to look at them for their exact purpose which I am certain is to (by way of a weird type of vestigiality) evolve our conscious awareness.

          There is a plague of them at present, when we’ve sufficiently raised our consciousness and awareness they won’t be required anymore and by way of natural selection will go into extinction.

          I know many will disagree with this and they have every right to do so :-

          How much pain to do we need before we get to the core of the issue? Reminds me of a small story about a dog and a nail.

          “Why is that dog in so much pain”
          “Because he’s laying on a nail”
          “Why doesn’t he get off the nail and move”
          “Because he’s not in enough pain yet”

          When we reach our limit for self abuse is when we get off the nail! LOL

          Life is a cosmic joke I tell ya……………………..

          1. Eudox,

            I agree with everything you said. They, the CDN are a plague right now and actually in vogue. We alone, can change this by giving NO SUPPLY, Nada, Nothing, Starve them out, because the CDN sure won’t get it from each other.

            True, we must wake up, the true power lies within us……

            Forward March Sister

    3. Kat,

      I applaud you for sitting with your X when he died. You set an example of your humanity for another person, he is the father of your children. If your children are on the right path, you have set a wonderful example for them. Its bad enough the children carry the sins of their parents, in your compassion you broke the chain. You loved your X at one time and you came through. This will make you a better person.

      Kat, you said your X said how much it meant you were there and in the same sentence condemned you and blamed you. For a brief moment your X had human feeling and then resorted to his false self. Know this, your X does know reality, he goes in and out of it to suit his self. Your X knows it wasn’t your fault, remember the CD will do anything to protect their false self.

      In the end the CDN become their own victims, entangled in their web of lies with glimpses of reality flirting in and out. They the CDN are the spider and prey at the same time. They feed off of who or whatever they can snare into their web and in the end consume themselves, all to protect the false self.

      Kat, If my X lay dying, I would do the same thing you did. There are many life lessons in doing this selfless act of kindness. Take all the good you can from this experience, it will help you grow to heights you never imagined.

      Personally, I have held the hands of many individuals leaving this world. It is painful, it is sad, it is exhausting, but at the same time, rewarding. Not all people can do this Kat, it is a gift, a rare gift, cherish it and take care of it, as you will reap many rewards when you embrace it. Also, Protect It……..

      Blessings Dear One
      (((((Hugs))))))

  12. Welcome to The Spiritual Awakening Hour – proudly brought to you by Eudoxia but written by Dylan Charles editor of Waking Times………………………….

    It is time to stop focusing on the narc and start focusing on our own evolution. Hope you enjoy this article despite it being a bit “out there” for some. However I went down this rabbit hole a long time ago and it is very, very real……………Enjoy

    Five Things You Realise When You Wake Up and Question Reality – Dylan Charles

    “What is real? How do you define real? If you’re talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.” ~Morpheus, The Matrix

    Ever get the feeling that reality isn’t really what we think it is?
    The further science, technology and human evolution take us the more questions we have about the nature of reality and the role of consciousness. Is this a hologram or an illusion? Are we dreaming or in a simulation? Do we shift between parallel universes as we make different choices? And what of the spiritual dimensions? Are human beings really just a single unified cosmic consciousness experiencing itself from billions of points of isolated and limited perception? Does anyone know for sure?

    Few are privy to the secrets of reality, but the journey of awakening begins when one starts questioning everything. Whether it be the big global conspiracies, secret societies, the corporate control matrix, big pharma and the medical cartel, the banking establishment, the shape of the earth, or the purpose of life, the journey is at first an inquisition.

    Along the way you notice ways in which approaching life with an open-mind changes you, and how it turns long-held beliefs and assumptions upside down, forever altering your perception and relation to it all.

    1. You Realize that Patterns and Programs Govern Everything and Everyone
    We learn primarily by mimicry…. monkey see, monkey do. As a child grows and develops consciousness over time, they move from confusion to differentiation, to situational awareness, then to identification, ultimately arriving at self-awareness. By the time they become self-aware, their perception of what the world is all about is well-formed. The programs in play here affect the rest of their lives.

    “We laugh at sheep because sheep just follow the one in front. We humans have out-sheeped the sheep, because at least the sheep need a sheep dog to keep them in line. Humans keep each other in line. And they do it by ridiculing or condemning anyone who commits the crime, and that’s what it’s become, of being different.” ~David Icke

    Conformity to patterns of thought and patterns of behavior are learned, and when you watch people closely, you notice that most of them are imitating the examples they’ve seen their whole lives. Emotional behavior, notions of success, relationships, rules, laws, and even love for self are all ingrained programs, many of which need to be undone in order for spiritual growth to occur.

    If we can be programmed, we can also be re-programmed.

