Covert personalities are not who they appear to be. They know how to look good but don’t care much about actually being good. By the time you figure out who they really are, you’ve already invested much and a lot of damage has been done.
Hot headed characters in relationships are notoriously problematic. They’re easily irritated and can’t seem to regain control once they lose their temper. They might promise to behave better the next time. But that time never comes. All seems well when they have their way. But when they feel denied or confronted – watch out!
The more character disturbed someone is, the more problematic it is when they seek dominance.
Narcissists cannot really love because they can’t get beyond themselves. Some can charm convincingly, making you think it’s all about you. But when you scratch below the surface, you’ll find that it’s always really about them.
Wants and needs are not the same things. And sometimes what we crave, no matter how badly, is the last thing we truly need.
We all want the disturbed characters we know to have a change of mind. We want them to see things differently – as we and others see them. And we want them to behave differently, too, like most of the responsible people we know. But mostly we want them to WANT to see and do things differently. And that, of course, is a matter of heart.
Thinking before acting is a good thing. It’s one mark of character maturity. But what we think and how we think matters even more.
Smugness and glibness are red flags for the most serious types of character disturbance.
In many ways, character is like a psychological immune system, giving us the resources to be less vulnerable to the forces that might otherwise hurt or corrupt us.
Folks whose ways of seeing and doing things are so toxic that they’re rightfully considered “character-disordered” always cause big problems in relationships. And presently, the prognosis for change is extremely poor for the significantly disordered. There’s more hope for the mildly disturbed character, but the motivation and mode of intervention have to be just right!