At the outset of a relationship, covert narcissists can seem quite harmless. And they can be quite charming, too. Their narcissistic behaviors present in subtle, hard to detect ways. That’s why it’s so important to know the signs of covert narcissism.
A manipulator can be so confident of someone’s likely response that they don’t hesitate to show their hand. But most of the time, manipulators get their way by hiding their true agendas. They’re out to win, dominate, and control, but don’t want to appear so. They cloak their aggressive intentions in a variety of clever tactics. And these tactics produce the “gaslighting” effect.
Crafty covert-aggressors know how to make you doubt. In your gut you feel they’re trying to play you. But they can have you feeling like you’re a fool for thinking so. You question your judgment. You can even question your sense of reality and your sanity. In a nutshell, that’s the “gaslighting” effect.
Lying is the big destroyer of relationships. When someone breaks the bond of trust – especially when they do so repeatedly – the damage inflicted on a marriage, work partnership, or other intimate relationship is extremely hard, if not impossible to repair.
Some narcissists blame to avoid shame. But many narcissists today have no shame. Such narcissists blame only to justify their cruelty and attacks.
Recovering from gaslighting effects and regaining one’s sanity after an abusive relationship isn’t easy. Victims frequently mistrust themselves and worry about making the same relationship mistakes again. And getting the wrong kind of help can easily re-traumatize. Empowerment begins with understanding what really happened and why.
Manipulative malignant narcissists engage in a constant dance of positioning for advantage. All they care about is for you to be in the dark or second-guessing. They don’t want you to have their number or know what they’re really up to. They seek only power, dominance, and control. And lying gives them the position of advantage.
Manipulators are covert-aggressors. Such characters can make you feel crazy. In your gut, you know something is not right with them. But somehow they make you feel irrational for thinking so. Check out the wonderful video on the topic included below.
Gaslighting Gaslighting has become a popular term these days. It was borrowed from the the suspense thriller play and movie Gas Light. Its plot involves a conniving husband who tries to make his wife think she is losing her mind. And he does this in part by making subtle changes in her environment, including causing the episodic … Continue reading Manipulation and the Gaslighting Effect
Manipulators are covert-aggressors. They’re out to win, dominate, and control but don’t want to be seen that way. If you knew what they were really up to, they’d run a higher risk of being resisted. And if you knew what they were really like, you’d be more wary of them. They’re the proverbial wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Narcissists come in two main varieties: vulnerable (neurotic) and grandiose (character disturbed or disordered. Of the two types, grandiose narcissists are the more problematic. Unfortunately, because of the nature of our times, they’re also the more prevalent. The disdain they have for those they view as inferior often engenders a dismissive attitude that can really get under the skin of a relationship partner.
The current edition of “Dame” magazine features some of my thoughts on gaslighting and what makes certain personalities use this manipulation tactic.
A 6-hour “webinar is being planned for September 24, 2015. More details will be available in the coming weeks.
How we see ourselves matters. And how we behave toward ourselves matters even more. Healthy self-regard defines the evolved character. And unhealthy self-regard is the hallmark of character disturbance.
Abusive relationship partners are often relentless. They hate to miss an opportunity to denigrate and dominate. And over time, their victims can begin to see themselves in the same negative way their abusers cast them.
Covert aggressors use manipulation tactics to get their way. They fight in subtle and underhanded ways. And they know how to look good without being good.
Some people fight in very surreptitious ways. The covert maneuvers they employ are effective. They throw others on the defensive while cloaking aggressive intent. You might suspect something is up but end up doubting yourself. You might even question your sanity. To restore your sanity you have to trust your gut.
Relationships naturally grow in strength, depth, and wholesomeness in the absence of character disturbance. And when our most important relationships are solid, we can expect the makings of a healthy community. It all starts with character.
Deceit is the hallmark trait of manipulative characters. And there are many ways to deceive. Some disturbed characters are so skilled in the subtlest forms of lying that they have raised it nearly to an art form.
One of the most effective ways for impaired characters to victimize others is to conceal their malevolent intentions while simultaneously prompting their “target” to accede to their desires. Manipulators win by using clever tactics like “gaslighting” to get the other person to back down or give in.
Once you’re intimately familiar with all the tactics they habitually employ to: 1) get the better of you; and 2) look good while doing it, you can be more sure of your judgments about your manipulator’s character.