    2. You Learn that the Most Valuable Commodity is Your Attention
    Advertisers, governments, media organizations and business are quickly learning that in this new age of technological wonders capturing people’s attention is priority number one. Attention is the greatest commodity of today.

    With so much competition for your attention, you begin to realize how valuable it is to others, and eventually you realize how valuable it is to yourself. You notice that what you give your attention to creates the environment in which you live, and therefore the information and ideas you focus on and consume will work together to shape your personal reality.

    This is why it is absolutely essential to consciously direct your focus where it is deserved, carefully choosing which ideas and perspectives are worthy of your time and congruent with the life you wish to lead. And your time is your life, so your attention is priceless.

    3. You Notice that Perceptions Can Change in an Instant, Changing Everything
    It only takes the right scrap of information, the right quote, or the right idea at the right time to change your whole understanding of the world.

    “Change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” ~Wayne Dyer

    Again, media organizations and propagandists already know this, which is why news is crafted the way it is, carefully framing, suggesting and omitting ideas so as to manage the perceptions of the masses. The crux of mind control is perception management.
    When you begin to question everything, you start to wonder if your perceptions and belief about society and your own life are really true. You wonder if they are your own perceptions or if they belong to someone else. You begin to ask if your outlook is based on the complete picture, or if it is based on a limited understanding and a limited knowing.

    When you grasp this, you begin to understand just how much power you have to control your own perceptions, and then your own reality, and are no longer bound to the whims of others.

    4. You Begin to See that Everything is an Illusion
    The eyes turn tricks with light to create images inside the brain using only a tiny fraction of the entire spectrum of electromagnetic frequencies in front of us. The subconscious mind makes a fool of the conscious mind by secretly adding depth and meaning to the images we create. These images combine with experience to form beliefs, and the ego constructs an identity out of them. Above all of this sits the spirit, watching and waiting for an opportunity to break free from the illusions of what we think it means to be alive and conscious in a material world.

    But the world we are in is insufferably material, and this materialism works magic with light, symbols and imagery in order to create illusions. Illusions about authority, happiness, truth and success can be incredibly powerful, but upon deeper inquiry, you’ll eventually notice that nothing is ever what it seems.

    The rich and famous aren’t always happy or healthy. Those who enforce the law don’t always follow the law. The powerful are often bested by the weak. The aim of politics is not to unite, but to divide. Time isn’t money, it is your life. And on and on.

    “We live in a culture where everything tastes good but nothing satisfies.” ~Daniel Pinchbeck

    5. You Finally Realize there is Nothing to Fear
    In the exploration of the self, fear is the first thing to go, and once it is unwound and cast aside a tremendous sense of freedom takes over, defying the negative shock programming in our world today. This runs counter to the messages of the media who rely on stoking fear to control and to sell, but once you’ve broken through the illusions that create a false reality, and are able to see that love is the organizing force in our universe, fear dissolves entirely.

    “Everything is the light.” ~Nikola Tesla
    “Life is vibration.” Albert Einstein

    Eventually, upon self-reflection, it becomes clear that consciousness and the soul are eternal. We truly are cosmic beings having a human experience, and we are capable of knowing that once this existence comes to an end something greater and more magical awaits us.

    The greatest realization of them all is that there is nothing to fear.

    Final Thoughts
    Our shared world is created by the collected thoughts and actions of individuals. Therefore, to change the world for the better we must first elevate our own consciousness so that we may overcome the traps and obstacles set before us by a dying culture and a psychopathic power structure. The only way to do this is to turn our attention onto the act of understanding how we as individuals perceive and relate to the world we share. This is how we evolve.

    “You have to take seriously the notion that understanding the universe is your responsibility, because the only understanding of the universe that will be useful to you is your own understanding.” ~Terence McKenna

  13. Kay, does your x really think you are partly responsible for what happened between the two of you? Maybe. Maybe not. The crucial element is he was angry with you and that trumped all logic and reason because for someone like him, their anger is all that matters. If he is angry you are just automatically ‘bad.’
    It doesn’t go any deeper than that.

    1. Don’t they all think we are totally responsible for every ail that befalls the relationship. I don’t ever recall EVER one narc I was ever involved with to EVER admit to causing any problems when they basically where behind the whole bloody lot.

      Sure they invite us out of integrity then we end up acting in ways that are not who and what we really are. Then they pin it on us when most of the time is cold premeditated bastardry!

      I agree with the doc in some are unconscious of their behavior while the more intelligent ones are totally aware and fully conscious of what they are doing. What’s worse is they get off on it.

      1. You bet they get off on it and they love it. I have never met a CDN that didn’t love themselves. Regardless, of the ones who might be somewhat unaware or ignorant of their pathology, or have an inkling of remorse the desire to hurt others and inflict pain is dominate. The CDN dump all their woes and S—– on you, they project it and they know it……………………

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