Malignant narcissists are shameless characters. And they prove and important point: not all shame is inherently toxic or detrimental to one’s self-image.
Folks exiting toxic relationships with character-impaired charmers can easily fall into the trap of spending time and energy trying to get others to see what they came to see the hard way.
We once widely regarded truth as the “best policy.” That’s partly because we understood that it always outs in the end. But it’s also because the it mattered to us more than it seems to these days.
The more character disturbed someone is, the more problematic it is when they seek dominance.
Narcissists cannot really love because they can’t get beyond themselves. Some can charm convincingly, making you think it’s all about you. But when you scratch below the surface, you’ll find that it’s always really about them.
Some narcissists primarily want attention. Others just want to be right, justified – affirmed. More pathological narcissists seek adulation. And the most pathological narcissists want to be adored. Legends in their own minds, they consider themselves worthy of worship.
For a culture steeped in egocentricity, entitlement, relativism, and permissiveness to change, hearts must change first. But as they do, this age of narcissism will eventually come to an end.
Wants and needs are not the same things. And sometimes what we crave, no matter how badly, is the last thing we truly need.
I have confidence that integrity of character will again come to be as expected as all the dysfunction we’ve experienced for years. And it’s toward that end that I’ve written Essentials for the Journey. Let us all resolve to make character matter again.
Therapy induced trauma happens when you go for help with hope in your heart, only to feel worse for the effort.