Folks who already have significant character issues carry their deficient regard for the greater good and their feelings of grandiosity and entitlement into their forays with substance use. And it’s perfectly predictable that they soon develop patterns of use that are high risk and that their substance use both exacerbates their existing problematic behaviors and creates disturbing new ones.
Change, when it occurs, always happens in the moment of choice. That’s always where our ultimate power lies: the power to choose, and especially, to choose to do differently – at least for any particular moment in time.
Whether you’re seeking help for yourself as the victim or survivor of an abusive relationship, or trying to get some assistance in dealing with a character-impaired individual, getting the right kind of help can be a real challenge.
It’s important to understand and speak about certain concepts correctly because holding erroneous perspectives on behavior, especially the behavior of disturbed characters, is one of the main reasons people get bamboozled and otherwise victimized by bad actors.
An “industry” of sorts has developed in recent years that tends to want to conceptualize all sorts of behavioral irresponsibility as addiction, emotional self-medication, “acting out,” etc., and in my opinion such conceptualizations are sometimes not only unhelpful but also damaging because of the misconceptions they foster and the “enabling” they promote.
Neurotics want to do the right thing and for things to go well as a result. They take it hard and are perhaps too quick to engage in self-reproach when things go wrong. Disordered characters, on the other hand, tend to take adversity in stride and blame everyone and everything else when bad things happen, even when those things really stem from their own actions.
People of good character have necessarily become the masters of their likes and dislikes and effective managers of their appetites. They know when to say “no” to themselves when there’s something titillating that they should probably stay away from and when to push themselves to do something even when it’s painful because it serves the greater cause of life and in the long run is helpful to their overall well-being.
From spreading lies about you to your relatives, friends, and acquaintances, to engaging in several tactics to make things as difficult as possible for you, your ex can become just as ominous and troublesome a presence in your life as he or she was when you were together.
Shame, a sense of defeat, mounds of doubt, conflicting thoughts about blame, mistrust – all these emotions are par for the course for survivors of toxic relationships.
After years of being manipulated, abused, and controlled, survivors of dysfunctional relationships can experience a variety of emotions that make it difficult to move on, even after mustering the courage to leave. Self-questioning, doubt and blame can pose real obstacles on the road to recovery. Life after a manipulator can be a welcome joy indeed, but it’s not always so easy to get there.