Charming Charismatic Narcissists Seduce

 Narcissists By Any Other Name

Charming charismatic narcissists can cast a powerful spell. They possess remarkable interpersonal connection skill. And they can captivate you. They can also win your heart. But as amiable as they might seem, they’re narcissists nonetheless. And that’s where the trouble lies.

It’s not so much in what these types do or how they do it. Rather, it’s why they do everything they do. The way they operate makes it seem like it’s all about you. That’s inherently powerfully seductive. And that’s often what wins you over. Slowly and surely, however, you learn that it’s really always about them. But becoming aware of that usually comes after much subtle use and abuse. So, you don’t realize who they are or what’s really gone on until it’s too late.

Understanding Their Nature

Charming charismatic narcissists usually aren’t easy to understand, at least at first. They’re often covert characters who know how to pull the wool over your eyes. To appreciate their true nature, you first have to understand the dynamics of charm and charisma and what makes such attractive traits dangerous in the hands of a narcissist.

Charm

There’s some evidence that charm is a natural trait or gift. But it’s also a trait that can be developed and refined through practice. It then becomes a powerful social skill.

Charmers show interest in you. They make you feel valued, good about yourself. And they’re confident enough in themselves that they don’t come across as needy or unsettling in any way. Moreover, their high social awareness and breadth of experience makes them interesting characters. They don’t have to solicit attention to make others natrually want to give it. They often have a warm, gentle manner that bespeaks humilty, empathy, and caring.

Skilled charmers know they have a way with others. And they’re confident in their ability to connect, captivate, and endear. Comfortable with attention shown them,  and often liking to be the center of attention, they don’t hesitate to pay you attention, too. Good humored and naturally engaging and present, they engage easily and well. Taken together, their qualities make them quite attractive, facinating individuals. Those same qualities are inherently seductive, too.

Charisma

Charisma is a close cousin of charm. And charismatic people often have a great deal of charm. They can “own” a room, naturally drawing both attention and a sense of awe. Folks are easily enamored of charismatic people. They’re like powerful magnets (which is why some refer to them as “magnetic personalities”). And whereas charm can be turned on and off at will, charisma is another matter. It’s an enduring, pervasive characteristic. Charismatic people naturally exude a confidence and an energy that can truly mesmerize. You almost can’t help being enchanted, drawn, if not completly captivated. You say to yourself: “This person really has a special something!” This makes you want to be in their presence. And should they possess both charm and charisma, well…, watch out!

Charm, Charisma, and Narcissism

Charm and charisma are powerful personal attributes, to be sure. And by themselves, they are neither positive or negative qualities. What makes the difference is character. Decent folks with charm and charisma can move mountains and do a lot of good. Charming, charismatic narcissists, on the other hand, will inevitably cause harm. It’s almost like they can’t help it (they can, of course!). It’s the self-serving nature of narcissism that makes for all the trouble. This is so important to remember when you’re falling head over heels.

If you allow yourself to succumb to someone’s charm and charisma without adequately vetting their character, you’re likely to end up very sorry. And if the person happens to be covert type, you might well be headed for double trouble. Covert types deceive, playing you right from the beginning. Depending on the type and degree of their narcissism, you might very well end up decimated by the same individual you once thought hung the moon.

As mentioned earlier, charming charismatic narcissists are narcissists nonetheless. There’s no doubt about the gifts they possess. But being narcissists, they can’t help but abuse those gifts, just as they inevitably use and abuse the people on whom they employ them.

Use the search feature to find other articles on the many issues referenced in this article. And you can find more comprehensive information on all nefarious character types in my book Character Disturbance.

Character Disturbance

2 thoughts on “Charming Charismatic Narcissists Seduce

  1. So very, very well stated. Thank you. Painfully real, as it slowly settles in, the destruction caused in my life by a covert narcissist. When reading “…in wolves clothing” 10+ yrs ago. I understood for the first time, who I had been married to. It is a very long journey, restoring a life nearly decimated by this type of narcissist. Thank you for leading me on the path to understanding and healing. I appreciate your ongoing teaching in this post.

    1. Carol,
      You are not alone, so many of us have found out the hard way that loving a narcissist ends up in us being decimated. I pray that you will find the comfort of the only One who truly loves you and created you!
      I am surrounded by family and “friends” throughout the years who were revealed as users, abusers, scoundrels and thieves.

      We also must examine our hearts and work on our character as well. Not that we caused their behavior, but what did we think we needed from them and our ability to forgive others as we also need forgiveness. Just don’t give up though, you can heal.
      Love always!

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