Bad Character Relationships

Getting involved in any way with folks of bad character can’t help but end badly. Failing to accept that cold, hard fact inevitably brings pain. Character matters. It always has, and always will. Sadly, too many folks come to appreciate this fundamental truth the hard way. Modern society has conditioned most of us to pay little attention to the importance of character. We’ve become desensitized, too. Bad character of various types and degree has become the “new normal.” (See: Cultural Desensitization to Character Dysfunction.)

Over the years we lost our sense of what it takes in the way of careful grooming and social support to make good character commonplace. There was once more general agreement not only about what good character was all about but also what it takes to instill and promote it. Times were when we could expect most folks to be of generally decent character. We didn’t just expect good character, we demanded it in important situations. But no longer. Ours is the age of fairly widespread character dysfunction. So, forging wholesome relationships is more challenging than ever.

The Price of Wishful Thinking

I can’t count the  number of times I heard a client say: “I knew he (she) had some big issues, but I thought accepting the responsibilities of life together (or enough love) would change her (him).” In short, they were willing to set significant concerns aside for something too appealing for them to resist. But there’s always a price to pay for such wishful thinking. And that price is heartache.

Hope is never the cure for bad character. Only hard work on the part of the person with the character disturbance can remedy matters. And being willing to take on that noble burden is a matter of the heart. (See: A Change of Heart is Key.)

When Bad Character Is Under Cover

You can find may articles on the importance of vetting character at the outset of a relationship. (See, for example: Vetting Character Is Challenging But Necessary.) But sometimes a person’s bad character is hard to discern. That happens for two main reasons. First, the person might possess so many attractive qualities that you simply don’t see the whole picture. And second, the person might deliberately conceal who they really, or more truly are. This is always for manipulative purposes. Even someone with really bad character can find value in you. And when they do, it’s natural for them to want to win your favor, maybe even possess you. So, they’ll put on their best face. Later on, when they show their true colors, you already have plenty invested in the relationship. That makes it hard to walk away.

My books In Sheep’s Clothing and Character Disturbance were designed to unmask these covert characters.

The Scourge of Our Times

Folks of bad character are everywhere these days. And folks of absolutely horrendous character are increasing in numbers, too. Sadly, society seems to be all too accepting of the fact. Worse, many are looking the other way – even sanctioning, rewarding, aligning with, and handing power to such folks. History shows that doing any of these things always ends badly, and sometimes disastrously so. Again, character matters. Always has. Always will. One can chose to deny it, or even ignore it. But the fact remains.